Raison d'être
by Growing Pain
Summary: SetoJou [“Why, Jounouchi? Why do you always have someone to save!”] Jounouchi could never let go. Kaiba could not find himself to care. But no one can remain static forever.
1. Stolen mainspring

**Disclaimer:** This one is for the entire story: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh and the characters that go with it.

**Warnings:** Feeling-like-a-failure Kaiba, bad grammar and spelling (maybe?), weird plot (not kidding), death and angst. Yes, I said angst. Feel emo.

**Note:** This is my try at something with more plot. In my other multi-chap story, it focused more on romance, so I wanted to try something new without getting away from character insights, developments etc. So, to put it shortly, this will be a weird story. I personally haven't seen one like it before in the YGO fandom, but I apologize if anyone thinks I've stolen their idea or whatever. I haven't. I figured this out all by myself :P Also, this chapter is sort of like a prologue. In this first chapter, you won't know the "when" and "why". That'll show later. For now it focuses on the "what" and the feelings. Enjoy.

And yes, I know. The summary is weird and sucks. But it really does say a lot. Though I think it's too cryptic, so I'll preferably change it when and if I think of something better.

Also, raison d'être, as is the title, means to the unfamiliar eyes: "reason for being" or "reason for existing". Take your pick.

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**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 1

by Growing Pain

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His blue eyes glared with an intensity rarely used. The wind carelessly played with his hair, trying to destroy the image of perfection and composure he often held. But as it weakened, the brown strands of hair fell in their original place once more, unaffected by the disturbance. The brunet cared little of this, jaw clenched, resentment clearly emitting from his eyes, locking onto one man in particular. 

"You tricked me." Kaiba stated, a hint of anger in his tone, even though it was effortlessly covered up by cold professionalism. Soon an arrogant smirk came onto his lips, contradicting his inner distress, and he felt his little brother hold onto his hand even tighter as if not putting faith into the beguiling smirk. "But I trust it that you know, I never let such things happen twice." he informed with a cold face, one of his hands clenching the hold of his briefcase to distract his inner rage. His posture was as tall and calm as always, and his face did not betray him. This was no proper time to show he was actually…at unease. He knew well of life's facades and which times they were necessary to obtain and use.

The man in front of him smirked nonchalantly, various of his subordinates surrounding both the brunet, his younger brother and that man himself.

"I don't intend it to happen twice, Mr Kaiba. This time is enough." he informed politely, his dull brown eyes hiding behind a pair of glasses. Blue eyes grew even angrier, if possible. He was not one to be made a victim.

"Let us go, and I will not punish you as severely as I want to." Kaiba ordered, his eyes narrowed, but trying to remain calm. His words were only met by a ominous chuckle from the man in front of him, shoulders shaking slightly due to it.

"I'm afraid that's not possible." the middle-aged man declared, a serious expression on him now. "You see, there are things I wish to accomplish with this. Letting the two of you go is not on that list."

Had all the other people around him not been armed and aiming their guns at him, Kaiba would've left a long time ago, fighting his way out if necessary. But he had not only his own life to consider, but his little brother's as well. It complicated things, and he failed to group his scattered thoughts into coherent tactics.

"You jerk! You won't get away with this!" Mokuba spat out, glaring fiercely at the man they had both thought had brought them there to seek business. After all, he was a growing name in their country. Despite being someone who studies human behaviour, they had predicated that they could make use of him due to this knowledge. After all, games needed to appeal. They had used those types of specialists numerous of times to see what was attractive on the market and what was not.

"You should teach your brother not to talk to superiors like that, Kaiba. It's very disrespectful." the man told, looking very at ease despite the situation being anything but. His hands were in the pockets of his suit as if to prove a point that he could relax in a time whereas the tall CEO couldn't afford to. Seto glared without restrictions, taking in the appearance of his newfound nemesis. Contrary to the man's clothing, which looked quite expensive, his hair looked dull and thin, and his teeth were yellow. Obviously he cared not so much for his looks. He must not have heard of the true sentence that image was everything to the public eye. But as his own eyes refused to let go, his mind did, returning to the discussion present.

"I taught him not to show respect to those with less common sense than he. So far, he obeys that quite perfectly." Seto stated proudly, smirking.

"Hm. Never the one to cower in fear. Which is why you'll do quite perfectly." the man mused, a small smile on his face that told of all the secrets and answers he could not decipher. Though there was nothing with him that gave the impression of a nice person. Nothing could redeem him now after doing this to him. Humiliating him by overpowering him. While he was with his brother as well!

"Enough of this small-talk! Name your price. You're obviously here for something." Kaiba declared in an irritated voice, wanting this over and done with so he could extract his revenge.

"Ah, yes. But I'm afraid you won't quite agree to it."

"What a shock." the brunet commented dryly.

"With time however, you will." the black-haired man revealed.

"Stop speaking in riddles, old man!"

"Straight to business, are we? Well then…" he said, pausing for effect. His brown eyes turned cold, as did his voice. "Give me the boy." he ordered, reaching out his arm as if to take Mokuba with it. Like the CEO would let his brother go just like that, to be held captive within his grasp.

"Never!" Kaiba defied without even considering other options. For there were no other options in his mind. Giving up his brother was ludicrous.

"Having you resist is expected. But, like I said, give me the boy. Or I'll shoot you." he easily told, his free hands gesturing to the armed group around them. But Kaiba was not one to be so easily defeated.

"Hmpf, think again. If you want something from me, you'd only be a fool to have me killed." Kaiba declared, his body standing protectively in front of his brother despite the fact that it really didn't provide genuine safety since they were surrounded. He could only curse himself for bringing him. He had wanted Mokuba to take an active part in their mutual company, being with him when making contracts and business arrangements. But with afterthought, he could have waited at least a year more. There was no reason to have rushed the process of bringing Mokuba in more and more into this deceitful world.

It was all his fault, and he knew there was no way to deny it. That was why this failure stung so intensely.

"Well, I can have **him** killed then. It doesn't really matter to me." the raven-haired man declared carelessly, referring to Mokuba while waving his hand away as if it was nothing. For some reason that simply angered the CEO, that his brother was simply discarded like garbage, but he was desperate not to let his weaknesses show.

"I told you, I won't-"

"Seto, maybe I-" Mokuba who had previously kept quiet now began to speak, standing beside his older brother whilst letting go of his hand. Blue eyes narrowed, and he took a tight grip of Mokuba's shoulder, forcing him to stay put.

"I said no, Mokuba!" he hissed out, angry his brother dared to think different. And blue eyes glared into his brother's ones, scolding as time stood still for only a moment.

"But Seto, he wants to shoot you!" his brother pleaded, his eyes containing sadness. Kaiba's face smoothed, a reassuring smirk on his lips.

"He won't." he promised calmly, his voice containing promise that would never be betrayed. Somehow the worried look on his brother's face was not assuaged by it. The younger Kaiba opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off before he even had a chance to talk.

"You're right, Kaiba. I won't. I'll shoot your brother instead." the middle-aged man informed with a detached voice and face. "Now, could you please make a decision? Like you, I am a very busy man, Kaiba. I have very important things scheduled today." he declared, looking at his wristwatch casually as if to mock the brunet and his current situation.

"What a pity. For some reason, I really don't find myself caring." Seto insulted drawly. The man sighed heavily as if forced to do a regretful deed.

"I had hoped it wouldn't come to this." his enemy declared as if he actually truly meant it. The raven-haired man's hand then raised above his head, and he did a hand signal. On cue, all the men surrounding them aimed at the younger Kaiba, clicks being heard from each of them in an ominous way to foretell the disaster they could bring. Instantly Mokuba's eyes widened, as did Seto's. Trying to stand in front of his smaller form did no good, the armed men were everywhere. Like insects. Endless, never-ending, and irritating. The man, as he had previously known as Mr Satou, though he firmly believed it was merely a fake identity to hide his true one in case anyone wanted to trace him after this encounter, proceeded to do a count down with his fingers. He knew why and what for.

And he found himself scared.

Rarely, if ever, had he felt this helpless and frightened, now knowing he held little control of his own destiny. It rested in someone else's greedy palms now, and he had little comprehension how to take it back.

Helpless. Worthless. But he would not settle being a victim.

"Wait!" Seto objected, causing the so-called Mr Satou to stop, his fingers currently counted down to three. "Just tell me what the hell you want!" Kaiba ordered harshly, his glare permanently etched on his pale face as desperation wavered in his voice.

"What I want right now, is for your brother to come here." Satou declared, no ounce of neither anger nor sick pleasure on his face. It was cold. Perhaps he was a real businessman under that deceitful cover.

Blue eyes stared helplessly, both of his fists clenched. He couldn't give his brother up like this! It could be dangerous! That scumbag had already declared Mokuba's life didn't matter to him! There was no safety in allowing Mokuba to be brought into that man's clutches. But he had no reassurance his sibling would make it without a scratch from any other option either, his mind almost paralysed, empty with logic as if his brain had leaked it all out.

And so he felt weak, yet his outside showed nothing as it persistently refused to, only his hands and eyes giving away merely an ounce of the emotion hitting him inside.

There was nothing he could do… His briefcase may be able to take bullets, but the shooters circled around them. There was no way…

He had no weapon either. What could he possibly do?

Is this what he had come to? Being a failure to his brother? A failure as a brother? No…no, there had to be something else. Something he was missing. If he attacked the leader… Surely it was a risky move, but…

Though his mind boggled over what to do, tainted and flawed solutions brief in his mind whilst only one stood out clearer than the rest, there was a factor he had forgotten to bring into his calculations during this short period of time; his own brother. And so without any warning, he soon saw Mokuba running away from his side toward Satou, his long black hair almost flowing in the wind as to help Kaiba get a hold of him and bring him back. Blue eyes widened at the action his brother had proceeded to do, terror apparent as he had no time to shield it from his face, instincts taking over. Fruitlessly did he reach out his arm to catch, to get a grasp of his brother that failed to realize how utterly important it was for the brunet that he was to survive.

Nothing else mattered.

His fingertips could feel the fabric of shirt as he had leaped after, but as he tried to get a hold, Mokuba was free. It only took a second before two armed men held Mokuba's arms tightly so he couldn't move whilst another one stood behind the black-haired teenager, gun pointed right at Mokuba's unprotected head, daring the CEO to take one step further.

And Kaiba could only wish they'd been at a stalemate instead of this, anything but this. His body stood still, eerily frozen as he stared at his brother who's face looked apologetically at him, begging for forgiveness that was uncalled for. For Seto held no anger nor resentment to him. Only to himself for allowing everything to happen. For allowing this trap to work on him. Had he not lacked the intelligence, Mokuba would have never felt forced to run to that man. There was no denying it; if anything happened, it was Kaiba's fault. And there were certain things one can't take back.

When holding all the answers now, he knew he should have made a wider research on Satou. He should've never brought Mokuba here to this place of solitude that was ghostly free of humans. He should've armed himself even though he was not entitled to.

But he didn't. He hadn't. And now Mokuba had to pay. Why was it always so, that his sins washed over to Mokuba's unsullied hands instead of staying glued to his own tainted ones?

"I'm sorry, Seto." the croaked voice admitted as it escaped Mokuba's lips. The irony of it all. Those words weren't meant to fall out of his brother's mouth. No one's but his own. They did not belong to him, as Mokuba seemed to think. But realizing this was not the time to debate about such petty things, his hard eyes turned to the man that'd probably turn kidnapper any second now, glaring as he spat out the words with boldness as sincere as the seraph.

"You've got your way! Now release him! Let him go, and I give you my word I won't leave!" he demanded, blue eyes fierce. Satou only observed, drinking in the words and facial changes before correcting the position of his glasses and returning to the verbal world.

"No! Seto don't do this! Don't worry about me, just go!" Mokuba interrupted fiercely, worry plaguing his features. Satou spared him a calm glance before turning his eyes back to the brunet.

"Those arrangements can't be taken into action, I'm afraid." he told dismissively before turning his head to one of the nameless men, his hand making a gesture to come. Simultaneously the person came to bring him an item. A gun.

Nervous and blanched with fear, Kaiba could not think of any other way to prolong the inevitable other than with words. For if they were to attack, they most likely would shoot Mokuba, or threaten to. There was no other way.

"Quit the games!" the brunet instantly interrupted. "Just tell me what the hell you want!" Kaiba harshly inquired, fists clenched with knuckles lost of colour. As white as if he'd been deathly ill. Satou raised his dull eyes from the weapon and looked up at the CEO meters away from him while his rough fingers carefully trailed over the surface of the cool metal that was soon to be warmed up.

"You." he told in a too cryptic manner for the CEO to fully understand, leaving him perplexed and engrossed. Instantly the weapon was raised, surprisingly pointed right at the brunet instead of his brother. As his eyes widened in the realisation that he could not do much, the loud cry of the gun ringing in his ears mixing with the scream of his brother called out to him. Before he knew it, an odd stinging sensation started to slowly grow, from having sensed nothing to clearly discern pain in merely a few milliseconds. His jaw clenched, forcing himself not to appear weak, and thus having the startling agony being shown by a muffled cry. Instinctively his hand raised itself to his wounded area, his stomach, holding the area around it protectively.

He felt no blood.

"00:03:00 minutes, counting down." one of the armed men declared, eyes on a wristwatch in a professional tone.

A sudden wave of dizziness caused him to start to blink, his vision going blurry from time to time. Doubting if the world was merely spinning or if he was starting to lose balance, his logic, which started to betray him at the moment, guessed it was the latter. With unsteady feet did he search to find stability only to fall to his knees in disgrace. With his vision going from focused to unfocused, he started to grow a headache. Nevertheless, he tried to look at his stomach, his fingers feeling something not quite right there. With eyes that were growing unreliable did he observe the place in which he had been shot at for several seconds to fully process what he saw.

It appeared it was not a bullet, but something he for now lacked the common sense to understand. But a needle it surely contained, having penetrated through his pale skin into his body. With puzzled eyes did he raise his head, staring at Satou as he was with his knees dirtied on the ground.

"Seto!" Mokuba screamed yet again to gain his brother's attention whilst trying to run over to his wounded form. But he was unable to, two men holding his arms tightly despite his frantic tries to break free, thus preventing him from getting away. Overpowered, he could only watch albeit reluctant to it. Burning tears were quickly created, but none courageous enough to spill just yet.

"Mokuba…" Seto murmured almost incoherently to himself, trying to keep his vision steady.

"Don't worry, kid. I didn't really shoot your brother. It's just to make him sleep for a while." Satou told in a calm manner, eyes on the elder Kaiba however, more interested in the reactions he'd come up with.

"What…are you doing to me?" Seto asked, finding his voice to be more intact than his control over his limbs at least.

"02:00 minutes, counting down." the time-teller told, eyes glued onto his wrist still.

"Seto, Seto listen to me! You have to get away! Do it! I'll be alright! Just go!" Mokuba urged almost frantically, painfully ignored by both the man behind this scheme as well as the brunet, who only stared into his brother's eyes, slowly shaking his head in a definite no. Satou continued despite the interruption.

"Call it a calculated plan, if you wish. But I do think you'd rather call me evil. Whichever, the outcome will be for my benefit, and you're going to be my most useful pawn in a game greater than you could have ever imagined." Satou told while pride dripped from every word as if it was as sweet as was syrup. And the words fell down to Kaiba, making him sticky and uncomfortable, wishing he'd never came near them.

"You're sick!" Mokuba spat accusingly as he was even more determined to get loose whilst trying to kick his captors to enable this goal. It was all in vain.

"You're not fit to make that judgement. You don't know the purpose of this." Satou told with detachment in his voice. Meanwhile Kaiba continued to unpleasantly drift between awarenesses, his breathing controlled as he tried to get up. A futile attempt. Pathetically did he fall down as he tried, humiliation clear in his mind, shining brightly to remind him of his failure even more.

Faintly did he hear his brother's voice, urging for the freedom of the CEO, but he paid little attention, concentration on his body's weaknesses at the moment in order to understand and perhaps overcome them. He could faintly see two approaching feet, and his muscles tensed despite whatever it was that had been injected into him tried to disable him from any of that.

Satou crouched down, looking at Kaiba with eyes that told nothing, staring as if to find something important. Kaiba tried to gather strength to hit him, but once he had, Satou had gotten up and moved away. Yet so teasingly close. Desperately he still tried to get a hold of him, reaching but not grasping. So it was clear to him. He was of no use anymore, too handicapped to do anything constructive.

"We must do this quickly. He'll lose consciousness soon." Satou informed his subordinates, and some nodded in response. Instantly did the two captors holding Mokuba lead the younger Kaiba forward, stopping so that they stood perfectly in front of the fallen Kaiba while being meters away, as if he had to get a clear view of what was to happen. Casually did Satou grab a gun handed to him, the tip quickly pointed at Mokuba's forehead once he held it. His gaze lingered on Seto however, who despite himself tried to get up, his heartbeat rapidly increasing its activity. Fear was what he tasted while trying to breathe strength in calmed breaths. He had to interfere. Had to stop this madness.

"01:00 minutes, counting down." the same anonymous person alerted, detached from the scenario at hand.

Strangely enough for reasons he didn't dare to question, he managed to tower, and with staggering feet he tried to walk over. Satou smirked as he watched almost proudly.

"You want to be strong, don't you, Kaiba?" Satou asked, his face sickly calm. His voice was so smooth, not croaking at all. No regret filling him, accepting these sins so easily. The CEO's determination grew, staggering one step at a time, refusing to let go of his soon-to-be victim with his eyes.

"It's important to me that you become just that. I won't succeed with this otherwise." the middle-aged man informed, correcting the position of his glasses once more. Menacingly close now, Kaiba attempted to overpower the other by any means necessary, not paying his words any attention.

He knew not why the man allowed him to move so freely, why he smirked so satisfied at him, and why he waited so patiently. But it mattered not, for it took too much brain-power to think of such things as he was struggling with the sedation. And finally, close at last, his arms raised with a victorious feeling accompanying the action made.

"00:30 minutes, counting down."

But just as he was about to strangle the other man he found his arms being abruptly restricted and he was forced down to the ground, not aware of how many people there currently were behind him. In this condition, it may only be one. In accordance to this happening, he could hear Mokuba yell his name. And so he tried to break free, which seemed to satisfy the middle-aged man, a fascinated smirk on his lips still.

"Do you know when a man becomes truly strong, Kaiba? Aside from when our own lives are at stake, of course." he asked, interest in his own voice showing this was a subject that fascinated him. Kaiba glared, his arms trying to pull away from the ones holding them. As always, it was futile.

"There are only in two situations it can happen, I have decided." he informed generously, glad to expand his thesis. "The first one is when a man has to protect something so utterly important to him that it must be his reason for existence. His raison d'être, so to speak." he told with a knowing smirk. "I'm sure you agree with that one, Kaiba. It's what makes you unable to fall asleep now. Man can pull themselves through great things when faced with the possible loss of their raison d'être." he tried to calmly inform, but his excitement shone through despite that. "Because without it, they'd have no reason to continue on. It's as natural as survival instincts. Actually, it **is** survival instincts in a way."

"Let…Mokuba…go." Seto demanded whilst growing fatigue, his eyelids having a hard time staying open. There were no longer inner debates inside him; all was empty in the vast land that was his mind. Aside from one shining thought that was repeated time after time so as to not ever forget.

Save Mokuba.

"Countdown finished." the male voice told, and the eyes of the ambushers all turned to the CEO, waiting to see if anything would come to happen. If he would stay awake or not.

He could faintly feel how his limbs grew so weak his fingers could barely move. Or maybe they couldn't already, he did not know. And despite his pleading, the middle-aged man continued on with his words that mattered little, forcing him to wallow in darkness, unaware of the outcome his brother would suffer through.

"Then, there's the other scenario." Satou began, an ominous smirk on his lips that Kaiba could hardly see, looking around to try and find a way out of this predicament and save his brother.

"You see, it's only when man has nothing to care for that he can handle life without fear." he informed, finger still over the trigger, the tip of the gun still pointed at his brother, and his brother still being captivated yet trying to struggle. "Fear is what gets in the way in our lives. Fear of not succeeding, fear of being unable to accomplish greater things, fear of losing what we have." he ranted, his tone growing more excited by each word as he was enraptured by his own logic.

"Let…Mokuba…" Kaiba proceeded to try once again, but Satou interrupted, uninterested in his final wish before god knows what would happen to him.

"But once the reason to live is gone, there is nothing stopping man now. Because they still have to live. They'll be so easy to manipulate and control if you just know the right buttons to push." Satou explained, but Kaiba paid no attention, eyes on his brother, blue eyes glazed over as he tried to find redemption within himself.

He couldn't.

And the tears that had gathered in Mokuba's eyes started to fall, rolling down his cheeks, proof of just how much he had been unable to be the victor of this unfortunate meeting.

"Mokuba…" Seto murmured, his left hand twitching slightly, wanting to reach out. Simultaneously Mokuba's hand did the same, wanting to stretch out his arm to the brunet, but failing to. The tears increased, a shimmering light slowly moving down his brother's face for his blurry sight to see.

"Seto! Stay awake! Please, big brother…! You have to get away!" he urged even though it was the impossible he was asking for, his young eyes now red. Kaiba felt like snorting, but couldn't remember how to.

"Mokuba, I…" Seto started without success, slipping in his conscious, unable to formulate what it was he had tried to say.

"Sir, he's beginning to lose conscious. If you want him to remember -" one of the many nameless men surrounding them told almost worriedly. Satou disrupted him however.

"Don't interrupt. He'll stay awake, I know he will." he said calmly as he smirked knowingly. His eyes then changed their destination and turned his gaze to Mokuba. "But I guess it can't be prolonged anymore." he told, staring into the scared eyes of the teenager, the tip of the trigger no longer directed at the forehead of his brother, but the chest instead.

"No…!" Kaiba urged, muscles tensing to be able to function once again. And despite his two arms being firmly held, he forced himself up, albeit weakly, only to the amusement of Satou and worry of his brother. He could not give up. He couldn't. Yet his arms were held as prisoners in the nameless man's hands, and he could not overpower him.

"The fact that you are still struggling is amazing, Kaiba." Satou praised with awe.

But life was unfair as well as a tragedy, and his life was no exception. The harsh sound of a single bullet escaping deafened his ears as he stared with widened eyes at his brother. Trying to leap forward, he was unable to become the shield he wished to be, held back forcefully. And suddenly he could only see the wound, could only see the blood that slowly started to increase, soaking his brother's shirt from where he had been hit. Paralysed he stood, his body shaking as the carcass of his brother fell down to the ground helplessly, finally released from the holds of his captors.

"Mokuba!" he cried out in an almost perfect voice, bidding the formerly alive body on the ground to move just a little bit. If only the slightest. Any twitch would be enough. So it was with intensity he observed. But no one granted his wish, no one heard his inner pleads, and so the pool of blood only grew larger in a steady pace.

"The examples of your will and strength are impressive, Kaiba." Satou told, predisposed to whatever the brunet seemed to do, savouring the psychological discovery. But his voice faded away as Seto's eyes bore themselves to stay glued onto his brother, feebly hoping of a sign that Mokuba would be alive before he too lost awareness.

No such thing happened.

And his vision grew black as his body lost its will.

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**To Be Continued... **

Words: 4834  
Pretty normal amount of words, right? No one fell asleep I hope. Right? -looks uneasily at crowd-

Firstly, I'm aware pretty many are angry that Mokuba didn't last more than one chapter. Sorry. But it's all got a reason, I swear! And to the part of Kaiba suddenly getting all this strength when he was supposed to have fallen unconscious; well, it's not entire unknown that there have been happenings of people putting their body through great pain or other things for someone/something else. For example; a husband/father getting shot so severely, he should have been dead, but wasn't, because he wished to protect his family so he stayed alive to do so. Or in a disaster, where a grandmother (I think) refused to die despite injuries until she knew the rest of her family was safe. Etc etc. And Seto fits that category of people so darn well. If you don't agree, you may say so.

Anyhow, is anyone even interested so far? I know it's pretty weird, and Jounouchi hasn't even arrived yet (he will in the next chapter though, for those curious), so I wonder if you people reading it liked it or got a spark of interest? Did you, or didn't you? Is this even worth continuing?

If you find any faults, and I mean any, don't hold them in! I need to improve, so you'd only help. (And maybe one day, there won't be any faults! ...Or not. If one could only be so lucky.)

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I'm going away for the weekend, so please **review** so I have something to return to! (My persuasion skills suck, I know) Anyhow, if you will, please review and tell me your opinion whether this story is worthwhile or not.


	2. Tabula rasa

**Warning:** A cynical and slightly depressive mood, possibly many spelling errors, OOC-tendencies, bad language at a few points, blood, original characters (that have no love interest in the canon cast), yada yada.

**Note:** I deeply apologize for this ridiculously late update. You see, when I got back from my trip, I was granted with the knowledge that a relative of mine would come and visit (she's still here as I am typing this). And let me tell you, she's snoopy! I was writing (only an email, thank god -.-) and she simply looked over my shoulder and started to read! Without my consent! And have done so otherwise as well. So, I had little to no time writing, for it was not safe with her around. Hmpf. But alas, her evil plan did not succeed, for I used the power of night (meaning pulling an all nighter) to get this done.

If you can't remember what happened in the last chapter: Kaiba brothers' were totally pawned by armed men. Kaiba tried to use his mad skills to save Mokuba, but alas, all for nothing. So the kid dies, the hero faints, and the crazy guy babbeled. Are you following?

This chapter's supposed to be in an anachronological order by the way. Why? Because I think it's more interesting. Plus, it serves a purpose for me as a writer to tell the story. I've even been generous to hand out time references so you can piece it all together if you'd like. Anyhow, start reading:P

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**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 2

by Growing Pain

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His brown eyes gazed down with mixed emotions, his true mental state unknown and unclear. The light breeze tousled the blond hair easily, cooling him down on an otherwise tepid morning. But the temperature seemed worse due to the stress he received at the moment, unnerving him and disabling his tongue to properly function. A single flower in his hand, a white one, was visible and he currently clenched his fist around it's stem while his eyes scattered the area in avoidance. 

"So…it's been awhile." the man's voice finally spoke, his voice slightly croaking. But the error was quickly fixed as he cleared his throat, uneasy eyes staring down again at their objective. No response was heard, as expected.

"I'm…um…doing fine, in case you wondered." he voiced out while his free hand rubbed his neck, eyes up at the sky while he bit his lip, mentally scolding himself for even doing this sort of thing. Despite the inner obstacles, the urge to continue overweighed his desire to leave. "I got myself a job as a waiter at really fancy place a month back. Guess all my working experience made them want me." he told mindlessly, slowly growing more comfortable. "The people there are nice, too. Not as snobby as I first thought. We're not the same...but like I said, they're nice, and I also get paid better than any other place I've been at. I think I might stick with this job for a longer time. Instead of trying to find something better, you know?" the words slipped out of his mouth with ease, though his eyes were still unfocused, happily staring at a tree or the grass around him, skilfully ignoring the apparent.

His heartbeats had calmed down. From almost making his chest explode it had descended down to simply keeping a fast rhythm. In a moment of serenity he sighed and slightly unwillingly looked down again, brown eyes met by the hard grey tombstone with words forever definite. The person's sealed fate could never be changed again, that the words assured. And a part of him, a rather large part of him, didn't want reality to be altered. The wish to be reunited was scarce in comparison to the abnormal apprehension of freedom. Something that tasted so sweet to his guilty tongue.

As he stared at the name, the dates and all other things absolute, bitterness returned, slowly crawling its way into his mind and provoking it with memories of the life that he had endured, and the life he had been left behind with. The responsibilities, the stress, the feeling of being a failure. To be worthless, existing only to make money whenever it was called for. The resentment that never truly vanished, no matter how hard he tried to leave the past. And so his eyes glared at the stone, forgetting the shame he felt for not being entirely saddened by the other person's departure.

"I brought you a flower." he revealed in a voice trying to mask his contempt, the glare still apparent. "I really don't know why anymore. It's not like you deserve it, or that you would bring one to me." the blond man snorted in an unfriendly manner. "It's not even like you tried…!" he told loudly, his hand tightly clenching the shaft of the plant, the last part of his vocal anger referring to the life they had shared.

His breath, irregular, tried to calm itself even if he looked ready to punch anyone near. Luckily, no one was.

"Are you freaking happy now?" he muttered out, poison caressing each and every word. "All your damned debts were left to me. Me!" the man claimed. "Bastard! Why can't you just let me live my own life instead of taking care of yours all the time! I'm tired of this! You're dead now! Gone! You're not supposed to piss me off anymore!" he roared, voicing out the hidden rage built up. His arms were moving fluidly, making gestures at both himself and the other. Yet the single flower was safely kept within his hold as he was unrelenting to let it go. But petals couldn't help but be shaken off. His eyes did not detect this however, too busy with his one-sided conversation.

"What the hell did I ever do to you anyway! It's not my fault your life was so fucking bad! Blame yourself!" he continued with speaking the words he had rarely had the courage, or foolishness, to say before, his grip around the stem tightening, sweat increasing. "It's all your fault anyway! If you hadn't been such a worthless scumbag, our family would still be alright! I never got to see Shizuka for **years** because of you! Years!" his voice continued to make loud accusations over the deserted area, his voice croaking towards the end, causing him to stop, suddenly aware of his actions.

So his eyes stared at the words carved onto the tombstone with intensity, as if he could make it explode at will. But he couldn't, and so the memorial remained intact, staring back at him. Laughing. Mocking his current status of life. A slave of debts. As it always had been. Such a fool he had been to think he could ever escape such a destiny.

Jounouchi Hiromu  
1951-2010

During the period of something like a minute, his breathing had gone regular and his rage had been contained. Calm once more, he attempted to speak while his eyes stared down with a look as if he had seen something absurd, alerted by a train of thought within his mind .

"But you know what's funny?" he asked, a lopsided smile that was not true shaping his lips. There was no reply to the question, and all that was, was the wind that almost didn't move, anticipating the answer obediently.

"I can never truly hate you." he revealed, his expression almost afflicted due to this. "Sad, isn't it?" he asked, attempting to cover up his unease with a forced chuckle as he rubbed his neck. But the hollow sound pained his ears, and so it quickly descended down to nothing, and the blonde returned to his grave state.

"Well… maybe I'll see you some other time, old man." the blond male announced with a non-committal voice, ready to leave. Slowly he turned, his feet lingering on the grass, his back now turned against the stone. But he stopped for reasons he vaguely were aware of himself.

He had never gotten any closure. And most likely never would.

Somehow, that fact saddened him. Because it wasn't as if talking out with his father would have changed anything… Really…

Clenching his hands once more, reminded of the durable memories that constantly caused him to feel like a bad person when he knew he was not, his body reacted to the object he had forgotten during all his inner commotion. The flower.

Raising his hand to inspect it, he noticed that its stem now broken in half and some petals were missing. Though it was not all too evident, so it would still suffice as a gift. But his father's grave did not deserve such an offering. Not yet, anyway. Not when the wounds were still sore and the memories still too fresh.

But on this land of the dead, there were other options.

And so he knew just who to give it to.

**XxxX**

When he finally awoke he had not been hit by the utter sadistic realization of tragedy life had granted him. Instead he found that his head hurt, as well as feeling a prominent tinge of something being utterly wrong. Usually he was a man who dismissed such things, but had it not been for the fact that he had opened his eyes and met the view of a location that was far from being his own room, or any other room he was accustomed to for that matter, he would have continued to stay in bed.

Introduced to this rare scenario, he shot out of bed, faintly noticing in the process of standing up that he was not wearing his own clothes. These were drenched with the colour white, a pair of trousers and a matching shirt. Alerted by this, he decided to take in his surroundings instead of thinking of what anyhow could have done to him during his time unconscious.

Senses heightened, his blue narrowed eyes scattered over the enclosed room, taking in no more than a bed, a very cheap bed in comparison to what he's used to, a rather large mirror he didn't reflect over at the moment, and a door, that his mind paid the most attention to.

White all over, from the smooth floor to the white hard walls, to the sheets of his cheap bed, it was stingingly hurtful to his eyes, and his thoughts instantly associated the setting to that of a stereotypical cell of a mental institution.

He immediately questioned his reason being there, of all the places one could be, and decided to locate the answer within his memories. Though the task seemed far more troublesome than he had believed. For some reason, it was fuzzy. Vague. It took some time to place the route of time he had lived through.

Eyes dazed due to the occupation of thoughts, he stood still before the door, trying to retrieve the answer something inside him told him he had. His outside was calm despite the new environment that caused him worry, heavily implying someone had taken him there against his own will. But the brunet was not a man to panic or let himself fall out of his composure.

Choosing the tactic of reconnecting the dots by starting off the final day he has any recollection of, he did just so. And that last day he could muster up to remember was a Wednesday. He had woken up and gone to work alongside with Mokuba that day. Nothing strangely unusual aside from the fact that Mokuba would partake more in their business.

And so, his previously discarded shreds of recognition came together as if being pieces of a puzzle, showing a somewhat clear image, slightly obscure.

Armed men. Surrounded. Threats concerning Mokuba. And Mokuba running away while he himself tried to reach out. That was lucid to him so far. But then…something interfered with the quality of his remembrance. And that made him search himself more furiously, aware the answer would surface from it.

Trying to re-enact the scenario in his head to be properly able to conjunct the fragments that were within his mind's captivity, he slowly reached the desired point of truth.

There had been pain. He had been shot, but not truly fatal. Though it impaired his senses severely, which probably was the reason why he had such a difficult time comprehending anything even now. But most of all, he was frightened. Both then and now.

For he had yet to know if Mokuba was safe. Knowing that was the most important.

As the man locked himself within his own barriers of his psyche, reality eventually came sneaking up to him, taking its torturous time. Slowly, ripping him apart.

No word was evident in recollections. Lips moved, he was sure. That man, the one he'd never forgive, had talked. But all that was unmistakably true to his doubting and pained self was the sharp gunshot, the burdening blood, and at last, Mokuba falling down never to move again.

Remembering this…he felt as helpless as he had once promised himself he would never be.

Rage filled him instantly, and not for being ripped of his freedom and locked up in a small room that could surely tempt anyone to feel claustrophobic, but for the injustice bestowed upon Mokuba. For Mokuba was truly all that ever mattered.

To this life…there were no more reasons. All was meaningless. Whatever choice he made, it didn't matter. **He** didn't matter now. His purpose; gone. His strength; vanished. And all left were the broken pieces that screamed for justice. For revenge.

Not finding himself as tired and unable to fully use his limbs as the last time he could remember being awake, he practically jumped out of the bed, heading for the door that seemed to have no handle, nor anything alike, on it. After failed attempts at trying to locate a switch or something like that to open it, he resorted to other methods.

The brunet was no longer the same, that he knew. They had changed him the minute Mokuba fell down to the ground. Now, he was without pride. Without somewhere to belong. Without anything.

Losing the most important person… It pained so severely he had no desire to explore it. Standing in front of the door, he started to kick it in blind fury in an attempt to break free. First kick was hard and powerful, marking his strength. But those that followed were no more than failed attempts at camouflaging his pain whilst roaring for the cowards who locked him up to dare face him.

Composure and outward strength were lessons quickly forgotten to his mourning self, leaving the unfinished fragments of his soul. And so he kicked to no avail, releasing the anger, bidding the reality of his world to not be what it was. And he pushed it to bust open to no avail, and pounded as well, trying to forget the horrible memories of the forever still face of his brother that still lurked within his mind, to the blood that assaulted his clothes. And when his throat went sore from trying to bring attention to his ruined self, he found that his fist had started to grow red. For unknown reasons his will lessened drastically as he simply stared perplexed at the door as if it had told him of taboo truths, when in fact understanding there was no such thing as an escape from this merciless room.

Drained of all the essential things that made a man stand up, gravity found its way and he slowly sank down to his knees, staring hopelessly in front of him as he leaned against the door, a painful agony in his heart of a magnitude he had never experienced before.

Having lost everything and not knowing what was to come were the two great horrors he had learned to never look down upon. And he wished to any deity that might exist for this to be merely a cruel joke or a twisted dream.

But he knew the cold truth that was life. And so the hand squeezing his heart so shamelessly only tightened its grip spitefully.

**XxxX**

Their eyes observed the test subject eagerly, excited to see him react for the first time being awake since they had sedated him less than a week ago. But despite their inner curiosity of what was to happen, their outsides remained calm and correct, staring through the glass of the other side of the false mirror, listening to the repeated shouts by the tall brunet where their presence were demanded. A man with clear glasses protecting his dull brown eyes smirked faintly at the event.

"So he's lost it. He's aware of losing his raison d'être... I think we can fully incorporate the second stage of project Child Prodigy, now that his conscious seem to have come to terms with it..." he announced with pride, wearing a smug look. Another man, this one thinner than the other but his face stern, looked at him with a slightly dissatisfied look. In the rectangular room they sat in stood a handful of their subordinates behind them, wearing customary nurse clothes, obediently quiet to their superiors. Some stared through the glass and observed the captured man. Some avoided to look completely. In the end, it was all the same. None could escape from this now. Prisoners were they all of this calculated plan.

"How can you be so content, knowing how many people are searching for him at the moment? The media has, as expected, feasted in the news of the younger Kaiba's death and the disappearance of the elder one. They're looking for us now. And yet you look so pleased." he scolded in a calm manner, an obvious contradiction. His hands were towered and clasped in front of his face, the elbows resting on the desk. Bestowing the image of control.

"Dr Wakai, you worry too much." the man with the glasses told, eyes still on the oblivious brunet behind the glass that was too strong for humans to break. They were safe, even if he'd discover the possibility of people observing him for the other side.

"Hmpf. I think I'm justified to have this concern over my own life, don't you, Takashi? Despite the genius that he may be, I still find him to be unsuitable for our project." he told, testing his limits. Perhaps in need of reassurance as the Kaiba tragedy and mystery had been nearly non-stop on the various Japanese channels all over the country.

"You know he's perfect, that's why you agreed to this in the first place." the aforementioned Takashi assured, untouched by the wavering feelings of his comrade.

"A child would be more appropriate. A child we could manipulate."

"We'll do the same with him as well. You know that." he continued. "Besides, later on, you'll have your children." he told, causing them both to smirk faintly at events that had yet to be taken into action.

"But had it been a nameless citizen, hardly anyone would care. Now, now we have murdered Kaiba Mokuba in the expense of being able to take Kaiba Seto. The world is waiting for us to be found. To punish us." he told, calmer now, but the seed of doubt still within.

"There's nothing to worry about. You know we have high connections sponsoring us. We're protected."

"For now…" he snorted out, not the one to trust others with favours. Takashi raised an eyebrow, lightly peeved.

"Dr Wakai, are you familiar with the term 'tabula rasa'?" he asked, turning his head to face the other man. The office chair he sat in twirled afterwards, his entire front directed to the doctor, his smart suit visible. Wakai looked back without amusement, his short and shaved black hair immoveable while the thin strands of Takashi's hair tilted whenever gravity wanted it to, changing whenever his head moved. "It means 'blank slate'."

"So?"

"So, it means that, within philosophy of course, some believe that humans are born without any predetermined characteristics. That they are a blank paper, so to speak, that'll be written out during their upbringing." he explained with a knowing smirk. As the words of the hinted future sank in, Wakai smirked as well.

"I see…"

"Kaiba here already has his paper written out." he explained, his rough hand gesticulating towards the brunet in the other room who was now quiet, having sunk down on the floor. "That is unfortunate for us. But we'll make him forget all the words on it, just as planned. And as such, when there's only a blank paper left, he is like a child. New to the world. And it's up to us to form him. Shape him."

"And ultimately, use him." Wakai filled in.

"Correct."

And so, when the momentary paranoia had stopped seething and turned calm under the supervision, their eyes and concentration turned back to their test subject, who's change they noted with interest.

"He looks quite defeated." Wakai shared, taking notes within his notebook of the happenings as well as writing down the current date. July 7th, 2008.

"It's as expected. Mokuba's dead. We took his raison d'être. Now, when we'll wipe his paper clean, there'll be no subconscious thinking that will lead him to break free to find his raison d'être once again. With it permanently gone, we have full control, and he'll have little reason to struggle."

"True. The extermination of Kaiba Mokuba was, and is still, a risky procedure. But it'll benefit us more. If Kaiba Seto had the knowledge that his brother was still alive, I reckon there'd be a lot of hazard having him conscious. And let's not forget, Mokuba would surely never give up searching for him." Wakai rationalized. "Anyhow, I have an appointment in half an hour. Should we begin his first dosage?" he asked, the tip of his pen resting against the paper that waited to be written on, wondering if he should add something or not. The other man nodded, concurring.

"Preferably." he answered, his brown eyes turning to look almost excitedly at the brunet, the ends of his lips turning upwards. Unaffected, Wakai proceeded to instruct a subordinate what to do, then continuing his notes, eyes on the clock simultaneously.

And one man's fate was then sealed.

**XxxX**

Time was not an apparent component in his life now, as night and day blended into one, the eternal light from the bulb in the middle of the room annoying his blue eyes. When he tried to sleep, he noticed it got darker, as if shading down for his comfort. But the light was always there nevertheless, his constant disturbance. Forever keeping him in sight. Watching.

He was starting to change. He could feel it. The scent of memory weakened within, and he had grown worried due to it. For it was not natural.

The brunet was accustomed to being alone for long periods of time, but this…this was extreme. Ridiculously extreme. Locked up in this room for who knows how long. It only left him alone with his mind, the one thing that carried all the memories of pain. Being alone for such a long time as he was, he thought a lot for there were no other activities to engage in, sadistically enough. So as he thought, he obsessed with trying to find something. What that something was, he was not yet aware of... Perhaps a spark? Maybe his self-preservation instincts were trying to work. Though it was failing quite obviously.

He still hadn't escaped this personal prison of his. Still locked up in the same room as he had been days prior. Maybe even weeks, by now. He didn't know the exact number, and didn't care to know.

Perhaps one could see it as a punishment of sorts for him. For not being strong enough to save his brother when truly needed. Had he ever saved his brother when he needed him to? In the end, did he ever win against his, their, persecutors? Both he and Mokuba had escaped them throughout their lives; true. But was he the reason for it? Hardly. External help had always been there, pathetically enough. Never could he do it on his own…

So in the end, it was only logical that Mokuba's fate would come to this. To death, as Kaiba himself lacked the proper security to offer him. Yes…that was the bitter irony of it all. The one that gave him the will to live would die under his care… Typical.

At such a weak moment in his life, that reasoning proved to be adequate, and he sighed almost inaudibly, plagued as always. Solace had ceased to exist, abandoning him so cruelly.

His logic told him that he was not isolated within these walls as a punishment. And if it was for that motive, it was not for being a failure as a brother, but probably something else. Something that had to do with his business; Kaiba Corp. People nowadays resorted to very unlikely measures when risking to lose their higher places in the cold, competitive market he had been delighted in entering at first.

But it still didn't make sense. He was fed on a regular basis. He had access to a bathroom even, despite it being only under certain times. Times he, she or they decided. It was most likely a 'they'. Hardly could anyone accomplish this single-handedly. And this thesis was proven at the already vague recollection of being assaulted by several armed men. An organisation? Which?

…But he supposed it didn't matter. What had he left to fight for? His life had almost always been about Mokuba as far as he could remember. Instantly as soon as Mokuba had joined the family, their mother had departed, dead in childbirth. It was only natural for him to take on a parental role he thought was lacking within the house. And when their father passed away as well, that duty was etched onto his being. He could never break free from it. Surprisingly, he never found himself wanting to do so either. It gave him purpose.

Such a role had been loyally kept throughout the years. He had wanted to think of himself as a good brother. Wanted to be a good judgement. A solid shoulder to lean on. But wishes were wishes, and reality was what it was, and the two rarely blended together.

So yes indeed, this room, this isolation, was his punishment. Intended or not, he controlled it to be such. Because he had decided that it was. In the hands of someone else, he had yet to let go of the need of being the supreme one in his life.

Perhaps that aspect would never allow itself to change.

And so the minutes ticked by as he could practically feel his memory being dusted away, the face of his brother painfully fuzzy. The only thing he had left of him, he would lose. As time passed him by, it took more and more from him, robbing him of the reason for this penalty.

Mokuba was still important. No matter what, he never wished to forget him, and certainly not in the manner he felt himself going through.

Why was he forgetting? Was it the food? Had they contaminated it with something? He had suspected such, and had refused to eat it for quite some time. Yet the eraser continued to work its way inside of him. Such an undisturbed trap.

He decided then, that he'd never be allowed to forget. He didn't deserve to. And when dinner, breakfast or lunch, or whatever it could have been, was given to him through a small, consciously made, gap in the wall, he took it.

Sitting down on the floor with his back turned towards the mirror, where he was sure he was being watched from as it was far too obvious, he hunched. Giving the illusion of eating. But he had other ideas in his now slightly deranged mind. Silently he took the knife, although plastic, and pressed against his skin, carving back and forth. Scarring his pale forearm, a calculated place which he'd see regularly, and thus promising that he'd never forget Mokuba.

It only caused red marks at first from abusing his skin in such a manner. The object was hardly sharpened. Yet the brunet persisted. Never would he give up. This was his reassurance. To never forget. To buy time he ate, keeping up pretences chewing slowly so he could work in peace.

Eventually, he was able to leave his mark. Unmistakenly, there was blood. The pain was inevitable. He could clearly feel it, no denying it. But it was necessary. He wouldn't allow himself to forget. That would be the easy escape. And he deserved no such thing.

When the blood seeped out of his self-inflicted wounds and tainted the white floor so harshly, the door opened and people rushed inside, people he had not had the fortune to meet before. People who's faces had been hiding behind the mirror, he was sure. Cowards. Watching him. Feeling as if they controlled him.

But they didn't. He wouldn't allow them the pleasure. He controlled himself, and that was how it would always be.

At such a time, the necessary word had already been created, a sufficient mark of remembrance. On his forearm, the name that cried out so proudly meshed with the red liquid was no other than his brother's; Mokuba.

Moments before the people that restrained him managed to sedate him, he felt a small smirk on his lips. A bittersweet feeling tasting sour to his inside. For even if this accomplishment slightly eased his concerns of permanent memory loss, there was still one loss he was responsible for, and never would forget. The one of his brother's life.

Remembering that, he failed to worry about his own.

**XxxX**

"Hi there, Mokuba." the blond man told, his attitude far more mirth now than at his previous visit. He bent down to the ground, though his knees were careful as to not touch the ground for the grass was still damp. He had every intention of arriving at work looking presentable. Decent, at the very least. Even so, his hair remained tousled, something that was merely natural to him.

The white flower in his hand was solemnly placed in front of the smooth stone that carried words forever definite.

"Here you go, kiddo. Just for you." he told with an earnest smile before rising up, though with no intention to leave, brown eyes staring down almost affectionately. Imagining the other standing there. Memories unconsciously seeped back to him, both old and fresh.

"Sorry I haven't visited in over a month. Ever since dad kicked the bucket my mind's been sort of busy. I hope you understand." he apologized with familiarity and nonchalance, one of his hands carelessly in his black pants' pocket whilst the other held his neck. Unintentionally did his eyes wander to the stones neighbouring the one came to visit, thinking back to information received long ago.

Apparently, their parents, their real ones, had been buried here. Somehow it had been arranged for the Kaibas' to be buried next to them as well. Probably Kaiba's doing. That neat-freak probably had his will written as soon as he took over as a CEO. Paranoid loser, that's what he was… But a slightly bearable one at that. The blond still deemed it unfortunate that it had to be the same graveyard that his father was at. He snorted at the coincidence. He wouldn't put it past Kaiba to do something like this intentionally. Of course it wasn't, but the blond found himself enjoying blaming the brunet for things, still. He missed that, sometimes.

…Kaiba's grave was also here. There was no body in it, of course, and because of that the words on his gravestone were merely lies. The police never found him, and Kaiba had remained lost without a trace ever since they found Mokuba's corpse deserted. No one ever found a trace of him, and so they decided to have him declared dead. Apparently it would ease the overtake of his business or something like that. …Greedy bastards…

Magazines and other media had all picked up on the death and disappearance instantly. Rumours and conspiracies wandered everywhere. It still did. Most already had their own opinion formed by now. Some people even claimed Kaiba had killed Mokuba in a fit of rage, or something equally ludicrous, and escaped when he came to his senses. The blond man ignored those rumours, for once feeling he was one of the smarter ones. Naturally, given their history, he didn't like to think of himself as someone close to the brunet CEO. But he was certainly aware he knew him better than most. As did his group of friends. …Which was sad, once you thought about it. But so was Kaiba, in his own proud way. So it all fitted together.

No matter, all of them knew he'd never lay a hand on his brother. Even if he did, he wouldn't run away. Judging by the way he had acted before they entered Pegasus' castle, when he threatened Yuugi with his life at stake, it was far more probable he'd turn himself in willingly to the authorities.

Or kill himself…

The thought wasn't pleasant, despite the various insults and mental wishes of misfortune he had created whenever angered by that pompous bastard. But he never really found any true joy from sadistic pleasures. Sure, humiliation would suffice. Beyond that however, that's where he drew the line.

"I haven't forgotten my promise, if that's what you think…" he murmured into the empty wind, his facial features making him appear solemn, which he was aware of. Slowly, his former self was retracted, starting with a small confident smile. Mokuba shouldn't really be visited by people in despair. As if being dead wasn't depressing enough.

"I promised you at the day of your funeral that I'd find your brother and bring him back to you." whether he was dead or alive… "And I have every intention of keeping that promise!" he told boldly, determination clear, not the least modest, even if he was virtually speaking to no one but the always moving wind that couldn't be bothered by his ramblings.

A valiant jerk of his head followed next alongside with a lopsided smile, a sincere glint returning to his face causing his eyes to nearly shine. Suddenly he looked younger than he was. Or rather, he looked as if something had returned to him. Something that had been inside and with him before the Kaiba incident had occurred and turned everyone's lives upside down; that carefree and optimistic look and attitude.

"Besides, Jounouchi Katsuya never gives up! You have my word!" the man named Jounouchi promised, staring down at the unresponsive stone that still shined as if it was new with the same cheerful expression glued on his face.

But time made it falter, and he furrowed his brow, looking away in an apologetic manner as if suddenly scolded, understanding reality wasn't so easy. Lips closed, he silenced himself, wanting to say the right words. The pause was prolonged by the harsh silence offered by the stone, and after awhile brown eyes gazed ruefully down at their objective, wanting forgiveness for not having kept his word for two years.

"…But it's not going too good at the moment. It might take some time…" he wandered off. Uncovering the simple fact that he was not efficient enough. That he had made a commitment which he perhaps, and most likely, could not keep.

A spark in him that refused to die refused in the same manner to extinct the blond man's desire to fulfil this contract of words assured by trust. So it was that same youthful consolation that lingered hidden within his departure words, bringing hope to the one that needed it the most; himself.

"Don't worry though. I've been slacking for quite some time, but I'll do better now. Because Kaiba's been away for too long, and I need to yell at him some more before it's too late. It's not as if I'm about to let the jerk get away so easily." he told, smiling brightly at the stone, reminded of how everyone's interaction used to be with the two brothers. Peculiar enough, he even remembered the bad times fondly… Heh. He supposed that was what death, and possible death, did to you. Just his luck to get sentimental though.

"You have my word." he promised seriously, staring at the stone a few second longer as to fully make the other one believe in him. As if such an act mattered to a stone or a dead body under the ground. To him, it seemed to, despite common sense.

And then only his fading footsteps were heard, leaving Mokuba to rest in peace while Jounouchi tried to accomplish the same tranquillity within.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

Words: 5931  
Hohoho, it grew. Shame on me! -hits fingers-

Were anyone expecting it to turn out like this? I'm afraid I was too obvious in the first chapter... :S Anyway, if you can't understand the timeline; with Kaiba and the research squad, we're following "directly" after the first chapters event. With Jounouchi, two years have passed since that. This chapter was originally supposed to contain many more scenes, but...too many scenes, basically. I couldn't write it all without it turning into a ridiculous amount of words. So the rest will be in the next chapter.

And no; Jounouchi does not just out of nowhere realize that "hey...I've got a crush on Kaiba!". That's retarded. First I say that there is interaction at the very least! Then they can jump each other if they'd like. >:P

A major thanks to everyone that reviewed:D I never thought I'd get so many for this story (as it started out in a not so good mood and didn't even feature Jounouchi). I'm truly glad! . -hands everyone virtual candy as thanks-

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I write, you review, so I write again and so on. And that is the perfect symbiosis. In theory anyway.


	3. Genesis of Alpha

**Warning: **Murder, blood, dialouges, longer chapter than last time, obvious plot (?) and weird occurences

**Note:** Sorry this chapter took such a long time to write. I haven't had the ability to write (all I wrote sucked majorly) and I put it off for a while so I could regenerate my "powers". I really like this story, so I only want high quality writing (as high as I can muster up at least), and that can't be forced out so easily. Hopefully you'll enjoy this, but before that: Thank you all my loyal readers! Your reviews make me happy! Wiee! -gives candy-

Also, stupid me! I meant anachronic order, not anachronical! Bwah! (Though I think it's properly labeled as "anachronism") Basically; we still have two timelines here, that are in chronological order, but only separately (meaning, the things I write about Kaiba: chronologica, vice versa with Jou. But separetely, they differ).

**Recap:** Jounouchi had an angst session at the graveyard. Kaiba suffered an identity crisis and memory loss after being abducted by, so far, random people. Joy.

* * *

**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 3

by Growing Pain

* * *

Lazily did he open his eyes, slowly growing aware of being conscious. When overcome by the initial tiredness, he ignored it, feeling that something was dangerously wrong, a vehement feeling in his gut predicating this truth. This notion was proven correct when his weary eyes took in his surrounding hurriedly, wanting the fullest knowledge possible. For the catastrophic vision he saw before him was he himself, lying strapped to a bed, disabling usage of both arms and legs. Oddly enough, a restricted sensation came from his throat as well, despite the fact that he could move his head and neck without any hindrance. But there was still something there, around it, and he was promptly aware that he did not have any recollections of how he got there. 

Pushing memories, or the lack of them, aside and allowing survival instincts to cut through, he violently began to try and free himself from the large, empty and hollow room filled with unoccupied beds that looked too old for comfort. His area of the room at least looked partially cleaned in comparison. But that did anything but soothe the man.

"Good morning." a woman's voice called to him with slight enthusiasm. Though her eyes spoke of pity as she cast her eyes down on the immobilized man, startling him as she entered the room with a clip and a pen in her hands, writing things down carefully. For some reason it disturbed him that she deemed this situation to be so normal. Was he suppose to be on the bed like that? What for? Where on earth could he possibly be? And so he wasted no precious time.

"I don't have time for games. Let me go, now." his now calm and powerful voice ordered as if it was used to giving demands on a daily basis. Though he took no notice, too interested in being freed from this shackled state. She in return looked unaffected, putting the clip and pen down on a nearby table prior to walking to his side.

"Of course. As long as you won't cause trouble, there's no problem with that." she told in a pleasant voice, still acting normal, maddening the man with this skilful act. Though he contained the frustration seething inside and ended up merely observing sternly, staring with hard eyes at her slender hands that slowly released the hold the strap had around his leg. And the feeling of deprived freedom descended as false assumptions nested in his mind.

"Where am I?" he took the time to ask as he saw her obediently doing what he wanted her to. One leg free, only three other places left. Though he would not fall into oblivion and be caught off-guard so easily, still tensed in case of any strange occurrence would befall his peculiar situation.

"This is your new home." new? Home? When this resembled a hospital far too much? Those were not meant to be inhabited. And why wasn't it clear for him to return to his old home?

A thought struck him then, hitting him like harsh waves to deteriorated rocks, causing him to tense up as if lightning had passed through him.

For he could not remember having a home. Or a life, even.

"Who am I?" he asked forcefully, expecting her to listen. Expecting her to know in her false act of kindness. Her smile was calm as she stepped back from the bed, leaving him with only one strap left, one on his left arm, to free himself from, which he immediately started doing. But his eyes watched her like guard dogs would, and his ears eagerly waited for sound to emit from her throat. The construction attached to his own throat he found himself unable to tear off, and she showed no interest in having it removed either, leaving it as a halo that had fallen down, tightened and circled around his neck.

"Everything will be explained in due time." her emerald eyes insured in a way he did not know if it was the truth or not.

"Hn. I said I had no time with games. Tell me." he ordered, alarmed by not even having a nebulous idea of his past. No, not even that. For all was blank, absorbing him into unknowing darkness where he was promised to never be fully gained any of the knowledge he wished to taste.

"Please come with me." she requested, her one hand in her pocket. She appeared tense and he took relief he was not the only one. Which meant there was a mutual sentiment among the two. Could he use it to have advantage? Uneasily he followed, eyes scattering everywhere to take in his environments. It didn't feel safe. Why was this institution so empty?

And furthermore, so old… The exhausted walls declared their misuse, stains and defiled areas were common on them. The floor; far from fresh. Dust inhabited this world freely.

No light. Only the persisting artificial one from the ceiling, Why was he daunted by such a thing, when no bright sensation replayed in his memories? Where else would and could that brightness emit from?

The condition of the inside environment drastically changed when entering a new hallway, separating the two worlds with two doors. It turned sterile, and the wan colour on the floor, walls and ceiling were not tarnished, but intact. Life existed here. She made no comment, no explanation for the changes. And he did not ask for any, following, observing, and playing his cards right to find the best way to leave this place of imprisonment.

Eventually they reached a room. A foreboding sensation started to creep along his spine for illogical reasons. Entering that room would be the end of him, something inside screamed to him. And the woman smiled emotionlessly at him, opening the aforementioned door for him. His disbelieving eyes looked back, a refusing look on his pale face, stubbornly immobile.

"All your questions will be answered in there. Please enter." she explained in a detached manner. He sought answers, and was thus tempted. Led by curiosity and the desire to know, he discarded the petty notions crawling under his skin, for they were not logical and had no proper ground to be founded on, and consequently stepped inside. And inside the room sat two men, one writing and the other currently reading a book, both far too involved to fully bother to take any notion towards the two of them.

"Sirs, he has awaken." the woman informed in a matter of fact tone. The man with the book tensed instantly and turned around, his eyes widening when meeting the newly arrived man's. And then came the look of success on his middle-aged face. Enthusiastically he approached, drinking in his features with an astounded look on his face. The before trapped man, only wearing some sort of light hospital robe, glared in defence, seeing a slight reflection of himself in the man's glasses. He did not recognize that appearance that was alien to his eyes, and he felt himself perplexed over this aberrance of normality in this situation.

The man who before had been doing the activity of writing now turned his head around with a furrowed brow, muttering an "Oh, I see…", his temper even as he stepped forward to examine the newly arrived man. His enthusiasm, if there was any, was well hidden.

"Do you have the…?" the slightly bored man asked the woman as the other adjusted his glasses in a professional manner, his enthusiasm having descended sparsely. She nodded and brought up a black device from her jacket. It looked to be something resembling a remote…

"Enough with these gatherings! Tell me where I am." the stranger demanded to the three people familiar with one another, grabbing their attention noticeably. His height enabled him to look down upon them, wishing to intimidate to find an answer.

The thinner man smiled apologetically, yet a sinister excitement shone in the eyes of the other one, shielded by the glasses. Before words could be told the remote was directed so that it pointed towards the man without memories, and the slightly stoic man pressed a button. And so it was irrevocable, this act of forceful superiority. For the man with no memories had no time to react, no time to raise an eyebrow in question or widen his eyes, pain flowing through his body in an instant. He screamed out in affliction and surprise, unable to camouflage the sudden agony presented to him so unjustifiably, falling to his knees harshly due to lack of vitality. His fingers desperately clawed around the attachment that was still on his throat to get it off, as it sent shocks of electricity throughout his body, his nerves hurting. The two middle-aged men looking on emotionlessly, and one then stopped pressing the button, smirking with closed lips as the crown of authority rested upon his head.

"You never demand anything from now on. This is not your place to do so. Understood?" the man with glasses explained easily, crouching down to the other man that was still on the floor and breathing heavily, as if having run for his life. Blue eyes still glared with intensity up at the other man, recognizing the item of control in his undeserving paws. With it, he could do nothing against them, as he was already too exhausted from only one usage of that creation. "But to answer your question; you're home." the man with glasses granted the wish of knowledge whilst the other man merely observed, quick to take notes, his face stern. The woman stood still and kept quiet, her arms hanging down in front of her as her hands were clasped together whilst her head avoided the scene.

"Why did you take me…from my old one?" he managed to ask in-between pants, his muscles weak due to the before treatment as shock was still paralysing his system. It caused him to support his weight with his hands that were pressed onto the floor, like an animal on their fours. Undignified like them. And blue, demented eyes glared at his attackers, holding his head up proudly despite the circumstances.

"Old home?" the middle-aged man snorted out as if the thought was ludicrous. "There is no such thing. You have always been here." he lied. He must have. For the woman he first met welcomed him to his new home. Why would she tell him such a lie otherwise? They both presented different facts. Neither reliable…

And so he knew never to trust this man of disillusioned dreams.

"You're suffering from memory loss. Perhaps I should introduce you to yourself." he told in a joking manner, enjoying the stage of power. "You are Alpha. And there are to exist no better tool than you." he explained as he stood up once again, dusting off his suit as if it had been dirtied. The man on the floor pondered over the words, completely oblivious as to what the other had in mind or what he could conjure. Then a hand reached down for the blue eyed man to take, the middle-aged man expectantly looking down. "Your life lies in our hands, Alpha. I can be your saviour or your tormentor. You decide."

And so the man apparently named Alpha realized the importance of behaviour. That to gain liberty, it was this man he had to destroy somehow. His enemy by nature. And to outsmart one, one needed to know them, to experience their strength and weaknesses.

Obediently, his hand grasped the other, and was pulled up to the older man who smiled smugly. Alpha did as well, but only on the inside. The deceit would now begin.

**XxxX**

Their silence was usual despite that the two were often seen talking and bickering shamelessly in public areas. Sometimes even physically violent, containing their childish remembrances and continuing it. But when alone they shared a quiet, mutual understanding, soothing them both in tough times where words had no meaning. However, this was not such a time, and for that, the taller of the two looked down at his comrade with troubled eyes.

"Jou, man…" he told with a slightly pained voice, watching his roommate sitting on the floor, going over various articles and other "information" printed out from different Internet websites. The blonde man called Jou continued reading intently, though he made a small affirmative sound, indicating he was listening. The other man sighed and rubbed his neck before sitting down beside him, showing obvious signs of discomfort. The blonde still did not look at him, refusing to take notice and simply kept on going whilst changing to another article instead, keeping a notebook close where clues were listed. They barely covered a page.

"Jou, are you going through the Kaiba articles again?" the brunet inquired even though the answer was apparent, and therefore he already dreaded the conversation they would soon have, as both would surely spit fire at one another.

"I haven't found him. And I promised." he mumbled with slight irritation, wanting to be left alone from the cynicism shining from the newly arrived man.

"Listen, I'm sure Mokuba appreciated that you've tried. But you can't do any more. For God's sake Jou, you don't even have any evidence from the crime scene to base anything on! All you have are these old articles, and half of them aren't even telling the truth!" he bellowed in frustration, causing his companion to be angered as well, vulnerable to attack and insult.

"What the hell do you expect me to do then! I can't become a cop like you! My grades were never good enough, and we both know I ain't got the money for it." Jounouchi barked back in an excuse of his disability to discover a proper clue that would lead to the truth.

"This isn't about that. This is about you needing to let go!" the brunet shouted out, rising up on his feet in the process, anger taking over his easily manipulated temper whenever close to his childhood friend. The blond, taking it as a challenge, lifted himself up from the floor instantly as well, glares being sent back and forth, fists clenched and rage cutting the atmosphere harshly.

"I don't give up on promises I make to my friends! You should know that by now, Honda." he told with venom in his voice, as if accusing the other of ignoring his basic functions.

"You tried your best, but there's nothing you can do! Can you get that inside your stubborn mind!"

"What are you saying? I'm too stupid to find rich-boy!" he spit out, offended by words untold. The brunet's tense shoulders slumped as he sighed, his anger turning into a solemn demeanour as his concerned eyes stared at the floor in quiet contemplation before rising up once more, seeking eye contact as if it was vital for a mutual understanding.

"Jounouchi…you need to move on." he told to the other man who stared at him with an expression hard to decipher before returning to the previously shown anger.

"Why! Nobody thinks I can do this! What happened to have faith in your friends, huh? Believe in me for once, will you!"

"It's been two years!" Honda cried out angrily, silencing the other instantly. Brown eyes looked shamefully down on the floor where scattered pieces of paper lay, evidence of failure shining with the absence of a solution. A bitter smile painted his slightly tanned face as he looked back to the brunet, disappointment in himself radiating.

"I'll just have to try harder, that's all." Jounouchi shrugged off after a few silent seconds with a falsely painted smile.

"Not even the police can solve it. And they have education! No one expects you to be able to figure this out, Jou. Just…just let the dead be at peace."

"I can't." he mumbled back.

"Why not?"

"Because Kaiba's not dead. And I promised." he insisted, aggravating his comrade.

"How do you know he isn't! He could be dumped and buried in China for all we know!"

"Don't tell me that, because I know you believe it too! You know he'd be alive! It'd make no sense to just kill him off!"

"…It doesn't matter what I think, I -"

"Join the investigation." Jounouchi blurted out suddenly, causing his friend to widen his eyes.

"What!"

"Join the investigation! You said you couldn't back then, because it was highly prioritised and you were just a rookie, but now! Now you can, because it's been put on ice! You said so yourself!" Jounouchi urged with hope in his voice blended with vexation due to the reluctance of the other.

"I… I don't know if I'm allowed to just change cases like that. It's the chief who decides which gets which! I don't have that kind of power!"

"Do it on overtime then! Anything!" Jounouchi persisted, smiling hopefully. Truly. "We'll do it together, Honda. You and me." he told, causing the other to look at him in disbelief. "Friends forever, and we'll do everything together. Right?" he asked, the hope still not killed, and the confusion on his friend's face still apparent. And so he grew grave once more.

"This is the last time. If I still can't fulfil my promise, I give up." Jounouchi spoke out, a reluctant deal forming.

"For real?" Honda asked with an astonished look, his eyes widened. The blond nodded and thus confirmed the authentic nature in his words.

"Then I'll get the case." Honda promised, putting his hand on his best friend's shoulder reassuringly.

"No matter what it takes."

**XxxX**

Blue eyes scanned the pages of words carefully, examining and taking in everything with great skill, his blank memory slowly and steadily drinking in and being filled out with these so called "useful facts", as he had been told they were. Still a prisoner to this unknown place of defeat, he played the obedient puppet for as long as necessary.

Many people had he come to see, but only two had names. One of them was the man with glasses, who was called Takashi, and the was Dr Wakai. Both seemed superior to the others, who merely followed their instructions. And only the superior ones acknowledged one another with names.

He had been given a name. Alpha… Yet he was not fully superior. And he was not fully a subordinate, even if they were all used But none of them were used to the same extent as he. Yet he saw beneficial grounds for himself to participate in them. To "rehabilitate" him, that was their purpose, their mission with these lessons. And for that, it was his mission as well. As he had forgotten life, they aimed to learn him of it once more. For there existed a world outside these sealed walls, there was no mistake about it. Through pictures he had seen it. Photographs was what they called it, and they showed that world to him. That was simultaneously the world he needed to take refugee inside. And this was the world, the place, he would teach himself how to blend in.

He was no fool. He understood he was not fit to partake in that other world just yet. He had no place, no solace and nothing to sponsor him. And there were still plenty to learn. Until he was ready, he would stay and use this facility's rehabilitation program.

Only the strong survive, they repeated often to him. One must be superior in both mind and in physical strength to be that. One must follow the strong ones command, or else the strong ones would not find value in you, and you would be discarded. Alpha found no meaning in being discarded, and thus aimed for higher grounds.

The lessons they gave him varied greatly. There were those who aimed for a better physique, in which he trained with various equipment to grow stronger and keeping in shape. That was said to be vital. He studied often also, under supervision of course. Books, books and books. Their information was credited as fact, and he had no other knowledge to say against. For now, he consented in its absolute ways.

Medical books had been given to him, showing him a person's weakness. Where it was better suited to kill, to immobilize and to cause them to fall unconscious. Precision was the ingredient needed, otherwise it would fail. If he had no precision, he was not needed.

Politics was an important subject as well. The authority needed to be perfectly obeyed, or there would be no peace. Peace should be strived for. If those who were not the authority disobeyed, the ones in charged had the right to eliminate them. For peace. Yet they said human lives had no meaning. He kept this contradiction to himself, as he did with all his taboo thoughts. Asking "irrelevant" questions was almost correspondent to ask for punishment. The collar on his neck was still there, never taken off, and he wondered if it ever would. For now, he was as defenceless as an infant. That simplistic yet utterly horrid truth angered him for reasons he deemed obvious.

He did not believe in kindness. The people here didn't seem to as well. The only reason they were teaching him all of this was to use him. It'd take a fool not to understand that. And Alpha had no desire to be used. It felt lowly. He sought independence in this dependent life. Pondering over it and ruefully examine this pathetic existence did no good for his character. Thus he aimed for strength. With it, he would be unbeatable.

There was a peculiar carving on one of his forearms he had noticed long ago. It spelled out as a word. A scar was the remaining of it, and based on location, it seemed probable it could be self-inflicted. Of course, it could be the work of another. As he had no recollections, he could not investigate his mind for the answer. Faintly, with the pale scar tissue of his cicatrix he could elucidate the word.

Mokuba.

And he failed to understand why such an alien word held the grave importance that it needed to be carved into his flesh. When he had done the mistake of asking, he had been punished, electricity flowing through his body and paralysing him, inflicting memorable pain. Assuring him that it was wrong of him to want to know. Naturally, he never asked again, and pondered over it when left in his room to do nothing but wait. He would not let them control his thoughts, and defiantly devoted his solitude to try to remember or come up with a suitable conclusion.

"Mokuba" he had quietly mouthed out to himself sometimes in hope that no one would hear whilst he found that it sounded strangely acquainted to his inexperienced tongue. It rolled out with ease. Did this mean anything? Why was the desire to know so great? And why was he not to know of the meaning, when it was carved on him? If they didn't want it on him, did he do this? Why? Why was Mokuba important?

A door opened to this study room, awakening him from his reminiscence, yet his attention was glued on the words in book with no intention of changing unless explicitly told to.

"Alpha, it's time for you other lesson. Please follow." some unnamed man informed solemnly before walking away, leaving him to react quickly. That he did, used to this procedure and thus calmly followed.

It was time for another lesson. These study sessions were theoretical. It all needed to be placed upon a practical level. If one would not use the theoretical knowledge practically, what would be the use of them then?

All the halls now looked clean and fresh and sterile, unlike when he had first been introduced to this home of his. The time flow he was not aware of, and could not care much for either. How old he was, he had no clue. Was age important in this life where time mattered not?

They stopped before a door that conveniently shielded the fate of what would come to happen. He knew this life. It was survival of the fittest.

"Here." the nameless man spoke out, giving him a knife. The weapon of today. Other members of this institution stood in the hall with them, all ready if he would ever consider the action of attacking them right then and there. Of course they were all armed with remotes to his shackle. A defenceless infant once more. "Your mission is to cause instant death, and as always, not leaving evidence behind." he instructed and Alpha took it in, a curt nod signalling he listened. "Very well, then. Proceed." and that he did.

Stepping inside to the familiar dim-lit room where many events like this one had taken place, he was amazed it harboured no smell of blood. Raspy breathing was heard from a corner of the room and stole his attention. Now focused on it, Alpha's eyes saw a terrified man huddling there. In response, the other man focused his eyes on his knife which he held in his lifeless hand. Understanding his fate, the man pressed himself closer to the wall, if even possible. Wanting to merge with it and find an escape. It was useless and cowardice.

"Please, don't do this! I-I haven't done anything. I -" he began desperately, absolute terror vibrating in his eyes, tears forming. This act was a usual thing many of the people brought into this room accomplished with doing. But why was he crying? Why did so many of them do so? Was it human? Why didn't he, in that case? Or where they inhuman, and therefore needed to be executed? What was the truth in a world of corruption?

"Alpha," a voice interrupted, emitting from a speaker inside the room, grabbing both of their attention simultaneously. "you may do your task now." Takashi instructed, for he knew it was him. Unmistakably the same voice. And they watched. He knew they did. The mirror inside the room must be see through on the other side. They monitored him. Always, all the time. Though he was used to this restricted life.

"I have every intention of killing you." Alpha said with his head turned to the stranger, as he usually did, looking with his dead blue eyes at the man now choked on his sobs, wailing out words that were incoherent. "But you should also have that intention. There is a knife by you. Use it." he told, waiting for the other pick it up. To prove himself a challenge. To be the example of someone who died when at least trying instead of giving up before blood was spilled.

"I'll do anything, please let me go!" he cried out, tears running freely.

"Pick up the knife."

"I'm sorry for whatever I did! I'm sorry! Please!" he continued.

"The knife." he reminded. But the other man never changed his pace in pleading, continuing on and on. He was used to this. With heavy steps did he move forward to the man, getting a closer look at him. Aged. This person seem to have been far older than he. He did not recognize him. He never recognized anyone in this room. Did that mean they were disobedient citizens, as opposed to those who were regularly in this building?

When alarmingly close, in a last attempt of survival, did the man take the knife in his hand, weakly waving it in front of him, trying to instil fear into his numb mind. It failed, and so Alpha's skilled hands moved quickly, grabbing a hold of the shaking, armed hand and broke it. Disabling it for usage. A loud cry emitted, cutting him deep inside in the room that spoke of eternal sleep.

Human lives did not matter. It did not. Survival of the fittest.

Forcing the broken hand behind the man's back, he easily overpowered him and made him fall to the floor on his knees. The crying continued, grief apparent. When he would be faced with death, would he feel such remorse? Was there something to miss in this life so terribly that one cried?

"Please…don't do this…! I -" he heard the words come out from all the saliva, tears and snot running from the face of the ungraceful man. His face remain unmoved as he placed the tip of the knife against his temple, taking aim. Concentrating on the perfect place.

Why did human lives not matter? Who decided such a thing? Who gave and who took away value?

Forcefully he pressed the blade inside, a hard thing to do considering the skull of the head that needed to be punctuated. Yet he succeeded, and the body in his grasp went limp after tensing. With no use of holding onto him anymore, he to let go of the corpse and observed coldly as it fell to the floor, a dark red liquid slowly seeping out from the fatal wound, assaulting the pale floor.

"Well done, Alpha." he heard him verbally applauding from the speaker as the door for freedom opened. The knife was held securely in his hand. No evidence were to be there. And the man had never scratched him or collected any other form of DNA. Thus it was a success.

Yet he did not feel rejoice or pride. Survival of the fittest, they often said. But how could that be, when they could co-exist? The man, and many others, had no intention of hurting him.

But disobeying orders would lead to being discarded. Being discarded was implied being erased. Killed. Death. That was not necessary simply because he held objections to killing such weaklings that had no power to defend themselves.

He had no reason to live. But he had no reason to die either. And so his breathing continued evenly.

**XxxX**

Weeks had passed, feeling long and dreadful as if torture awaited each and every day to make his existence as much of a punishment as it could be. It felt as a duty to awake in the morning and travel to work, the same monotonous routines each and every tedious day in combination with the anxiety of waiting for Honda to find a clue, any clue, to get this other responsibility that rested soundly on his shoulders off of him. To be liberated.

He had unknowingly taken his freedom for granted when he was younger. Adulthood seemed overrated in his exhausted eyes, where the only light in this life were his friends. If it weren't for them, he would have fallen a long time ago. As much of a sentimental notion as it was, it was still true; for he harboured nothing but pure affection, respect and fondness to each of them. Honda, Yuugi, Anzu… Being with them made him forget, made him able to be altered into the person he wished his tainted persona could be. He knew he could never be the hero, or someone who always did the right thing. With them however, he tried. Because they inspired that yearning to be someone respectable in a time when he in his younger years thought respect came from violence.

Such a pitiful mind he had had back then…

Suddenly startled by a vibrating feeling escaping from his pants in this crowded bus home from work, he took it up with ease and greeted the caller in a friendly manner, relieved to be stolen from this still boredom.

"Jou,-" the steady voice began instead of greeting, taking the receiver aback. "I think I've found something." were the ever important words that the piece of electronic allowed to be heard to his now stupefied mind, his brown eyes widening and his hand clenching just a little bit tighter around the cell phone, as if it would make its escape any moment to simply infuriate and leave him to wonder even more. His heart stopped its beatings and with thoughts racing chaotically, the world went by too slowly.

It was so, that during all these endless days after Honda had agreed upon obtaining a seat in the case of the Kaiba affair, little clues had been originally left for him to work on. No DNA had been left it seemed, and for some reason there were no taken footprints of the adversaries that were reported to have been there. Signs of other people had been written down in reports, but no physical evidence proved this fact. It was not a conducive case that offered assistance in the name of justice. Hence it was no wonder the staff of this case had been so remarkably reduced through the years in lack of work. Honda had been let in merely for the merit of not charging any salary.

Yet now Honda had found something. Or rather, it had found him. A letter, printed out from a computer, had been sent to their group. Peculiar content wise, but proven to contain more than thought of. It was merely a matter of one's thought process.

"He rests on this earth still. On a spring hill he grows." it had simply said, and managed to easily bewilder everyone who read it, causing them to brush it off as some childish mail sent by someone who wanted them to work for nothing. Soon enough, the letter had been confiscated by the chief, disabling him to look for fingerprints or DNA. Regardless, the brunet had not ostracized this letter that was sent without stamp marks nor other given clues of where it originated from, a feeling in his gut advising him not to let go.

"So what the hell does that mean!" the impatient voice of Jounouchi cried out, excitement clear in his eyes and frustration in his tone after having heard of this letter and its statement.

"That's what I wondered! I mean, why be so cryptic anyway?" the brunet on the other side of the phone inquired, displeasing his friend in taking time.

"Get to the point, Honda! I'm dying over here!"

"Geez, calm down. We're not under time limit here. I mean, I'm the caller." he remarked tauntingly in a joking manner, causing his blonde friend to mutter incoherent words under his breath that conveniently seemed to contain the words "shove" "money" and "throat". "Anyhow, I didn't really get what it meant, it's not as if I'm psychic or anything, and no one of the guys took it seriously. So I went to my trusty computer and typed in the words and reduced them gradually as I never got any hits on my searches."

"And!" Jounouchi asked impatiently, attracting quite a few glares for his boisterous exclamations. He blatantly ignored them with skilled ease as he concentrated on the smug smirk he could practically hear his comrade make through the phone.

"And, -" Honda told knowingly. "there's an area in Domino called Izumioka. Which translated means, Spring hill."

**XxxX**

This was not according to procedure. This activity had never been introduced to him before. He was usually never led into these halls' direction, but the opposite way instead. Yet with Takashi leading the way, he could not object, resulting in suspicious eyes and tense muscles, his only protection left. For he did not trust this man even an ounce. And for him to break out of habit like this was dreadful, as he did not like when he had no idea of what would come. He liked to know, he liked to have some sort of power. This stripped him of the little he had.

Footsteps suddenly came to a halt, and he mimicked, ending his movements as well, looking at the middle-aged man that wore one of his many suits that stood out amongst the white coats the other people wore, and smiling with his yellow teeth showing.

"Today Alpha, I will show you the world." he proclaimed proudly whilst being enthralled by the other's reaction. Alpha, stunned, remained immobile even so, having no desire to grant him that wish of stupor.

Pondering over the situation, he was grateful. He had never seen the world before. For a future escape, this was perfect to know where to go and how it looked. Hiding his smirk, he placed the look of indifference upon his face, eyes shielding the smug feeling of his mind.

Accordingly to the words being said, Takashi stepped closer to the wall, approaching something that seemed to be located in the middle of it. Like those mirrors he was used to see. It was covered up though. All the walls that had these attributes were covered up somehow. This one was no different.

Pulling a small white strip, or something alike, the curtain shielding the glass was pulled up.

And in came light, shining brightly and magnificently upon his pale face. Naturally he squinted his eyes that by far were not used to this treatment. Takashi regarded Alpha's first reaction with interest and waited patiently until Alpha had fully approached the attachment to the wall, or more commonly called; window, and stared out at the world before voicing out his thoughts once more.

"Majestic, isn't it?" he asked rhetorically, standing beside the other man calmly as he still had the remote. The power of his life. Alpha gazed in astonishment with closed lips and slightly widened eyes, taking in the details and curves, and the colours and the atmosphere. "This, Alpha, is where people live. This is a building, and inside them, people live. That you know. See how many buildings there are out there, Alpha. Hundreds. Thousands. And counting in entire Japan; millions!" he informed to the silent man who was left observing, fascinated by the sky and it's white attributes.

"This world will be ours, Alpha. The people; ours as well." he continued. "The superior ones shall rule, and the others will obey. And you want to be one of the superior ones, don't you?" he asked, though was given no answer, ignored since the life displayed before his eyes intrigued him more than the words.

But with all this, despite its size, how could he escape? He knew of how the systems the people used worked. He knew how to trace people, and knew these people could as well. He knew of common interest the public have. Money… he had no such thing. How could he ever belong in such a world?

Perhaps he was not meant for that world… Yet he would persist on escaping, because this prison restricted him far too much. Freedom was what he wished to taste.

"We've rehabilitated you perfectly so far, Alpha. Soon your part in our plan will grow. If you do it flawlessly, this world will belong to you too. Do you want this world, Alpha?" he inquired, his hard tone showing he wanted an answer to be satisfied.

The answer was no. But that was by far the incorrect reply.

"Yes." he told obediently, lying for convenience and to be left alone. The older man smiled brilliantly.

"Good."

But what good was a world that he did not know how to belong in?

**XxxX**

His heart pumped like never before as he stared in awe at the building before him while the wind took liberty to tangle his hair slightly in the autumn weather, the colour of leaves changing to red and yellow, parading proudly in the trees and on the ground to show that times were changing.

It had been nearly two weeks after Honda had discovered what the clue meant. After various arguments with his chief, his theory was still discarded and he was thus not allowed any warrant or other freedom to go and investigate on those easily erroneous grounds.

And so Jounouchi stood there, alone, after many relentless days of personal and secret investigation of where it was most presumable Kaiba could be in the area of Spring Hill.

The Spring Hill Medical Centre…

With a smirk of victory he approached, impatient to fulfil his promise made long ago.

It was a time of change, indeed.

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**To Be Continued**

Words: 6720  
Considering my long update, see the extra words as a bonus :P

Ooh! Cliffie! So, finally, things are coming to an exciting point (hopefully). Though I personally think it's been pretty interesting for me to write up to this point anyway, despite the lack of interaction between Jou and Kaiba. I've never written about things like this before, so I can only hope I do good.

Anyone who thinks something was bad/off/weird about this chapter can please state so. Constructive criticism is as always appreciated! Otherwise; are you starting to understand what's going on with Kaiba? Many were confused. And for the record; No, there will not be any male pregnancy. Don't worry . (Good catching that line though, mandapandabug. Though you made the wrong assumption .)  
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Wohoo! Show me the love! **Review**! -is far too hyper-


	4. A forced attachment

**Warning:** Violence, bad words, long chapter, a Deus ex machina plot-mentality, mentions of blood, etc

**Note:** This chapter from the start was a mess. Not kidding. I lost count of how many times I've read through it all and altered, deleted, added and such. It's still not perfect (but I can't write perfect), but I'm damned proud anyway. Because it was like garbage from the beginning.

**Recap:** Kaiba / Alpha wears a collar that the "evil people" use whenever he's a bad dog. Jounouchi showed signs of obsessive-compulsive in not wanting to let go of the Kaiba-case. Only to end up dragging his rightfully concerned friend Honda into the mix as well. Meanwhile, Kaiba angsted and killed people. Because he was told to. And then Jounouchi ends up standing in front of a medical centre. Fascinating...

* * *

**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 4

by Growing Pain

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He stood still with opaque intentions painted in his bothered eyes. All accompanied with the feeling of being a traitor. That notion flowed through his blood with undisturbed ease and poisoned his easily manipulated mind. 

He would incense Honda immensely if he were to ever find out. Which he most likely would, for if Kaiba would truly be inside that facility that started to appear more and more like a hellish and despicable building for each second his eyes were transfixed with it, then he'd bring that insolent, narcissistic, conceited, know-it-all, infuriatingly absent rich-boy back to where he belonged. Even if he would have to extract physical violence to do such a noble act. Which he surely would not mind, as he now carried years of frustration inside after repeated failures of trying to locate this missing man that suggested with his removed persona that he had no interest in being found. Which would be typical of him, that rich bastard. All while laughing in secrecy at Jounouchi's always fruitless tries at fulfilling a bleak promise.

Yet Jounouchi did not care what the other man would have wanted, because he himself wanted otherwise. Thus he gazed coldly with rancour at the building whilst wearing a disapproving scowl, fists clenching in a silent rage. A large portion of the older part of the hospital seemed to be closed down. Each of those windows were covered with metal shielding them. Protecting the people inside from looking out. Or perhaps the opposite… He saw that there was no point in trying to break in through them.

Under these suspicious circumstances this medical centre was under it sparked only negative surmises. Could it be there? Was Kaiba hiding there? Though if he would have been in Domino all this time, right under his nose, breathing the same air so shamelessly, he would not know whether to laugh or cry about that fact. Feigning the attitude of someone who knew it all along would probably do the trick better, he absentmindedly agreed with himself on.

Dialling the familiar number he knew by heart, he sought redemption as well as vindication in its simple forms.

"Honda here." the receiver greeted. His voice was preoccupied yet did not carry that rude undertone most busy people harboured whenever disturbed from their meetings with stress.

"Hi, it's me. What's up?" he fabricated normality. Adjusting it to his pose as well whilst leaning to a nearby tree, eyes forever on the stone cold building he grew to hate.

"Working. Like I should be. So spill it, what is it?" Honda asked with that knowing smirk, his expertise in his friend greater than Jounouchi would have preferred at occasions like these. He had no option but to give in and cut to the chase.

"Just wondering if your boss is giving you the clear signal or not to do an investigation." he shrugged off, needing the negative response he already knew would come to justify his ways that would assuredly go by unappreciated. Even if it was a time in life where the means justified the ends.

"No…" the solemn voice told the words already known. "But don't worry. I'll just ask him some more. He'll budge eventually." he assured in a need to bring hope. But the blonde felt like snorting that illusion away. It had been wrong to bring his friend into this. He had known this all along.

And so it would end here before Honda became too swamped in his mess, only to drown in his marsh of responsibilities.

"I…" the blonde began uncertainly, fingers gingerly pulling the end of his shirt in anticipation. "I've been doing my own investigation, sort of, you could say, I guess." he stumbled on his words guiltily. The sharp silence settled to be his answer, forcing him to continue as his ears hurt to hear that foreboding sound of nothingness. "And I think I know where Kaiba is." he told. It was almost said with shame as his head bent down, feeling Honda's judging eyes in front of him. A reflection in the uncaring wind.

"Jou, what are you -" his friend began in that parental voice that always managed to resurface throughout the years whenever the blond man would, or had, gotten into trouble. For obvious reasons, it was belittling to listen to. Yet, in a way, it was a reassurance of care. He would never admit in interpreting it that way, however.

"What I should've done a long time ago, Honda." Jounouchi declared, causing Honda to erupt, disliking the reply. For he knew what it meant.

"Are you stupid?" he nearly bellowed. "It could be dangerous! Have you even thought about that!"

"I don't care!" Jounouchi snapped back quickly before an almost playful tone took over. "I've handled some pretty dangerous people on my own before, you know. And I still got it in me." he easily explained half-heartedly. All while wearing that overused fake smile on his lips. But Honda was no fool, and never would be.

"Are you crazy! Jou, just calm down, and tell me where you are, and I'll -"

"No," Jounouchi interrupted acridly. "don't you see? This is something I've got to do on my own!"

"Even if it kills you? Mokuba was killed, so these guys are not just people you can shrug off!"

"I won't die for nothing, Honda. You know that." yet he did not assure he would not die. That feeble oath that would still the harsh beatings of his friend's heart. If even by the smallest bit. Because even the smallest piece contained significance. Yet he did not offer such a generously false thing.

"…Promise me you won't go." Honda urged solemnly. But there was only silence speaking to his ear, no comfort around, rising his temper. "Promise me!" the brunet bellowed out. Clearly angry at the lack of control. A weak sigh was heard as the blond began to speak in a tone so unnaturally calm.

"Honda…" Jounouchi began in the voice of an adult telling a child something obvious. "You know I don't make promises anymore." he admitted of the truth long known accompanied with a cynical smile on his face. And then there was only silence. Honda was too caught up in his own mind to respond. But as he regained, he did so with strength and persistence.

"Don't do this! That note might've been a trap for all we know! It might not even be true! Just tell me where you are, and we'll do it together!" Honda urged, but got no consent. "God knows I'll kick your ass if I ever see you again otherwise!" he threatened in vain, causing the blond to chuckle slightly at the familiarity. But this situation was not meant to be amusing. And so he sighed, burdened by the truth.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try." he admitted jokingly for old time's sake, his fingers gripping the electronic pressed against his ear just a little tighter before it was time. "Goodbye." he told with unwanted finality, ending the call with a simple click and turning the cell phone off. For Honda would call relentlessly otherwise. Which he had no interest in knowing of. Because he had no time to waste, no clue to lose and no exit to miss. The sooner the better.

And so his choice was made, his future set and the leaves of autumn dancing around his feet in a quiet celebration as he determinedly walked up to the entrance door he had been observing for the past half hour. For he held no doubt, feeling no hesitation vibrating in his eyes, sure of this decision.

Yet fear crept inside his skull, meddling with his mind. But this was not the opportunity of a cowardice man to live, but of a courageous one. Despite being unarmed, unprotected and without a proper plan, he calmly reached the door. But there was no security in being a brave man. No protection that would fully instil harmony within his bothered soul. It was a double-edged sword to make the choice of a brave man. He knew this. Yet Jounouchi was a gambler. One willing to risk it all. Because he believed in this. And that made it worthwhile, as much of an immature thought process as it was.

With his breath unknowingly stuck in his throat, he entered the facility. The image of spotless white and beige took over his eyes whilst his nostrils were attacked by smell of the familiar scent that only hospitals could produce. Sterile. Unwelcomingly.

There was a desk with a secretary, or maybe a nurse, behind it, currently talking to an old man. Obviously a patient. Or perhaps a future one. But he had no time to just play around. He had to find Kaiba, beat him up good, beat anyone else up that dared to interfere, and then bring the asshole back.

…If life could only be so simplistic.

But the excitement bubbled fiercely inside of him despite his odds. His fingertips twitched as they wished to rejoice with the familiar act of clenching his fists and then pump them up at the sky whilst a cry of victory would be heard. For he had a feeling. Those that grace people with their presence ever so rarely in life, making each time special. And whenever he felt this precious feeling, he was usually right. Usually.

But he needed access to look around without experiencing intrusion in his important task. Acting would surely be his key to success.

…Yet Jounouchi was never good with being someone he was not. And so the uneasy feeling filled within mirrored into the uncertainty of his steps. His eyes threw themselves over the room for a brief analysis. There existed only a few doors. But except for the one leading to the hallway of where the examination rooms and the likes existed, and one going to toilets, he found none of the other that seemed out of the ordinary. All was inconspicuous. Which in itself aroused suspicion.

"May I help you?" the supposed secretary asked with professionalism. Nothing bordering into human concern within her voice. Merely annoyance existed because he had so far had refused to walk up to her like any proper visitor would. The old man that had been with her prior had now gone away to see his doctor, leaving them alone. And inevitably, leaving all focus on him. Just his luck.

"Um…I… I -" the blond man began dubiously before lightning struck inside his mind. It brought light to an unseen thought. "I'm here to make an appointment…but…um, you see… Doctors creep me out…" he said in the best credible manner he could muster. Which still had remnants of the spurious feeling living inside them. He still managed to offer a weak grin and a hollow chuckle to accompany the untrue words. A small comforting smile grew on the woman's lips as a relaxed sigh escaped her throat with ease.

"Don't worry. At Spring Hill Medical Centre we treat each of our patients with care, and we always think of their needs firsthand. Our doctors are all experienced as well." she pointed out, suddenly turning almost motherly. He nodded in acknowledgement, desperate for the attention to stop shining on him.

"Yeah, but… It's going to, you know, take some time for me to even get ready to make an appointment here. So, I'm just going to sit here and muster up some courage…yeah. It's all right, right?" he asked, slightly nervous in his ways. Luckily, as it usually was with him, it worked for his benefit as it fit his mediocre disguise.

"Of course. Take all the time you need." she commiserated with him. As if having experienced this break of a pattern before. With more security within Jounouchi seated himself in the waiting area of the room, taking a magazine from a rack which he tried to pretend to read whilst trying to figure out how to infiltrate the building and getting past the secretary. No security appeared to exist at least. That's a plus.

However, time dragged by gruellingly slow as something more than an hour had passed him by. All while the secretary continuously asked him if he wished to book an appointment any time soon. Naturally, he refused in order to stay put.

And there were no truer words at the moment than 'Good things take time', whispering into his ear. His own way of trying to endure this still paranoia. For she did not move from her post. Patients came and went, and he failed to find a way to get to any door unnoticed. Since he had caught a special interest in the closed-down part of the building, he wished to explore that area first.

But where to go? It was impossible to merely go inside the hallway without an appointment. She would not let him. …Should he book an appointment? What if it took weeks before he would get here again due to that? He did not have time! It had already gone too long already. Every minute, every second and every breath was wasted by sitting and doing nothing.

A honk of a car suddenly disturbed the tense silence he experienced, causing him to jump in his seat. Brown eyes turned to instantly stare out the glass door with an almost terrified look. Fortunately, it was not Honda who had found him and ready to beat him bloody, as he had first come to suspect. Instead, outside the facility was a car parked, with a man he did not know inside the vehicle. Unsure of what the purpose was, his eyes stayed on him longer, still not recognizing him. Why would one honk anyway?

Suddenly the secretary, as it was what he assumed her to be, began to move. He watched this with outmost interest.

"I'm really sorry, but I really have to and take care of something right now. Do you mind if I leave?" she asked, her eyes hopeful. Though her eyes frequently left his gaze in exchange to look out at the man waiting in the car. "I won't be long, I promise." she assured, her voice mature and collected, yet the glint in her eye spoke of impatience and excitement. He understood.

"Ah…take your time, take your time." he assured, grinning. For this would be his chance.

"Thank you! And I swear I never do this otherwise. It's just…we got engaged last night." she dared to reveal.

"Congratulations!" he told with a forced smile, wishing her to leave. "Well, quit staying here. What are you waiting for?" he told in a fake friendly manner. And no other word needed to be said, for she exited the room in a haste. And the door opened only to be closed once more.

And so he was alone.

Tossing the magazine away he stood up readily, scurrying over the pale, clean floor to a door that was labelled "Staff only". Intuition guided him, daring him to take the less logical way instead of starting his quest inside the actual hospital.

Anticipation pumped proudly in his heart as his unsure hand grabbed a hold of the handle, slowly turning it down to open whilst praying to any higher power that there would be no one on the other side.

If that wish would be granted he would not find out. For as he tried to push the door open, and then pull, it remained still. Locked. And he would have growled if he deemed it safe enough to do so. Pausing for a second to calm himself, he hastily looked out the entrance door to see if the secretary would be returning anytime soon. Seeing her occupied with her arms around the man and vice versa, he instantly hurried to another door. Which proved to be a janitor's closet…

And he ran around the lobby, desperate to find something special behind the doors. Yet he remained unsuccessful in accomplishing such a thing, leaving solely the "Staff only" and the hallway to one of the first corridors of this hospital as his last options. It did not exist that many doors to begin with. Thus he began walking towards the latter mentioned, hoping to find his answers there instead. Perhaps the rundown part of the hospital was still connected by the remaining one in some way. Even if the rundown was at the left side and the active on the right, as the hospital seemed formed like the letter 'V', with the base being the lobby.

But there was a click, causing him to freeze instantaneously. His guilt showed in his actions in such a sickly obvious way he wanted to scold himself. Frozen in his tracks, he did not hear the other person move either. With a smothered gulp he turned his head slowly to where the ominous sound emitted from. The sound that proved he was not alone anymore and that he might have been discovered.

And so brown eyes ended up resting on a woman he had not seen before. And that was certainly not a calming discovery.

One of her slender hands held the handle of the before locked door as she obviously had stopped her walk out of the room. And seeing him, she stared with narrowed eyebrows. Her emerald eyes appeared to be in deep thought upon seeing this scenario of him, standing there and attempting to go inside the hospital with no secretary close by. Wearing a white coat he assumed her to be a doctor or something of the likes, causing him more stress.

Time stood still as she silently appeared to evaluate him, the situation, or both. And he failed to think of something to say. Something to liberate him from this frozen position. All because her presence choked him. Could she be one of those people? Those who killed Mokuba? Based on her appearance he could not give an opinion. Her eyes were impersonal yet her face soft, and her black hair was in a loose ponytail, causing her to look like any normal person.

Could any normal person have done such a horrible thing?

A decision was made, he could see it. Her eyes changed, looking at the floor for a few long seconds before retreating to his gaze once more. Then she released the hold of the door handle, arms hanging lifelessly beside her body. Eye contact still in place as if crucial. Her body then moved, walking back from where she came from, causing the blond to fix his puzzled eyes at where she had stood before. The only evidence of her having been there was the opened, unlocked door.

Such a magnetic door it was.

He contemplated silently for a few daring moments. He clearly understood the value of this moment. Fists clenched as he forced his legs to collaborate before the old adventurous feeling returned to his body with a cocky, lopsided smile on his lips. He felt comforted by the intimate feeling of destined adventures he had experienced so often before.

She wanted him to go after her. No matter if it was a trap or not, it would surely be one step closer to where Kaiba was. He could not risk not taking this chance.

Because he was the bee, carrying a firm objective in his mind which he searched so fervently for, ready to sting anyone that had enough folly to interfere. And she in all her silent cry carried the promise of honey. The flower of which's scent would lead him. It was ludicrous not to follow.

And so he did, blindly darting after her. Only to find a corridor lacking people instead of the presumed staff room. This sufficed as enough proof that something shady was taking place here. Therefore he had not made a mistake by coming here. All was justified.

He walked further in hopes of finding something important. But instead he grew confused of where he started from. It was a maze to his mind that had never been in this place before. An empty maze, with the sight of that woman lost. Of life, as well. The windows were all covered up. Just the way he had seen the closed down part look like. So at least this must be the right location. And really, why would one keep a closed down part this clean? And heated as well…

But where was she? And why didn't anyone look for him? Had she not alerted anyone? Or was he blindly walking into a trap, just like Honda said he would? These paranoid thoughts were necessary for staying alive, keeping him on the alert, never to be eradicated as long as danger still breathed down his neck.

But he was not invincible nor invisible. And when calm, discussing voices of a group of men suddenly became apparent to his ears from a not so distant area steadily walking closer, he panicked, realizing he had to hide. Fighting would be easy. But what if someone found the unconscious bodies he would, hopefully, leave behind?

Taking a bold chance, he opened the door closest to him. The only one in this rather short corridor. He pleaded the room would be empty of both people and cameras as he darted in. The door was shut as quietly as he could, and his hands never dared to leave the handle. In case the men's aim was to get inside. He could not have that. Luckily, as he heard the footsteps menacingly pass by in oblivion, he let out a breath he forgot he held, returning to breathe normally. He then brought up his hand to his chest, feeling the life of his heart.

"Good God Kaiba, the things I do for your ungrateful self." he muttered before a small smile grew on his lips and a suppressed chuckle escaped them. Ecstatic over having made it this far. With dispassionate moves he gently ended up resting his back against the wall, slowing sinking down to the ground. He wanted to collect himself for a few moment. Gather a sort of plan. Perhaps even a weapon.

And that was when he began noticing the room. It was somewhat small and dark with no lights turned on. Yet he was able to see anyway. In front of him he could see another door, making it two entrances to the room in which he was hiding in, causing him legitimate unease.

There was also a desk. A large one that seemed to be metallic, or something of the sorts. Cold. A large stainless window was on the left side of the room. Right where the desk was, perfectly in place. There came light from the window, and it seemed it showed the view of some other room. A lit one. Curiosity controlled him like it always did and caused him to rise up on his feet before walking over with a furrowed brow.

Then he saw the fateful sight he could not deny, even if a small portion of him wished to. For even if convenience was his ally today, this was inhumane. Because on the other side of the mirror was an equally small room with a bed. And on it sat the man he was prepared to travel the world for in order to find. His blue eyes nothing but empty as he sat obediently quiet on the only furniture given to him. Wearing that disturbingly white colour on his shirt and pants. And despite that their eyes met, the man did not seem to notice nor care he was being stared at.

Jounouchi's throat lost its voice then. His eyes were unable to blink while his jaw almost hanged proudly as he stood immobile. He gazed at the brunet on the other side as if he had seen a ghost. But it did not take long before he noticed a door that was in the other man's room. Currently closed. It lacked a handle from his side. But to get in, there must be a way. So he wasted no time in hopes of finding it. He instantly tore himself from the glass and darted to the other door of this dark room, hoping it would lead to a corridor as well. A corridor in which the entrance to the imprisoned man's room would rest.

Kaiba merely sat still. Staring at his reflection that the glass caused with no life in his actions. Yet he could not help but be absorbed by his thoughts of freedom.

But how would he know if he was ready for the true world? Had he experienced enough training?

The door opened then. Forcing him out of his pondering and managing to slightly surprise him. It had not been that long since he had participated in a lesson. And dinner would surely not come this early. So his blue eyes continued to stare at his mirror image in rude ignorance, jaded by everything else it seemed.

"…Kaiba?" the uncertain and wavering voice asked from the freshly opened entrance. The deviant demeanour in comparison to all the other people that usually came into his room caused him to turn his head instantly. He was far from used to this act of behaviour. And this voice was not one he remembered. And that word he heard did not exist in his life. Perhaps, this was an enemy.

But nothing was ever certain.

Blue vicious eyes turned around while raising himself from the bed. Alpha looked down at the other with careful disdain. Not noticing any weapons he slowly approached and took in this man that failed to be frightened and did not even expose any wish to fight. But his senses were not calmed that easily, continuing to coldly observe this stranger.

"Kaiba…it's…it's really you…" the man murmured in a low, relieved voice that carried such intensity Alpha was taken aback by it. The stranger's lips twitched slightly upwards and his brown eyes fixated with his form in awe. All while the stranger's unmoistened hand slowly reached for his form. To touch. To see if it was real.

Simultaneously Alpha retracted, glaring in defence to protect himself while his muscles remained tense. This blonde newcomer took no offence. Though his brown eyes changed in a way he did not fully recognize. It resembled pity.

"Kaiba, what the hell have they done to you?" he asked as his eyes travelled over his body. The words confused Alpha even more. Who was this person? He was clearly not a member of those who resided here. He did not dress like them; his appearance all but neat and tidy. Shoes that were sullied and hair tempestuous and free. He did not look like them. And why was he himself referred to as Kaiba so sonorously?

"Who are you?" Alpha questioned rightfully. The man had left the door open. And if he was not a member of this facility's staff, then was it possible…that he did not carry a remote to his burdening shackle? Could he escape? Overpowering this stranger would surely not prove too difficult.

"…You don't remember?" the blond man asked after a grave pause, stunned. His brown eyes were widened and eyebrows raised at the presented reply. Alpha grew even more bewildered. He abhorred being left in the dark so unjustifiably. Knowledge was everything. A vital key to success. Why was he playing with him?

"Remember what? Clarify." he asked as he grew frustrated. As did the other man, who glared fiercely. His tone then raised slightly, though obviously trying to keep it low all the same. Which would indicate that he did not belong here. Or at the very least, that he wasn't supposed to be with him. Why else would one not want to raise their voice unless others were not supposed to know of it?

"How the fuck can't you remember! I'm Jounouchi!" he announced, gesticulating wildly as he continued his worthless explanation, for he got no response from the other man. "Come on! Jounouchi! Jou! The mutt! Second-rate duellist! Ringing any bells?" he cried out in anger, exposing the truth that said nothing to Alpha. After a few pondering seconds this Jounouchi was shoved aside on the grounds of not having produced a proper answer. The brunet walked past him in nonchalance, carefully looking out the corridor. It was conveniently empty.

"What the hell are you doing?" the stranger asked, insulted. So he grabbed his collar to make the brunet face him. A most dangerous gesture. Not to mention foolish. Alpha reacted instantly to this as if it was a natural reflex. Firstly he grabbed a hold of the man's wrists before pushing his front to the wall. It immobilized him effectively without breaking any bones. If he would, he'd surely cry out loud. That in turn would attract attention. He did not need such a boisterous thing.

"I can ask you the same. What are you here for? What is your objective?" he questioned in a controlled manner. The blond only struggled fiercely while rudely ordering him to let him go. Something he did not need to hear. "You better respond before I hurt you. Answering me would be the wisest choice." he announced with indifference. The blond man growled before doing as told, seething out the ever important words.

"To take you home, you fucking prick…!" he hissed out. Never missing a second of struggle, like a wild animal that was captured. Rage boiled within, daring to seep out. But this man, he did not seem afraid. A refreshing discovery. All of the victims he had encountered always were, in some way or another. Anyone who did not carry the remote was.

Forever frightened of the monster that he had become.

So who was this man that refused to give in to the trembling terrors he produced? However, that question had no direct relevance. Not when there existed a much more intriguing question. And so he loosened his hold of the other in the vaguest way. His blue eyes carrying hints of shock.

"…Home?" Alpha repeated, his voice hollow as something inside him regenerated. For he remembered the first day he ever could recall. The day a woman had greeted him to his "new home". And then later two men claimed he had always stayed here. Contradicting one another's truths… And now he got clarification. The men were liars, as he suspected. He himself had been right to never trust them. Thus this would be his chance.

But how could he trust this man, who he had not known for longer than a few minutes? Why was he compelled to put his life on the line for a vague promise of escape? He did not know. This might as well be a test ignited by the superior ones. To see how much value he had. To see how loyal and cunning he was.

But did it matter to excel in everything? His objective was different than theirs. It was to get out. It was freedom.

But then what? Once he could soar freely, what else was there? There was no true meaning in anything. Yet this imprisonment suffocated him. No matter how much of an unimportant task, he wished to get out.

"Then stop being useless and show the way out." he ordered to the man that held no superiority in this life. So he released his hold of him and stepped backwards. A gesture of a temporary partnership. Even if those were not to be needed. But Jounouchi had gotten in. Then he could get out, unlike he himself. He knew the way. It was en extenuating circumstance.

"Fucking bastard." the man muttered, resentment in his voice. "Do you know how goddamn long I've been looking for you! Two years, Kaiba! Two. Fucking. Years." he spat out in a low voice, his eyes filled with such intensified rage. Alpha was not bothered by it. Much.

"You're wasting time." Alpha told dispassionately with a bored look in his eyes. The blond man snorted before attempting to leave the room.

How long was two years? And how long had he been there? Why could he not remember anything? Was the past even important?

"Whatever. Just follow and be quiet. And what the fuck is around your neck anyway?" Jounouchi asked, gesticulating towards his collar needed for controlling him. Not wanting to reveal his weakness, he answered simplistically and short.

"A forced attachment."

"Yeah, I bet. So who's the dog now? Huh, Kaiba?" he asked as he grinned. Transforming his attitude to a more positive one, little by little. Alpha did not like these unnatural changes. Why did he not stay static? It seemed unnatural to change so inconsistently. Could he be purposely trying to confuse him? Was he aiming for him to think of him as harmless, only to attack from the shadows? Had he too been studying him like the others, and somehow learnt of his weakness for wanting an escape? Was he using it against him? Was this a ploy to make him inferior to this stranger?

"Be quiet or I'll silence you." he demanded coldly. Yet the attitude of the other did not change. Both of them merely continued to walk as quietly as they could while this person called Jounouchi opened a door nearby. Cautiously he followed. His steps were light and nearly inaudible, the socks on his feet cold against the stone floor. But he did not complain.

"Ooo, scary." Jounouchi taunted teasingly to the brunet's remark. He grinned widely as he stared at the taller man, waiting to receive some feedback. Like a familiar taunt. Or disapproval at the very least. But none was given, and his face fell. "What, you too good to even glare at me now? Hmph." he huffed out, carefully closing the door behind them. "Damned boring bastard."

The brunet cared little of meeting the other man's expectations. Especially when presented to a place he had never been offered to see. The room was rectangular, and light radiated from a window which his eyes were instantly drawn towards. When seeing it more closely he grew stunned. Frozen, he stared at the window that carried the perfect view over his forsaken room. So it was here they had him under surveillance. His life…so controlled. Always powerless. Stripped of independence. Disgusting.

Jounouchi, watching the brunet stare apathetically did still manage to notice the tension escaping him. Thus he chose to retract to being quiet, ending up standing beside him. His vacant eyes looked blankly at the sterile room that shone up this one so well.

"Are you surprised?" he asked, referring to the probable supervision and observation they put him under. For he did not find much else to say.

The taller man remained silent for a moment, eyes staring down at all the notes on the desk. Notes about him. About his faults and behaviour and how to make him perfect. He snorted quietly before letting it go with his eyes. Then he turned his back to the window, awaiting further movements of their mutual escape. The simple act showed his character so well.

"Of course not. They were too obvious in their ways. Anyone would have understood. Now lead us out of here, or I'll have no use of you." he told rudely. Killing the temporary sympathy that had been evoked in the blond. As it usually was. Whenever there seemed to be some sort of hope Kaiba could be human, and be hurt like them, he regained himself in that annoyingly superhuman way, suddenly not caring anymore. Shutting it off.

He hated it.

And yet it was comforting. Because Kaiba kept his role, and Jounouchi kept his own, and they could keep it nice and simple. To Kaiba, he would be the loser that would never match up. To Jounouchi, Kaiba would be the rich-boy needing to be put into place. And that was easy. Simple. Not at all complicated. He liked things easy. Good versus bad. Light and dark. Nothing grey.

But truth be told, Kaiba was more grey than he would ever admit. As was mostly everything else, despite how strongly he wished to see his friends and sister as pure light, and everyone opposing them as dark. And when a dark became better, they became light. Never grey. Always avoid the grey. It confuses. Disturbs. Invokes to the grey in yourself. The parts you do not wish to meet nor understand.

"Which way now?" Alpha questioned as they stood still, two halls leading opposite ways before them. Jounouchi stared confused for a few quiet moments before feeling the pressure of Kaiba's blue eyes.

"I…um… Hey, **you** live here! Why don't you figure it out!" he reversed the tables, not wanting to be bossed around while having forgotten the exact way out of this place. He saw the other man open his mouth to reply.

But footsteps caught up with them, causing both to freeze temporarily. The echoing sound of a foreboding catastrophes. Only misfortunes could grow now, with nothing left to stem the process since he was within enemy grounds. A great disadvantage he could not compensate.

"Alpha?" an unknown man's voice asked from behind them, causing both to turn around. Alpha with more poise than the blond stranger. Blue eyes stared boldly into the nameless man's eyes, detaining any nervous feeling inside. He was prepared for this. He was prepared for being found. Prepared that Jounouchi would collaborate with the others. Even if he disliked what was happening, emotions should not be shown, as they taught him so flawlessly. Yet from behind him he could hear Jounouchi groan at the destroyed hope whilst desperately looking for escape routes.

Maybe he had not been deceived by him…yet. But he was not one to believe.

"Who are you!" the employee asked in a forceful way. He held a coffee mug in his hand that emitted heat, fragile steam fleeing from it. It's scent coloured the room with life. Staring at the man, Jounouchi could tell he was just as solicitous about this situation as he.

"I'm…an employee?" he tried, well aware nothing he said would suffice as an accepted answer. He was walking around with Kaiba **and** was a stranger. Masks of pretence could not save him now. Judging by the reaction of the man, his suspicions were right.

"Liar! How did you find this place?" the employee shouted out desperately, aghast and paled by the revelation of not being in the perfect hiding. Jounouchi remained quiet. He did not feel the need to shake this already unstable man from the ground. Continuing, the employee was lost in a sea of distress. He drowned in his sins so helplessly.

"We can't be exposed….we can't…it's…it'd ruin everything. I can't afford it. Never meant for…" he mumbled with distant eyes, his world crashing down. Only to come out with a single word in an even tone. "Alpha!" he cried out. So Alpha's eyes fixated with the man's, recognizing the detested tone of demand. "Kill him! Do it now!" he ordered, causing Jounouchi's brown eyes to widen. And it was not only because that man had ordered such a definite thing. But also because Kaiba was moving. Towards him. "It's the only way…" the stranger mumbled to himself, frightened of sins being exposed as he watched closely. A remote was in his hand that he clutched to so desperately.

"Kaiba…? What are you doing?" Jounouchi asked uncertainly, backing away. Yet unable to lock away the strange feeling of being betrayed by a man he never had any bond to.

"It's unfortunate. But we must all play by the rules of this life." the brunet declared, disappointed that his plans could not be acted out. Especially when this Jounouchi now proved to not be working together with the people here. But he could not oppose this nameless man. For he carried a remote. As they all did. He had learned such a thing the hard way. There was no escape. And he had yet found a reason to die. Thus, killing to stay alive was the only option.

But what was a reason to die? And what was a reason to live? Did there ever exist any reason for this haphazard living at all? No… There could not be. Everyone decided for themselves. Because then nothing else could control him ever again. Nothing else would either. …Yet that was such a hypocritical thought in a moment like this.

"What?" Jounouchi asked in a bewildered way before growing angry. An emotion he seemed to retreat to quite often. "Why are you obeying them, you bastard! They're the ones who killed Mokuba! Since when did you turn into their mindless pet! And don't you freaking touch me!" he bellowed out strongly. Which surely must have been heard all over the facility at the moment. The hand that aimed for Jounouchi's throat was hastily slapped away in a forceful manner. Not that such a feeble act would truly help. But he stopped his advancements nevertheless, eyes filled with question. For he was hung up over one word that meant everything, yet nothing at all.

"Mokuba…?" did this man hold the answers to everything these people had tried to cover up so neatly? "How…how do you know of Mokuba? Tell me!" he asked forcefully, eyes desperate. Jounouchi backed when under his gaze. Brown eyes widened in a temporary frightened stance upon seeing the brunet. It was obvious the blond was fairly surprised by the reaction he was met by.

"Kill him!" but he could not. Not when he had met him so neatly. The one person in this life that walked in the shoes of truth over this world of deceit. In pure reluctance towards the order did his arms fall lifelessly down his to sides. Blatantly refusing to act the order out. "Alpha!" the man urged desperately. Empty eyes turned to look at his with no interest.

"I have no desire to kill this man." he would not be controlled again. And that liberation was worth living for. Perhaps dieing for.

"Right on, Kaiba!" Jounouchi encouraged from behind him. Though he failed to earn any attention from the men too busy with their own world of rules. A world in which Kaiba took back his prerogative of choice.

"It's not your place to decide! Now do it, or you know what's waiting for you." he warned, face red from anger. Red from embarrassment of having lost control. The brunet's face remained as unaffected and pale as it always was. The sun rays had not been granted to caress his skin.

"No. This is my choice." he announced with pride that barely painted the words. But the pride was as strong as ever. Though these people might rule his life, he would never fall down before their feet for all eternity. He had decided this the first day of his life even. And there existed no other objective to replace this, perhaps foolish, yearning.

So when the button was pushed and his body felt the pangs of shock circulate his body viciously, he fell to his knees without regret as his muffled cries was all he heard. His hands instantly clutched onto his arms. It did not feel as torturous then, when he folded himself together. Probably an illusion in order to escape. But all he could concentrate on was still the pain. And he grew so weak due to it as his nerves all hurt, running from his spine to the pink of his fingertips. Tearing him up from the inside, immobilizing him efficiently. His heart now found struggle in pumping the essential blood.

Would he be discarded now, as he proved to be a useless rebel? …It didn't matter. He had opposed them. Finally. Maybe he was never meant to walk in the rays of the sun over the grass so green. But that did not matter. Not when he was the one in charge of his life, and they were not.

Yet the pain refused to disappear, holding him tightly in an embrace so deadly.

"Kaiba!" Jounouchi cried out as he threw himself down to the other man who did not acknowledge him in any way. Continuously he carried on his private struggle undisturbed whilst Jounouchi tried to shake him in an attempt to make him snap out of it. To no avail. "Dammit you asshole, what's wrong?" he dared to ask before his eyes were instinctively guided to the man in front of them, seeing him use a remote of some kind. And he may not be a genius, but he could put two and two together. And thus he raised himself to his feet, glaring destructively. The employee grew aware instantly.

"You fucking bastard. Do you know how damn long I've prepared for this day?" Jounouchi hissed, spitting out venom with his words. Delivering the words slowly, as if trying to compose himself. The employee's eyes widened as he had not prepared this outcome to happen. Frightened he began to back as the other walked forward menacingly. Yet the employee never let the blond man's gaze go as he called for his herd of peers. Called for Alpha to save him. To kill the intruder. Passively waiting for escape instead of seeking it out. Jounouchi's fists clenched, knuckles white in response. Still approaching. Hate burning in his eyes. "I can't let it all go to waste because of some scum like you!" he declared malevolently before lunging forward. He easily overpowered the other man who had probably never engaged in a fight before. Not that he cared or found interest in that. A punch to the stomach threw the employee off guard, his main concern now was being to breathe.

The mug with hot liquid fell hastily to the ground, cracking. Broken and useless while the coffee seeped as far away from it as it could. Escaping the imperfect form it had become. The sound was almost simultaneously followed with a thump, as Jounouchi had now made the employee fall on his back. He then proceeded to sit on top of his chest while restricting his limbs, immobilizing him. Then he stared coldly down at a face so disgraceful.

"Please…I never meant for… The world, it'll be better! Sacrifices are always to be made! Please don't kill me! I have a family to support!" he pleaded with the traditional words of desperation. Tears that had accumulated in his eyes now fell, travelling down his face. Proof of a loss of dignity.

Acknowledging that the man no longer had the remote in possession, his brown, judging eyes stared down without sympathy before snorting. Kaiba's hurt could not be heard any longer. Yet it rang in his ears so clearly. A torturous echo.

"Sacrifices?" he asked with distaste. "Fucking bullshit. Guess what? Then I sacrifice you, in order to make things right." he told the other man, who continued to beg incoherently. His fist connected not a moment too soon with the older man's face, a loud crack heard. Evidence of a broken nose. And then the sounds stopped. "But I'm no killer like you people." he muttered with bitterness.

He had knocked him out cold with ease, and Kaiba's sounds of pain ceased to plague his mind as he stood up, now smirking. Removing himself from the scenario. Breathing heavily. Proudly. The immense hurt of his hand was ignored, as well as the slight blood it was stained with.

"Hah! Did you see that, Kaiba? Don't I just kick ass?" he bragged to the man that would forever be his rival. Simultaneously he turned around with a cocky grin, appearing unmoved by his previous action. "Right, Kaiba? …Kaiba?" he asked with something synonymous to concern as the brunet tried to stagger his way to one of the two corridors. In each step he grew more firm in his walk.

Alpha, upon hearing Jounouchi speak, turned around so that their eyes met. He could see no ominous threat in his features. But trust was a foolish thing. Yet, could they still work together? Jounouchi did not seem against the idea, even if he himself had little intentions of depending on someone else. But he had little strength to escape him. Should he mimic partnership as long as Jounouchi proved useful?

Yes. That would suffice.

"We must…move quickly." Alpha declared between pants of exhaustion, his fingertips stinging still after his tormenting treatment. As did other body parts. Nerves still wounded, and some parts now numb. Hopefully only temporarily so.

Jounouchi nodded in agreement before running up to him. Arms ready to help if the other would ever dare to think of falling. Though no touch was ever needed.

"I second that. I think I'm even hearing footsteps."

And so they ran. And Alpha could not help but notice that Jounouchi did not pick up the remote that lay so tempting on the ground, begging to be picked up. No, that he did not. Despite knowing the power he could have from it. Therefore Alpha knew that the choice he made today would not prove fruitless. Such a positive discovery.

"There! There it is Kaiba! The exit!" he exclaimed with joy, running just a little bit faster than before. Quite the opposite of what Alpha chose to do.

"Wait." he protested in a low voice. "It could be a trap. They might have security out there." he declared, standing still and calculating a plan of what else they could do. Jounouchi's face fell, eyes darting back and forth between the brunet and the door in loss.

"But…we, we were so close…!"

"Perhaps if we -" Alpha began while listening for footsteps that came. A tedious repeat of an event not too long gone. So before Alpha could continue, misfortune decided to pay a visit, a door in the corridor opening before them. Obviously, a person walked out of it, merely meters away from the stunned pair. And Jounouchi could not help but stare in shock. For it was the same woman he had seen before. Now she stood there and looked at them with green eyes so uncaring.

"I see you made it in time." she stated, more so to herself.

"You…" he murmured, unaware of her motives. She ignored him and proceeded to gesticulate with her arm for them to go inside the room she had been in. Why, neither of the men knew. She seemed to phantom that.

"If you are wise, you will go inside there for awhile." she told in a strict voice. "The security is out in the lobby, waiting for me to let them in. I suggest this room as a temporary hiding place before they infiltrate the building." she revealed. Jounouchi stared quietly, weighing the pros and cons.

Only to end up obeying. For she did not radiate any mischievous schemes. True, he had been deceived many times before in his life. But he could not afford not to trust her if there truly were security men out there. So he gesticulated for Kaiba to follow his lead. Something he did with reluctance, after going through a though process of similar grounds.

For she had told him the truth once. Welcomed him to his new home. Undoubtedly she carried a remote. She could use it if she wished. But she did not. So he too walked into the dark room, his eyes staying on her meanwhile in case she decided to do something with negative effect.

"Why?" he inquired coldly before she was about to close the door to leave them in darkness and uncertainty. Her face remained stoic with her hand on the handle. Such power she now carried.

"Because life is precious, even if this world is not perfect." she revealed before the door closed. All left as the room was dark was their hearing. And her solitary footsteps echoed in their minds before she reached the main door and unlocked it before calmly commanding the security to come inside. Their quiet running footsteps soon transpired only to be left a chilling memory of a capture so close.

Alpha was the first to rise up when silence existed, taking valiant steps towards the door. The blond followed without protest, wary in his ways. All was deadly quiet. And Alpha's hand tried to mimic the silence as he turned down the handle, slowly opening the door. His tense muscles were ready for ambush and betrayal.

But that never came.

The hall remained empty of both security and doctors, and with the escape door open, neither wasted time. An unspoken plan of freedom formed, no matter the simplistic nature it carried. And so they scurried out to the lobby where the secretary glanced at them with question before they disappeared into the life of the city. Blending in and becoming one of many.

So as Jounouchi grinned from ear to ear, leading the way in such satisfaction, Alpha's eyes were transfixed with all that this world had to offer. All while trying not to stumble on his way. The sky was magnificently blue as white, pure clouds rested up there with it in comfort. The concrete on the ground was harsh to his feet that were only protected by thin socks. Yet it did not matter. He would be utterly weak and disgraceful if it did.

He had made a choice in taking a chance and go with this blond stranger that contained the truth of questions that begged for answers. And so far, his choice proved to be the right one as the slightly chilly air whipped his face in a refreshing way.

Because now he was controlled by none. This was a day to remember. But it was foolish to think this was the end. For it was far from.

True freedom always came with a higher price.

**XxxX**

"He escaped. I… I can't believe it. We're… They'll get us now. We're going to get exposed." Wakai told as he sat in his used chair before the mirror to Alpha's room. His elbows rested on the arms of his chair all while his head was bent down. His hands held it protectively just to loosen their hold when he decided to look up. Only to be met by the fateful sight of an empty room. His hair would have been a mess if it was long enough. "No matter all the valuable resources we have left, this is the end of us…" he declared solemnly, the personnel around him and Takashi quiet in sombre loss.

"I'm not quite sure of that." Takashi objected, taking everyone by surprise. Although he too was stressed, and it showed due to his hair being tussled from too many nervous strokes, it had minimized. "We taught him this."

"Taught him to escape! Are you mad? We did no such thing. The whole project of Child Prodigy have failed! He went with a stranger even! We never taught him to disobey nor trust others!" Wakai interfered with the other man's thought process.

"Who says he trusts?" he questioned with a smirk. Wakai still looked displeased.

"Using him, trusting him; same thing. He trusts that he can use him. That's bad enough." he told, sighing bitterly. "But it doesn't matter. Physically, he was perfect. Genes, strength, you name it. Yet we failed." Dr Wakai bemoaned. "It could have ended differently. It should have ended differently…"

"And now you mean to tell me I have failed in my deduction of his true personality?" Takashi questioned. No sign of hurt within his features was seen. Wakai however appeared at a slight loss of words and momentary shock.

"…I did not say such a thing." he told in a slow, low voice with eyes so sharp, ready to cut the other for suggesting such a thing.

"Doesn't matter. As I told you before; we taught him this. We always taught him to grow as an independent person who should learn to carry out missions, no matter the form, on his own. That he should learn to make choices when guidance was not available."

"But all under **our** supervision!"

"True. But I suppose a man with his intellect found it to be too contradicting. Too be independent yet under our control. And let's remember that man has always yearned for the forbidden fruit. His was independence. And now, he found it." he told in a matter-of-fact tone, earning hopeful glances from the staff, but merely annoyed ones from Wakai.

"Are you telling me we should be happy for him?" he almost hissed out. Stressed and easily agitated, his hands clenched together as they towered over the arms of his chair.

"Of course not. But dear old friend, you should know as well as I, that reality is not quite as we taught him it is to be."

"No…it's not."

"He'll grow infuriated by it. It is the epitome of imperfection. And we taught him to look down on that. After all, he is nearly perfect. Why would he bother with lessened creatures?"

"So…what do you suggest he will he do?" Wakai asked with apparent interest sewn together with hope born from the smirk of the other man.

"That he'll return. Because we detest this imperfect world as much as he. And because no one else can give him the power that we can."

"Are you sure he will truly want power?" Wakai questioned, eyes narrowed in contemplation.

"Yes. Most certainly, after having been taught of its importance for so long."

"Then perhaps, we are not completely forsaken." Wakai sighed out in a pleased manner, his towering hands falling down into his lap as he slumped down in his chair.

And on the table worked the printer. The thing that could not lie, currently printing out the face of the man that had taken their test subject. For they would be fools not to have surveillance in the lobby.

And when it finished, the face of Jounouchi Katsuya would be as clear as in real life.

It was only a matter of time now.

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

Words: 9714  
I'll be surprised if anyone survives reading this.

I don't know why, but I love writing the "bad guys" in this story! There's just something special about them. And mwohahaha! I wonder if anyone can figure out how this story will play out! ...Alright, you guys probably can. It's almost too obvious. This chapter was too obvious. But I can live in my imaginary world of mystery anyhow, haha.

Moving on; long chapter. I know. Crucify me all you wish. And if you have any comments, good or bad, I'd be delighted to read them. This story is very, very different from what I have written before. In short; more like an experiment. And I'd like to know how it's percieved so far. What do I need to improve/continue doing?

Otherwise, I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed:D It's really nice to see so many reading and sharing your thoughts on this weird story. Gives me a fuzzy feeling. As a reward, I give you all cookies and candy (with milk if you want)! -hands out-

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Review, or you are like the scum Jounouchi wishes to sacrifice! -laughs at comment and then runs off-


	5. Precious burden

**Warning:** Murder(?), blood, minor violence, fluctuating behaviour concerning Jou, probably a bunch of grammar errors, long chapter, beware of OOC-characterness, etc.

**Note:** Erm...really late update this time, folks. I am _very_ sorry. There is really no good enough reason for this. As a gesture of forgiveness; I offer thee an extra longer chapter as compensation. Please accept my failed apology.  
Also; Jounouchi's thoughts and feelings will vary greatly. You really need to pay attention to how his train of thought works, otherwise you'll all think "WTF how did he come to that conclusion?" or "Why did he do _that_ all of a sudden?!". So yeah... No skipping the lines mindlessly!

**Recap:** Jounouchi did a mission a la Mission Impossible, freed the prisioned and stoic princess Kaiba, who somewhat reluctantly went along with him. Then ran out into freedom. But no! The evil guys has obtained a clear picture of Jounouchi's face from a security camera. Oh the horror!

* * *

**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 5

by Growing Pain

* * *

His brown eyes stared suspiciously at the brunet that sat perfectly straight on the passenger's seat. He appeared in deep thought, much like the blond himself. All while the air conditioner worked lazily, causing strands of hair to rock back and forth in a serene repetition of predictability. With a bothered mind he averted his gaze from the other man and focused on the occupied road. Many cars of different shapes and sizes passed him by, but his mind was not focused on that. Far from. 

He had noticed, albeit their ridiculously short time together, that Kaiba was different now. He could tell. It even bordered to drastically so, even. It did not take a genius to see such a laughingly obvious matter.

This change worried him. After their mutual, and surprisingly easy, escape from the Spring Hill Medical Centre, he had taken the liberty to ask Kaiba some questions. And so it seemed true that he held no memories. At all. Only when asked about Mokuba did Kaiba's eyes seem to change in a way that told Jounouchi of hope; a spark of recognition glimmering in the deep blue. Or maybe he only deluded himself to see it, to taste the sweet victory craved so long. But fact remained; Kaiba's mind seemed erased of his life.

At least, there existed no memories of his real life. Only those of the last two years. Perhaps even less. And how such a remarkable loss in his memory bank came to happen only confused him the more he thought about it. Did Kaiba choose to forget? To avoid the trauma? He had heard things like that on T.V.

But it wasn't as if he could ask Kaiba and see if he had the correct assumption though.

When in this discussion, whilst hurriedly walking the streets of Domino, the brunet had also told he was not Kaiba, but was identified as Alpha. Refusing his veracious past Jounouchi seemed unable to verify with the other even if it were to hit him upfront. It was infuriating. So Jounouchi had merely snorted and ignored the correction, pretending the words of denial never came. He refused to allow Kaiba's brainwashed manners to escape the surface and control them both.

Kaiba was Kaiba, and Alpha was a bad dream. Soon they'd wake up.

Doing what the blond perceived right, he had taken them right to the police with this errand. After all, kidnapping and murder was not something you discarded. Those people that had locked up Kaiba needed to be punished. Right and wrong, white and black. He was white, they were black. It was his duty to see to it that the chain kept going a straight line instead of lying in a diffuse dump. He had to distinguish the two, or else the balance would be broken.

Kaiba had, surprisingly, been reluctant to go. Despite his premise with them. Despite their act of without regret robbing Kaiba of his life, his freedom and Mokuba's life. Jounouchi would be sickened by this behaviour he perceived as weak if it was not for the fact that he repeatedly convinced himself that Kaiba did not remember being free. So Jounouchi had encouraged the other to do this. To give the police a chance. Though the blond urged so in a rather annoyed and irate manner. Yet Kaiba had merely stated it to be of no use. An advice he wisely ignored.

Even if Kaiba disagreed with his objective, he still followed the blond. Jounouchi, who never really remembered that the former CEO ever did anything the blond wanted him to, could not help but wonder why he would choose to act differently this time around. No matter if he had lost his memory, Kaiba was still Kaiba. So why? Why walk beside him, without shoes, not urging one bit of complaint, and being brought to a place he himself did not want to see? His ideal answer would be to hear that Kaiba understood the same train of thought Jounouchi maintained. That evil deserves to be punished.

But Kaiba and he never fell so conveniently into the same slot to begin with. Suspicions aroused within, tainting his mind and slowly allowing poisoned thoughts to seep inside to tell him Kaiba was not to be trusted. Because it was not normal, walking without shoes, white clothes all over, a sort of collar around his neck, and stared at by most that passed them by; all while not uttering a word of discomfort. What did he think he was earning by doing this?

The bastard had almost been right about the police though. When they arrived to the police station he stumbled upon the shock of no one in the department believing him when showing this man without shoes and simple clothing. Therefore they merely asked him to leave, as he had managed to create a scene. Proven by his throat gone soar from barking at officers he thought of as ignorant.

Apparently, many people had brought Kaiba-look-alikes to them through the past two years. Claiming they had found the real deal. Accordingly, they must have assumed him to be yet another faker.

However, after much commotion, the chief himself had been lured out by his verbal shouts and profanities whilst Jounouchi was asking to see someone. To see anyone who could help. Or capable of listening to his stressed self rambling incoherent words.

Unknown to Jounouchi, Kaiba had been discreetly fading from his sight, slowly retracting himself from such a watched scenario. Only to end up going outside. Jounouchi had failed to notice it, too busy trying to make others acknowledge the other one's existence. Ironic, really.

He did manage to notice that Honda was not there. It unnerved him as dangerous and fictional scenarios occurred within his mind where Honda went looking for him. Would he too find the Medical Centre obvious and go there? What if they captured him as well? But rationality decided to pay him a visit to remind the shaken blond man that his friend, despite carrying the almost same determination as him, did not throw himself into scenarios that could be dangerous without heed.

Worry refused to leave his side despite that. And he failed to sense Kaiba's eyes on him, standing on the outside and looking in. Callous observation of his behaviour stored inside for future references. Oblivious to the truths surrounding him, drowning in his own.

He was stressed. Agitated, to say the least. Yet as soon as the chief had managed to find his way to stand before him with a reassuring look on his face, his worries appropriately decided to dissipate into thin air, pushed away by his exhaled breaths.

The chief had listened carefully to his failed, yet nevertheless proudly tried, attempts at coherently explaining the whole story. All while calming his co-workers and making them go back to work once more before leading him to privacy so he would not be bothered by glares.

Such a pleasant memory.

"How much did you see?" now came the somewhat stern question from the driver's seat, ripping Jounouchi out of his reminiscence.

"What?" the blond asked, not paying much attention. Rather, he was too excited over finally being able to witness the downfall of his before anonymous enemy.

"Inside the facility. How much did you see?" the older man asked, his narrowed eyes mirroring in the rear-view mirror. His worn-out grey jacket's sleeves were pulled up, exposing slightly plum skin that lead to the hands holding the black steering wheel. A ring around his finger, suggesting marriage. No personal photographs or other things adorned the car.

"Um, I don't really know, chief." he told. "I was sort of focused on finding Kaiba." he chuckled off with an apologetic smile as he watched the chief observe him through the rear-view mirror. There was no hospitality offered back. The lack of politeness caught him off guard and produced an unwelcome surprise. However, he decided to shrug it off. The chief probably had a bad day or something along those lines.

"Are there any others who know that you were going there today? Or planning to?" he asked professionally with a slightly stressed voice. Brown eyes narrowed, unnerved by the change of the older man. Transforming from such a gentle man into a colder copy. Was it only because he was on duty…or something else? Seeking confirmation brown eyes looked over to the before missing brunet, who did not seem affected at all. How annoying. So his eyes went back to the driver.

"…No." he lied to play it safe. Just in case. White lies could not hurt. And perhaps it was that the traffic was heavy, or just a mere annoyance to the chief? And why did Kaiba not notice the shift of the temper in the atmosphere? The erasing of a before rather peaceful calamity in the air? Or had his perception in these matters merely gone astray during his time away?

His gut made him worried, despite all the rational explanations he could think of. And it grew even more so due to the fact that Kaiba was oblivious. Meaning he was responsible for both of them on his own. Paranoia now rested soundly in his before oblivious mind.

Why had the chief, the boss, the man too busy for most, accepted his case so easily instead of sending out inferiors? It shouldn't matter if they were sceptical or not, if he ordered something, they had to do it. Should he be worried over this hospitality? But why should he? Could there not exist any good guys in this modern day and age? Why was he suspecting an innocent man of cruel hidden intentions? Perhaps this day's surprising events had taken a strain on his mind.

"If you were to see the personnel once more, would you be able to recognize them?" the question shot out at him as if in an interrogation. Jounouchi despised the feeling.

"I didn't see that many, but maybe. I think." he told unsurely.

"Do you understand what purpose Kaiba might have had there?"

"Um…there was this man…" he started with doubtful eyes.

"Yes?" the chief persisted.

"He said something about a better world. Whatever that means."

And so the silence became the victor while they steadily drew closer to the Spring Hill Medical Centre. Claustrophobia had never visited before, but today Jounouchi was favoured with its existence. And he could not help but feel that he had to get out of the car. As fast as possible. There were dangerous people back there, and all he had on his side was a police chief and an emotionally drained previous victim. How could he have been so blind simply because happiness had pierced its way through his rationality?

"Um…do you think that we could stop for a burger or something? I'm kind of hungry." he made an unconventional try in such a delicate situation. Smiling his usual falsely apologetic smile he was far too used to doing.

"No." came the monotone reply.

"Uhm, okay…"

Why didn't the chief ask Kaiba any questions? No sign of conversation had been directed towards the former CEO other than the slightly awkward greeting before getting inside the car. His eyes had shifted uncomfortably when directing his speech at the brunet, Jounouchi remembered. Why avoid the gaze? And why not ask questions? After all, Kaiba had been the one to be kidnapped and treated badly by those people for two years now! Why was it all about Jounouchi? He had seen enough cop movies to know that something was wrong.

Was he being the suspect himself? Or was there something else?

And where to turn, but your friends? His manna from heaven.

"Jounouchi, thank god! Where the hell are you?!" Honda shouted out through his cell phone to the blond man on the other end. Despite the circumstances he hopefully decided to try his luck and call Honda in this compromising situation. Speed dialling before any protest could be uttered.

"Hey man! Listen, sorry about not calling before. But you know, I hooked up with this awesome girl." he faked normality, trying his best at having a safe conversation that Honda could still understand. All while earning suspicious glances from the driver. Kaiba remained unmoved. Past annoyance came alive once more when noticing this.

And as the road signs told him he did not have much time, he grew even more stressed. Perhaps Kaiba really knew what he was talking about when he said it was no use to go to the police department.

Stupid Kaiba, always right, and never caring to further his explanation so people without psychic abilities could understand him without going into his head. It was too typical for him to even fully acknowledge with anger.

"What? What the hell are you talking about? What girl? What about Kaiba then?" Honda asked, obviously confused. Unable to see through the mask. "But you're alright, right? You better be!"

"Yeah yeah, but only a matter of time." he told, as if in a hurry. His eyes now guiltily looking out the window in a need to escape the prying eyes of the driver.

"What?"

"Well, this girl and me really hit it off, and then we went to a car." he tried to incorporate his situation with these metaphors as professionally as possible. However, it turned out either he or Honda had not seen enough movies where this kind of cryptic talking appeared.

"What the hell, Jounouchi! What does this have to do with anything?!" Honda cried out in frustration, his fingers massaging the root of his nose in chagrin.

"It has to do with everything! I was in a tight spot." Jounouchi nearly hissed out while Honda growled at his incompetent friend. But then a realisation came to happen.

"Wait. You in a tight spot?"

"Good job, Einstein. And yes; you could say that I am." Jounouchi told with a relieved laugh.

"A really serious one?"

"I think so. But I don't know. She seemed sort of two-faced."

"Is it a girl you're with, or are you just using really shitty metaphors?"

"The latter. And hey, no insults!" he reprimanded, still feeling the suspicious feeling omitting from the chief. "But listen. I did what I was supposed to do, you know. The girl and me just got into a tight spot afterwards."

"Did what you were supposed to? …So you got Kaiba out? He's there?!"

"Bingo!"

"So he's really alive?"

"You bet. A little paler than…" he carried on, only to stop himself mid-sentence, knowing he was getting off-track with his fake conversation. "um, most girls, but you know, she looked fine."

"Oh Christ…he really… So where are you now?"

"Though I was a little worried though, man. She said she had some trouble with the police when we were in the backseat of her car." he told, not knowing how to reveal the truth while not letting the driver know he knew. If he was lucky, it would all be a misunderstanding, and the man before him had no hidden intentions at all.

"Kaiba got problems with the police?"

"No…!" he cried out, frustrated.

"Then who?"

"Well, currently, me!"

"So where are you now?"

"I told you, the backseat of her car!"

"What? I don't get it. Who is the girl, Kaiba or the police?"

"Both!"

"You're not messing with me, right? This better be true." Honda asked with an agitated voice, his fingers massaging the root of his nose.

"I swear to God it is."

"Why would the police be after you? They're good people. And you don't believe in God, by the way." Honda reminded half jokingly, half seriously.

"Well, if I survive, I will."

"Survive…?" the receiver asked in a confused manner. "What are you -?"

"Turn it off." the chief interrupted with a stern voice.

"But…" Jounouchi tried, only to fail.

"That voice," Honda mumbled. "is that really…"

"My car, my rules. Turn it off." the chief persisted. Jounouchi could only sigh, defeated.

"Listen man, got to talk to you later. I'm currently in the backseat of a police car, and the chief don't want me to talk anymore. Got to go, bye!"

"Jou-!" Honda cried out as a last resort, but the cell phone was only turned off obediently. Kaiba's empty, reserved eyes observed the act, not attracting the least bit of attention to himself.

"Is talking about a girl really appropriate on the day you found the former CEO who's been missing for two years?" the chief scolded, trying to make it sound light-hearted. It failed.

"Well, I can never sit still without doing anything. And I just felt like bragging about a girl I found." Jounouchi acted falsely, eyes looking out the window.

"Tacky, if you ask me." the chief reprimanded as he made a smooth left turn. One step closer. "Kids these days."

"I'm an adult." Jounouchi corrected with a displeased frown.

"So you say." the older man simply stated. Ending the conversation and leaving Jounouchi even more nervous than before. Such a repeated notion. In hope of calamity, he turned to the man he credited himself for saving. And he better earn himself some money for his chivalrous act of risking his life so easily.

"…So Kaiba, how are you doing?" the forced words came out. Blue eyes merely turned to look at him. Observing him, as they always did. Such a repeated, worthless procedure. It was done with little interest as well. Before turning back to watch the world pass him by.

"Chatty as always." he snorted off, only to be shaken by the abrupt stop in a seemingly deserted parking lot to a night club. Brown eyes widened, fear speaking of the danger his intuition screamed out at him. Searching for dangerous elements, he located the chief's gun. His eyes were glued on the promise of pain that rested soundly in its cradle on the chief's belt. A beast yet to be awakened. He would not awake it. No, he must not.

"Um, are you lost or something?" the blond man asked as the sound of clicks came out strongly to his now sensitive ears. Implying the car doors had been locked. No way out. Claustrophobia really could grow immensely strong in such a short time.

"I'm afraid we have some problems." the cool voice dared to announce cockily, aggravating the blond. But this was no time to show such emotions. He needed to play his cards right.

"I can drive, you know. If you can't find it, or whatever." he insisted, trying his best in appearing as if he did not know of what most likely would happen. Appearing as if he was not trying to get the immovable car door open.

The ever silent and stoic Kaiba only caused him more worry. So unaffected by all of this. Did this mean he was in on this as well? Why? He was free now! He himself had freed him! Kaiba wanted to be free! Why would he do this? Nothing made sense. The pieces of the puzzle did not fit. And as the seconds flew by him, he did not have time to grab onto any clue.

"How did you find out where Kaiba was?" the chief asked with poisoned suspicion.

"I…"

"Who told you?"

"I…I figured it out myself!" he defended. There was no need to mention Honda in anyway, in case this man was guilty of what he suspected him of.

"That's a load of bull. How did you find out?! An insider?"

"I already told you, I did it myself!" he defended as his hand gripped onto the handle on the door that remained immovable.

"Bullshit! Spill it boy, I know you couldn't have done it yourself!" the man snapped, his behaviour growing violently aggressive. That man had already made up his mind about the whole situation, and there was no redeeming falsity that could save him now.

"…You're with them, aren't you?" he dared to ask the obvious thing in this dead-end situation, his voice stronger than expected as he asked. So angry as well, because the good guys weren't supposed to be evil in disguise. And he was still ever aware this recognition could lure out the metallic beast. But he was rarely the one to think before talking, too sincere at times for his own good. Especially in forced situations. The man's eyes widened when presented to the notion, before a chuckle escaped his lips.

"Clever boy." the chief stated with a small smirk before his hand lowered to his hip. To his belt. Quickly scanning the scene, Jounouchi found nothing to use as defence. "Pity it has to end this way. Small sacrifices are however nothing." he explained with a crooked smile. Jounouchi's back could only press itself as much as possible into his seat in hopes of vanishing. If he could kick the gun, maybe he had a chance. Would that be enough? What if he still managed to shoot him? Maybe it'd only hit his shoulder, and he could then still overpower the man somehow.

Milliseconds moved in slow-motion, and as the gun had been fully raised, the barrel clear to his vision, blue vacant eyes reacted. With precision and surprising speed, the brunet sitting on the passenger seat moved only his hand in a fast attack. When it stopped, it revealed he held nothing more than a pen, and now pressed it against the throat of the chief, confusing both him and Jounouchi.

And Kaiba could not look less interested as his head almost lazily turned to face the man with the gun. A sight more disturbing to Jounouchi than he wanted it to be.

"W-what are you doing, Alpha?" the chief asked unsurely. "He's no good. We can do without him." he spoke as rationally as he could, all while Jounouchi slowly moved in his seat in hopes of escaping the eyes of the stale barrel.

"What I am doing, is a small sacrifice." Kaiba said after a soft snort. Then the tip of the pen was pressed more intensely to the naked skin of the middle-aged man's throat. "Given the right amount of pressure, this pen could penetrate your skin, flesh, and veins as well. Where it is located right now is where a larger vein is. If I were to stab you now, you would, without a doubt, bleed to death quite quickly." he told, as if reciting from a textbook, stating basic knowledge. All eyes but blue were widened and shocked.

"Y-You can't do this!" the chief burst out, his hand holding the gun shaking. Blue eyes observed it impersonally.

"You wish to use it against me, don't you? But you know you can't. You can't win." he explained calmly. Never telling the other to not shoot nor to put the weapon down. Still granted the weapon, still granted the chance to fight back. Jounouchi's hand persisted to try and open the door almost obsessively while his eyes never left the scenario. "Don't you find it ironic? You will die by this pen I found at the police station. Lying there without supervision." Kaiba asked, a sinister glee radiating from his taunting words. "I am no ones puppet." hardened, chilling words reminded harshly.

"Kaiba, wait!" Jounouchi found himself insisting. Surprising everyone present by his act. Even himself.

"Listen, I know these people have treated you so unfairly. But you, you can't kill them!" he urged for reasons unknown. It was a philosophy etched into his being. Even if they had stolen Kaiba's right to live as well as Mokuba's, there existed a barrier. Killing was wrong, despite it all.

"He's right!" the chief made no second to waste. "Listen to the boy, Alpha!"

"How very ironic for one of you to agree with such a thought." Kaiba told, his eyes narrowing. "Survival of the fittest. Strong ones survive. Weak ones die. Sinners die. Unworthy die. You fit the category."

"That's not the way it works!" Jounouchi urged, knowing he had to stop him before…before it'd be too late. Reaching forward without a thought of his own security, he aimed to grab a hold of the Kaiba's hand. To pull it away from the neck. To save the unworthy.

And he could only watch breathlessly as Kaiba ruthlessly pressed the tip of the pen into red, nervous skin. Punctuating the skin tissue and flesh and muscles with such perfect ease. His own hand stopped midway, still in it's failure. And blood poured freely, shamelessly, down the neck, soaking the suit and white shirt underneath the chief. Choking sounds and coughs from blood was the result as the man desperately and protectively held his wounded area is distress. Meanwhile his eyes' vision scattered over the small room of space available in this enclosed deathbed.

Blue eyes stared with no clear emotion painting his stoic and blood-stained face. And Jounouchi did not know which of the two men he should be most disturbed by.

The time passed; helpless seconds of ragged breathing where he could not help, not play the hero and do anything worthwhile, appeared and were lost all the same. Staring bluntly at the other man's dying moment. And when the sounds stopped and the man slumped in his seat, front ungracefully falling forward to rest on the steering wheel, his own tongue seemed to function once more.

"You…you killed him! You're a murderer…you killed him! You…you…" he repeated, now too late to do anything. And Jounouchi could only stare apathetically and concerned all the same at the mess while his hands ran through his hair, wanting to rip it off. Kaiba remained the opposite, his mind rational. Calmly did he wipe his face from the red, blaming liquid after catching a quick glance of Jounouchi and his distressed state.

"He's not dead." Kaiba informed coldly as he ripped out the pen and cleaned off the blood with a piece of the chief's suit. Small, blood-drenched pieces of human insides holding onto it gleefully, transfixing Jounouchi with its' raw vision. But after taking in the words slowly, he reacted. And so that piece of information caused Jounouchi's head to shoot up from his previously slumped position, but still huddled in the backseat.

"He's not?" he barely managed to whisper.

"No. But I expect him to be permanently immobilized for the rest of his life." he stated coldly. Professionally. All while claiming the gun from the other man's still fingers. "Now, Jounouchi…"

"Yeah?" the blond asked unsurely. Fear creeping up when seeing the man before him holding such a deadly device.

"We need a safe place to hide." Kaiba, or Alpha, or rather some cold monster, stated. Jounouchi turned to watch the now unconscious chief, with a future so bleak. If he even had a future at all. A lump stuck in his throat resided there without want to disappear. So he nodded, his head moving on its own accord.

"Yeah… I guess we really do."

Had he opened Pandora's box when releasing Kaiba? Freed a monster? Where was the joy of this accomplishment that lived within him no less than two hours before? Where was it now, when everything crumbled to pieces around his feet? He allowed himself to set free such destructive thoughts if only for a second. Thoughts that told him he had done such a grave mistake he himself should be punished.

But that could not be. Because he hoped it was not. And thus that thought was suppressed as he and Kaiba steadily walked away from the car, to eventually blend in with people walking casually on the sidewalk. Kaiba now wearing the chief's shoes the brunet had attained. His brown eyes stared fixatedly at them with near disgust. Those black leather shoes. Slight dirt on them. Stolen from an immobilized enemy.

"You're drawing attention to yourself. Stop." he wished he could stop. Rewind. Murderer… Kaiba was a killer. But it was in defence… To save him. A noble act, some would say. Was it? Could taking another person's life ever be truly justified? Yet he had not truly taken his life. Still alive, Kaiba said. Was he really? He never checked the pulse himself, too afraid of being tainted by the sins. Why was he so weak now, when courage mattered the most? What was wrong with him?

Had Kaiba not done it, he would be dead now. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps he was overreacting. He had to give Kaiba a chance. Who knows what those people had done to him. Yet the sight of blood painting Kaiba's face never left his memory, reoccurring whenever looking at him.

No, it was wrong to think of Kaiba as this. He saved him. And that other man was up to no good. It was better this way. All for the better…

Yet he could not help but wonder… Would Kaiba kill him, whenever he deemed it good to do so?

The echoing reply of an affirmative yes never left his plagued mind.

**XxxX**

Jounouchi was unreliable. That much Alpha understood. Even when under attack did he not wish to harm his enemy. Was he self-destructive? Did he wish to be harmed? To die? Was that why he dared to take on the mission of freeing him from his former prison? Alone, none the less?

Could that be the truth? Was that why Jounouchi still kept by his side?

If he wanted death, craved it so dearly…then he could give it to him. When the time was right. Now it was not. He, despite his strong reluctance for such a notion, needed him. Jounouchi knew this world. How it worked, and the unspoken laws between people. Where to find shelter and where to find provisions. And Alpha needed that knowledge. Those mechanics called cars for example. He did not know how to handle such a thing. They seemed commonly used in this place. In this world of freedom.

"This is our floor." Jounouchi said with detectable unease as they stepped out of the slightly dirty elevator with stained windows to accompany the tainted vision. The surroundings seemed old and the smell, for there was a smell strange to his nostrils, subtly detectable. As they stepped out in a hallway with identical doors he noticed that the only thing separating them from one another were the numbers. Jounouchi led him to one that carried the silver numbers 111. He placed it carefully within his memory, from the same repetition of numbers to the ever so small creaks surrounding the wall around it, to the words of Hiroto Honda placed upon the door.

"I live here." he gestured uncomfortably, without making any effort in opening it. Blue eyes widened at the received information.

"Are you stupid? Then they'll find us here." Kaiba reprimanded, leaving Jounouchi to smirk proudly, as if he had a secret card hidden under his ragged sleeve.

"Relax." he opted to act friendly, despite the former unease. All he had to do was avoid confronting the mishaps of his perfect plan that had crumbled to pieces inside of him. He had found Kaiba, and his mission was completed. There was no reason he should not feel drunk with joy. "I'm not really nationally registered here. As far as records go, I still live on the other side of town." in his father's apartment. Because it costs an unnecessary amount of money to change address anyhow.

And that he kept telling himself while wearing that self-assured smirk plastered on his lips.

"Interesting." Alpha remarked, slightly relaxed. "But they'll find us still. Just a matter of time." the brunet insisted, causing Jounouchi's goodwill to fall from its amicable peak. This distrust was as annoying as ever. If anyone had any right to distrust, it was he who should distrust Kaiba. Brown eyes proceeded to narrow as his posture changed into a defensive one. His arms tensed as his shoulders rose just by a little bit. Kaiba did not fail to notice. Always taking in, collecting sights. Always seeing him.

"Then why aren't you running away?" Jounouchi dared with a slight cock of his head. Challenging the other man in his own way. A part of him, deeply buried, wished the other to respond in a way he now can only recollect of and wish it to be the truth once more.

"My motives are none of your concern." he dismissed easily. Jounouchi did not know whether to be angry of being discarded, or happy because it really did seem like that old Kaiba he once knew and despised.

Was it truly that pathetic of him to hold onto better times? When the world was not as tainted and still able to be saved. Broken, yes. But not shattered. Was it wrong to not focus on the present, as he lived in a time where everything seemed so bleak, so his train of thought travelled through the past instead? Life had lost its spark, and his backup system had to take over in order to survive. It was not right, not fair, for things to be this way.

But maybe he could forget all of that right now. The hero of the day. He saved the princess, so to speak, kicked the dragon's ass, and now they were safe and sound without his armour being tainted. He did good. Really good. All on his own. A true sign of strength. It must be.

But the dragon was not dead, and the princess was still its prey. He ignored those facts.

"Man, you look like a mess. We better get you into some good-looking clothes, or people are going to think you escaped a mental hospital or something. I'm telling you, you can't walk around wearing that in a supermarket or whatever." he joked sincerely, finding the situation amusing when erasing the horrible truths. That smile of his daring to show itself as Kaiba decided to let his eyes wander over his nauseatingly white clothes in a try to understand the comment. Blood was on his shirt, and in order to conceal, Jounouchi had given Kaiba his jacket. That way they escaped multiple glances and suspicion. But the sickly white was still evident.

Jounouchi hated those clothes. Hated that colour. Maybe they could burn them. To create a fire of celebration. The smoke would cleanse his mind and smell so comforting.

"Perhaps you are right." Kaiba agreed absentmindedly, all to the blond man's elation. To Jounouchi, Kaiba seemed normal now. Not yet truly fitting the norm of people, but he never did before either. There was no killing intent left in his eyes. Harmless, blue orbs.

So the blond continued his conversation. Growing more positive as the seconds passed before him.

"We got to get that collar off of you too. I mean, there's no one who's about to press that button around here. It's safe to remove it, right?" he asked as his hands reached up to the brunet's throat while taking a step closer. Blue eyes reacted, noting the decrease of distance. The possible threat of harm becoming upon him due to technical mishaps the device could undoubtedly cause. His hands instantly moved in reflex. Taking a steady hold on the blond man's hands, his pale long fingers encircled the rougher ones.

"I wouldn't know." the brunet declared, hidden bitterness within. Jounouchi remained stunned for a moment before retreating. Simultaneously, his hands were released from the brunet's hold. But Kaiba's icy eyes never thawed.

"Right. Sorry." he told apologetically. This time in his life not even bothering to accompany the words with a false smile. Like it would matter to Kaiba anyway. One of his hands reached down his pockets instead, retracting the key residing there. "Guess we better get inside, huh?" he asked as a hint of a curve on his lips made itself visible while his head turned to the brunet. Kaiba did not reply, focused on the key.

As there existed no words, no future actions or anything of the sorts between the two of them, Jounouchi sighed heavily before turning the key and opening the door. Its' creaking being the all familiar one he heard every time he opened and closed it. A call of welcome home.

By the doormat inside he suddenly noticed a larger amount of pairs of shoes than it usually was. Two pairs extra. One being female sneakers and one male ones. And as the front door was opened, scurried footsteps rushed over to hallway in reaction. Ready and anxious to meet the person there. When seeing the arrived man, the footsteps came to a quick halt at the doorway. Staring in astonishment.

"Jounouchi…" a familiar voice acknowledged. As if out of breath. Staring at him so intently while other footsteps came closer. Soon two more figures stood beside him, all staring at the newcomers. And they all registered the presence of the missing Kaiba, perplexed and astonished.

"Honda, -" Jounouchi began, but was soon cut off from his start of redeeming words. The addressed man, now too blind by rage, ignored the guest, focusing only on his objective.

"You goddamn idiot!" Honda roared, ripping himself from his group only to charge blindly and slightly uncharacteristically at his best friend. Jounouchi, shocked and yet not, stood still in anticipation, preparing himself with muscles tense in reflex. Only to be caught off guard by the unusual amount of power exercised on him. Honda's hands tightly held onto Jounouchi's collar as he pressed him to the wall roughly and absent of mercy.

Alpha, who was left ignored, merely stood and watched over the blond man. There was no impulse inside of him telling him to charge in, to help or to feel pity. His eyes then wandered to the two other people in the hallway, who both rushed to the two men, forced to ignore his presence in favour of their acquaintance. Blue eyes slightly narrowed then, taking in the peculiar scene.

Neither of the four people could be bothered to care about the blue eyes staring at them. Evaluating them. No, all were focused on Honda, who proceeded to slam his friend one more time into the hard wall as Jounouchi tried to rip the charging hands off of him. All while the chorus of their two mutual friends tried to stop him, to no avail.

Jounouchi couldn't focus on the voices of Yuugi and Anzu though, as they helplessly tried to tear Honda off of him. Instead Jounouchi only released the hold of the hands around his collar. Not bidding them to stop any longer as he now looked into his old, trusted friend's familiar eyes. Frustration was clear in them. Anger was practically boiling over his already red face, and Jounouchi could do nothing about it. Nothing but deciding to weakly smile towards the man who's face seem devoid of forgiveness.

He knew it wasn't so.

"I… I did good, Honda. I found him." Jounouchi explained. Justified the wrong. Erased the hurt. Honda's eyes widened upon hearing it, staring a few seconds into Jounouchi's brown and comforting eyes. "I did good for once." he whispered, a smile of sorrow adorning him. And the hands could not help but loosen their hold. Enabling him to fall to his feet and taste the oxygen more clearly.

Yuugi, a man rather short for being called a man, instantly placed himself by his side. Holding him up despite how unnecessary it may be. Because Jounouchi had plenty of strength to stand on his own. Yet he allowed him to have that imaginary moment of helping a friend.

"You big idiot." Honda scolded as he mumbled. But the harshness had dissipated, and his lips almost playfully twitch upwards. Jounouchi smiled back then. Just to encourage the other to do the same.

"Nice to see you too." he greeted jokingly, a twinkle in his eye. And his friend could not resist. A full smile formed as Honda shook his head as if knowing better.

"For fuck's sake, I thought you were either dead or playing with me." he revealed as his hand ran down his red face while a laugh escaped his lips. Causing a Domino effect on the rest of his comrades.

And for now peace roamed his world once more while in his oblivious state.

**XxxX**

"He…he can't remember anything." Jounouchi told with a hushed voice to his friends over the kitchen table. Trying not to be too loud in case the brunet would overhear. Concerned frowns were visible among all his friends, appropriate for the situation but sincere nonetheless. Such an unusual grave sight among an otherwise happy and joy-stricken group. "Not a thing." he told, defeated.

"There must be something we can do!" Anzu encouraged, noticing the lack of spirit. "It could be psychological. Like post-traumatic stress. I mean, being locked up for two years! Who'd want to remember?" she told with a smile. "I'm sure it's nothing dangerous, Jou."

"Maybe he just suffers from amnesia?" Honda tried, his brow knitted in deep concentration. Not as interested in making Jounouchi feel better rather than wanting explanations. And after finding out the betrayal of his boss, he did not feel like giving pep-talks. "Like, hit in the head or something. Car crash?"

"That's good, right? Amnesia isn't incurable, right?" the hopeful tone painted the words.

"Wouldn't know, Yuugi. I'm a cop, not a doc."

"There's…something I haven't told you guys yet." Jounouchi admitted with struggle in his voice, elbows resting on the table as his hands held up his head. "Kaiba…he…" the man began, eyes defied to look at his friends. No more came out of the mouth. His tongue tied, terrified by his memories. Sympathetic eyes focused on his defeated form, waiting patiently until one decided no more was necessary.

"Is this about the blood on his clothes?" Anzu asked with calamity and an almost motherly voice as her eyes stared at his slumped body that shamelessly avoided their gazes.

"Yeah…"

"Then it's okay." she told, releasing him from inner struggles. Loading off his burden from strained shoulders. "You don't need to tell us if you don't want to. Because you brought him here. You trust him enough not to do anything stupid. So we trust him too." the brunette declared with maturity, earning approving nods from the two others.

And Jounouchi felt even more lost than before.

Brought him because he trust him? He brought Kaiba here because…because there was no other way. They needed security. There was no other place. Because Kaiba was his responsibility now, and…and…he never thought he'd risk his friends' lives by doing so.

How could he be so reckless?

"Yuugi, Anzu, just…just don't sleep over tonight. I mean, I think Kaiba wouldn't really feel comfortable with me and Honda here too. You know?" Honda could fight at least. Protect himself, if ever necessary. The other two, they could not.

Smiles were sent his way. Smiles he did not deserve. Because he carried such sin and recklessness. Kaiba was his responsibility now. His burden. His precious burden. So very precious and maddening.

**XxxX**

"-the political bombings in Ethiopia continue. UN are trying to negotiate a-" the news reporter continued on in a monotone voice, yet with that creased brow that was supposed to signal that he cared. Though his words were not listened to by the majority of the current residents. All their eyes were on the brunet sitting on the couch so intensely casual. Brought back to life, after being gone for two years. Surreal could not begin to describe it.

"So you really, really don't remember?" Anzu, the only female member of Jounouchi's loyal pack of friends asked carefully. Not trying to reopen old wounds of personal terror as she gingerly fingered over her cup of coffee. Kaiba nodded, more interested in the television than the strangers' prying questions. Their eyes never met.

"But Kaiba, maybe if you concentrate, you'll remember. Look at me for a second. Don't you remember? You used to hold the deepest grudge against for quite some time." Yuugi told, chuckling at the memory to brighten mood. The indifferent eyes of the former CEO reached the violet ones as he turned his head, looked, and then turned it back to the screen.

"No." he irritably told.

"Look guys, maybe he just needs some sleep so he won't be so pissy." Jounouchi tried, noticing that they were getting nowhere. And he also noticed that Kaiba made sure they did not get anywhere, deliberately trying to ignore them all. His friends did not deserve this. "Come Kaiba, I'll show you to your room." he told, gesturing with a lazy arm movement that the other was to follow. His friends nodded in unison, agreeing this would be the best decision.

"It's probably for the best, he could use some sleep in a safe place." Yuugi told as he grew filled with concern. "I can only imagine what they did to you, Kaiba…" he told carefully. Almost in a whisper of reverence. The brunet turned his head to look at the man with hair so illogical, containing different colours. A rude snort escaped him before he rose up, attempting to follow the blond. The three remaining people were left stunned, before weak Goodnight's filled up the emptiness.

"-local news. Yet another homeless man has been found murdered. The man was found with a clear cut to his temple, which lead to instant death. No sign of DNA nor fingerprints have been found, as with the other homeless victims. The police still deny the notion of all the discovered bodies of homeless people being targeted by the same person. They claim it to be different acts of youngsters wanting to -"

"God, another one." Anzu bemoaned as all their eyes were glazed on the screen. Their minds filled with too many things about the return of a man thought of as dead, their reactions came automatically.

"I can't believe someone would actually do these things to defenceless people." Yuugi told, silently feeling sorry for all the nameless victims.

"Well, at least this one wasn't tortured." Honda shrugged off, not particularly interested in matters that had nothing to do with himself. "Just change the channel, will you? It's depressing to watch the news."

"Agreed."

And so they ignored the truth.

**XxxX**

This world was imperfect. Tainted, flawed and so unsatisfactory. All these people shown on the television flaunting such never-ending pain. So many imperfect, worthless bodies polluting the world. Useless existences. If one does not fight for their existence, why should they live to begin with?

"Are you certain they speak the truth?" he rightfully inquired in the echoing, barren room. For all he knew, this world could be filled of lies such as his previous one. Being gullible was not a priority. The blond man jerked up his head, caught surprised by the sudden interaction before going back to what he was occupied with.

"You talking about the news again? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they do. They're supposed to. So the rest of us, who aren't in the middle of world crisis, know what's going on." Jounouchi explained without much interest, nor feeling, as he kneeled on the floor. Carefully and slowly preparing a blue mattress, a blue pillow and a slightly stained red blanket. Apparently Alpha was not allowed to have a white, clean one. His blue eyes observed as his mind wandered, now that he was temporarily safe and able to have to have the luxury to think of pettier things rather than survival. He spoke once more, his eyes intense.

"Jounouchi…" he began with the smallest of hesitation, drawing forth eye contact with a slow, steady tone.

"Yeah?"

"…Tell me about Mokuba." the brunet requested, his gaze serious and voice filled with subtle interest. Brown eyes widened, as if struck by lightning. Hope grew within. Hope of a found memory. To correct all things wrong.

And so the words floated out of his mouth without any sort of categorisation. Dished out in the order he remembered and far from chronological. Stories, memories, vague hints and strong ones he had witnessed were narrated with outmost enthusiasm. He wanted to tell Kaiba everything. Of all the bad and the good now that his ears wished, and were willing, to listen. So then he could not stop himself.

He told Kaiba about how concerned Mokuba once had been, worried over his older brother so much he was in tears and begged for help. He told Kaiba of the lengths he had gone through to keep Mokuba from harm. He told him of how the two brothers behaved with one another, and justifiably comparing it to the abnormally cruel treatment he received, making sure to send hard glares at the other man.

He told him of how much Mokuba would always look up to him, even if he failed to deserve it, but in a way deserved it completely as well. He told him everything he knew, everything he thought he knew, and everything he felt when concerning Mokuba, Kaiba's brother role, and the two brothers as a whole.

And in the end…he found out that he did not know that much at all.

"He was so important to you Kaiba… It's hard to think you've forgotten him…" he ended quietly. Disappointed he was unable to provide anymore than an outsider's observation. For he had always been on the outside looking in when it came to the two of them. Kaiba never acknowledged his group as something to be with on a friendly term, and Mokuba…he was his friend. But he still did not know that much about him as a person. And that was depressing, because he would never get a chance to erase that mistake anymore.

The brunet who had patiently listened appeared as if he was evaluating it all, processing the thoughts. Perhaps remembering. Could he really?

"Do you remember anything?" he asked with masked optimism, not wanting to put too much pressure. Or, if he did remember, did not want to be scolded too harshly by the return of the ever cruel Kaiba. His acting was never a strong point, notice despite efforts.

"Was I supposed to?" failure. He did not succeed in retrieving Kaiba's lost memories. Would he ever? What more was there? Was there anything?

"Wait!" he exclaimed proudly and without notice, a grin forming before he hurriedly dashed out of the room, leaving the brunet left to wonder in silence. It did not take long before his anticipated return came, in which he held a small cardboard box. It was carelessly thrown on the futon. "Here! Look!" he told as he spread out all the small cut out pieces of magazines and the likes that existed inside it, before finally picking out one of them.

"Look, Kaiba! This, you hopeless uncaring bastard, is Mokuba!" he declared with an eminent satisfied smile on his lips alongside with familiar taunt. His hand practically shoved the cut out piece from a newspaper into Kaiba's unprepared face. A careful pale hand reached out, taking the picture steadily. He looked at it with the smallest of visible interest. Staring, seeing, noticing. There was a boy. A young boy with long, sloppy and untidy black hair visible on it. He was smiling proudly, eyes slightly narrowed and pose evidently confident. Beside him stood a taller man. A man… A man that looked like he himself.

"It's you standing with him." Jounouchi clarified as he leaned backwards, stabilising himself with his palms behind his back on the floor after noticing the troubled furrow on the brunet's otherwise smooth face. "It was taken after you had had some press conference or something." he informed so there would be no leftover pieces. No important clues missing. No nothing.

However, the picture was dropped nonchalantly, and a blank stare was all he met.

"You seem to expect some reaction from me. Memories, to be more precise." Alpha stated while presenting the truth so coldly. "I however have no interest in meeting your demands, Jounouchi." he clarified. Jounouchi frowned deeply, his relaxed posture missing as he leaned forward, gazes growing closer.

"But you wanted to know! I thought -" he began, displeased, irritated, angry and sense of betrayal lurking inside. This was supposed to be the one thing Kaiba would never turn his back on. How could leave it so easily?

"I wished to know of Mokuba, because it has always perplexed me. Now I know, and I am grateful. But don't expect me to behave as you wish."

"He's your brother! He'd die for you! You can't just throw his existence away like that!" Jounouchi argued fiercely, enraged by these inhuman thoughts displayed.

"He's already dead. Like it matters." Kaiba retorted and Jounouchi could not speak. Could not comprehend how indifferent he could be now to the one person who he would gladly throw away his life for before. How much had they changed him?! How much **could** they change him?! Maybe Kaiba even accommodated to their rules, their everything…could he have wanted to forget Mokuba purposely?

Brown eyes turned cold, no comforting life in them. For he saw it now. The emotionless monster named Alpha. No piece left of Kaiba Seto. None at all.

Because the good in Kaiba had died along with Mokuba.

"Alright, the bed is all fixed up. You'll sleep here tonight." he announced forcedly before putting his hands on his lap and standing up. Alpha merely observed the small settlement Jounouchi had prepared for him, sitting beside it in quiet, sombre contemplation. Looking at all the pieces of his past still scrambled over it, left for him to collect. A conscious move Jounouchi made, he was sure. But there existed other problems as well.

Would this world be any better than his previous one where he was surrounded by isolating walls? This place seemed occupied with these itching flaws. Foolish people making foolish mistakes. Such unnecessary battles fought around the world. For he knew they were all unnecessary. They had told him it was, back at where they supposedly rehabilitated him. Back with lies mended into white truth. That if people only listened to those in command, worthless conflicts could be discouraged and never to happen. Despite his premise with them, that train of thought did contain logic. Did people rebel because their authorities were incompetent? How could they be allowed to be so, when worthless things escaped from it?

Would such an unnecessary and inane conflict stumble upon his road to a sanctuary? How bothersome that would be…

"Kaiba," the blond man, who had yet to leave, mumbled. Something was still keeping him there, despite his thought of train and lack of compassion to the other man. For in the end, he could not condemn the man he risked his life for so mindlessly.

His knees soon gently connected to the blanket before him, sitting down once more. Forcing the quiet brunet to see. Too listen. "We seriously need to get you off that collar-thing." Jounouchi urged once more, as he had done a few times already. Alpha did not know what for and how come this harboured such significance. But that did not matter. He could not trust Jounouchi. And he could not trust anyone operating with his one weakness; the device attached around his throat. He knew of its vicious effects and would not be made a victim. He was in charge, no one else.

"No." he defied once more for reasons clear to the blond man. He who persisted still, even when darkness had fallen over the city as a comforting blanket to put everyone to sleep. Alpha had never seen such a thing before and found it oddly unsettling. But he was aware that his body was growing tired, yearning for sleep. And the existence of Jounouchi interfered with that. He could not trust the other man not to harm him when unconsciousness befell his being. Even if his reflexes were trained, and his sleep never grew heavy, making him ready for any attack possible, he could not trust.

"I told you, I won't hurt you." lies. Of course someone who aimed to harm him would say such a thing.

"I don't trust you." Alpha cleared with the other man to make him see. Jounouchi's brow creased.

"Like I care about that. Look, we need to get it off. People don't wear things like that here. You stand out too much." they needed to blend in until he had found a safe place to declare Kaiba's existence. Not stand out once outside, waiting for corrupted police to come.

"It can be hidden with some type of clothing." he dismissed. When outside in the world today, he had made sure to observe the clothing and attires of people. Some had shirts that covered their necks as well. And some a piece of textile around their throats. It was perfect.

"Why don't you want to take it off? It's not a body part or something! Come on, you can hurt me all you want if I try to kill you." Jounouchi urged irritated, causing the brunet to doubt his intentions even more.

"Rather pointless, if you have already killed me by then." came his dry reply along with accusing eyes.

"Try taking it off yourself then. I mean, we have no remotes here." he suggested with a fake stance of indifference. But Alpha knew he thought of it as otherwise. Why else would he constantly push the notion of removing it? So he merely stared defiantly into brown, now furiously irritated, eyes. "What if it'd break and hurt you?" Jounouchi tried, narrowing his smug eyes. No response. "What if it's some kind of tracking device in it, and they find us? They're going to kick my ass then, you know." he tried. His tactic now being to joke in an escape to release pressure of annoyance. Jounouchi did this quite often, Alpha noticed.

"Why do you persist so intently?"

"Because nothing good can come of keeping that thing." the man mumbled with resentment.

"What if it detonates when I remove it? What if it goes haywire?" Alpha verbally counterattacked Jounouchi's what-if scenarios, causing the other to be left reluctantly speechless. "Do you truly believe they would create this mechanic, only to be easily removed?"

"I…" Jounouchi began, his head bending down and eyes cast aside. Perhaps in realisation of his mistake in being too hasty in such a delicate matter.

In the background he could hear a steady ticking sound escaping a clock. The sound overtook the lack of vocals, and Alpha was left to merely stare at the man in front of him. Pondering over how useful Jounouchi could be. There was no doubt; if anyone were to be used among those he had encountered, it was Jounouchi. Only he had proven himself not to give up.

Only he came to save him.

The rest could be disposed.

"How many people know about my staying here?" he questioned calmly. He had to find a way to survive without being a slave, before time had run out like sand seeping through his fingers with elegant ease.

"Huh?"

"How many?"

"Just the two of us, and the gang."

"No one else?" three outsiders, then. But…was Jounouchi truly essential to start with?

"No." Jounouchi answered easily. "But tomorrow we have to go and set things straight, Kaiba. We can't be hiding forever, because I'm pretty damn sure they'll find us soon."

"I am well aware." he had already thought of such a thing. A plan, although flawed, already breathed within him. Born and healthy, it would grow more perfect when he knew more properly of how this world worked. He carried questions within. Still of Mokuba and his missing life for the answers were not satisfactory. Did not obtain a satisfactory impression of truth. But all this had to wait until he was certain he could survive.

"We have to tell someone, and spread the word. Those people can't get away with what they did!"

"…What?"

"We need to get them, Kaiba! They have to be punished for what they did!" how? Why? They had the remote. All remotes. He was defenceless against them. But he could outsmart them. He could find a way to live a life without them. Disposing of them would be beneficial, but he lacked resources. Lacked a body that would not fall to the immobilizing electricity shooting through his limbs. For now, revenge was not an option.

"No." he calmly decided and watched as controlled breaths of rage slowly escaped and entered the blond man's nostrils.

"…Fine." Jounouchi muttered, settling with less when he opted for more. Tired of all the obstacles this life threw at him. Tired at Kaiba who was not Kaiba anymore. He rose up in a morose manner, movements ever so slightly slow. Hand on the door handle, back turned towards the brunet who failed to move, a last sign of conversation seeped through.

"…Does it hurt?" Jounouchi asked with slight discomfort, his eyes avoiding to look at the man he questioned.

"What are you referring to?"

"Back at the medical centre…he did something with you. Your collar…you were hurt." he mumbled, free hand clenched in his pocket and head directly staring at the wooden door. The attitude given back was that of reluctance.

"It's none of your concern." Kaiba shrugged off easily.

"…Right." why did he feel guilt about Kaiba's condition? Why did it all matter so much? His eyes then gained enough courage to stare at the other after expressing a sign of unwanted care. Staring at a shell. His eyes quickly reverted back.

And he knew, knew deep inside, that it was his own fault Kaiba was this way. He should have found him sooner. Should have worked harder. He never tried hard enough from the start, and so Kaiba had to suffer. Even though he had been right under his nose all this time. So glaringly obvious now when having all the answers had been reaped.

Kaiba was found now. But still just as lost. And that was maddening.

"Goodnight." Jounouchi mumbled before opening the door.

"Is goodnight a commonly used phrase?" the oblivious one asked, causing a faint crooked smile from the blond man. Amused over such a small and seemingly petty matter.

"Yeah." he said, looking out from the small open creak from the open door. "When you're about to go to bed, people say goodnight." he informed and Kaiba nodded, still not moving nor making any sign he was going to use the bed or pick up the many pictures and articles on it.

"Goodnight then." he told, causing the blond to nod, his back turned towards the brunet, before closing the door.

There was perhaps still hope.

**XxxX**

"Perhaps…our tabula rasa theory failed." Takashi contemplated as he stared at numerous files of Project: Child Prodigy. Eyes sombre, red and tired from exhaustion, he wished to erase his mistakes and cause a perfect outcome instead of this proven rebellion. Green eyes stared at him in turn with stoic features, waiting for him to continue. To unload his grief shared so rarely, as they sat together in an empty room in the midst of chaos taking over the entire staff knowing about the project's existence. His old eyes looked at her younger ones with a saddened smile. "Wouldn't you agree, Toshi?" he asked her with his usual calamity. She stared back in silence at first, no sign of contemplation nor a response, then succumbing.

"I don't understand what aspect you think you failed. He was given a clean slate. That was the wanted outcome of tabula rasa." she pointed out without much care in her tone, devoid of care, exasperation or any other sign of discomfort many of her co-workers were showing lucid signs of. He only continued to smile his grieving smile.

"His mind, and all his experiences, everything that made him to be who he was, were written on a paper, Toshi. We in turn were to erase the words and write new ones. But I fear that the previous words have already carved themselves into the paper, conflicting with the new ones. Wakai was right…it was I that failed." he confessed, drinking the last drops of coffee from his now lukewarm mug. It had been a long day that fermented such desperation within.

"With all due respect, sir -" she began as she stood up, ready to leave. "there was nothing you could have done beside all this." she stated matter-of-factly with a firm gaze.

"Was it the lack of a raison d'être then? Do you think giving one would have decreased the risk of him wanting to betray us?"

"…You appear to have given this much thought."

"I must correct my errors." he stated straightforwardly in turn.

"And you think a raison d'être would solve the problem?" she questioned with slight interest.

"Yes…" he mumbled, the usual confident side of him growing stronger after time to think and resolve the outcomes of different states. "Yes, I do believe so. We should have created a new one for him. A goal or purpose more personal than a part of controlling the world." he shared eagerly, now too standing. "Tell Dr Wakai that we are to figure out a sort of raison d'être for half of the remaining subjects, and see where that lead us." he ordered, and she wrote it down on a clipboard in her hands.

"Understood." and so they parted ways, both with different objectives.

**XxxX**

"Sir, we have an identity on the man." one enthusiastic young man proudly announced, gripping tightly around a file to escort it safely into Dr Wakai's waiting palms. With no second of waste did the authority figure take it to read and inspect. And yes indeed, there was a match in the physical features. Such a moronic man. Already had a criminal record; arrested for repeated shoplifting and vandalizing in his earlier years, and expecting to not be found? It was ludicrous and almost worthy to sneer at, was it not for the fact that this young man actually had taken a very valuable asset.

"Jounouchi Katsuya, is it?" he mumbled, eyes staring intently at the self-proclaimed enemy. "And you have his address here as well." he added with a pleased tone, his heart's beatings slowing down for the moment, after all these tense hours of stress.

"Yes. He'll most likely go there at some point or another." the man that brought the file gave his hypothesis. The older man nodded.

"And if not, we'll find him soon enough." Wakai told, pleased, allowing himself a bite of a nearby apple now that his stomach was not in complete chaos anymore. Surely this Jounouchi failed the intellect to compete with them. "Have you given this information to the police? He is to be arrested, of course." then again, Alpha was with him. But for how long? Had they already parted? Would it make a difference finding Jounouchi, when Alpha could be long gone?

"Yes sir. Someone else is on it this very moment." Wakai listened carefully, chewing on a new bite of his sweet fruit.

"Good job, men. As long as Alpha remains hidden to the public eye, we don't need to fear." he declared. For at least nothing on the media had reported on the Kaiba case. And now their moles in the police force were to work on this as well. It was all in their favour.

But the time to breathe a sigh of relief had yet to fully come, he knew. They had not found him yet, and had they not found him, he could not be brought back. And there were risks that Alpha could suffer from…risks damaging him. It could not happen. They needed to find him before it was too late. He could not be returned damaged.

"I want as many men as possible on this lead! We need to find Alpha!" before it was too late. Oh, he knew. He knew as a doctor this failed to prove good. Takashi would not be pleased with these news he had managed to figure out the last hour.

But old friends can prove most forgiving.

**XxxX**

Darkness was such an abnormality to a man who's world had always been plagued by never-ending light. It was discomforting to sleep like this. Eyes wide open and he could barely distinguish the lines in the vacant room. And he should not sleep either. Because they could find him. Anytime. And he'd be such an easy pray, laying on the floor and trying to recharge his batteries.

No…it was time to move. Not to waste time.

Thusly he raised himself from the floor, carefully thinking over the necessities one needed to survive, and what he should and could bring along. Food, of course. And money as the second. His attained gun, the third. Protection, he had told Jounouchi it was for. And the man believed in him. Or so he lead him to believe.

Perhaps clothes as well? Where to find them? Should he bother? Staring down at his stained shirt of now dried blood's colour that had turned brown, he knew the answer, even though the shirt was barely visible to him. The need to blend in was a necessary survival tactic. He would not fall prey.

Going for the door, he stopped in contemplation, his mind wandering back to the newfound scrambled pieces of his past. Of pictures of Mokuba and articles about them. Hastily did he take the small cardboard box before stepping out the room to search for something to put all his items in. It could prove useful. Or interesting in the very least.

He did not turn on the light however. It would attract attention. That was unneeded. This was to be done in secrecy. So with light feet did he wander to the kitchen, propping a newly found and now empty bag with it's many choices freely offered to him. In search of money, which was harder to locate, he did notice a few of its kind hidden in a kitchen drawer. But would it be enough? It looked to be a small amount…

Nevertheless, he took it.

As for clothes, it proved there was hardly any laying around in obvious places. Peril existed to gain the wanted item, but he always had secondary ideas if the primary would fail. Taking a risk, he weightlessly stepped into the bedroom of the man named Honda, casually walking inside. That man's size seemed to fit him far more than that of Jounouchi, who was considerably shorter.

Should he kill Honda? Dispose of him? Jounouchi as well? He especially knew too much, after all.

Then again, they exposed no threat. And if they were found, which they would be, they would not know any of his whereabouts. Not anything. And thus it would not matter. If they wasted time on interrogating Jounouchi and Honda, then he could move a step forward in the game of survival. It was always beneficial to think ahead of the enemy.

Taking a few items of clothing and placing them in the bag soundlessly, he closed the door behind him and continued the search for money. He needed plenty more, as he had no idea of how to earn any, leaving his hands to roam drawers in the hallway.

"What are you doing, you annoying prick?" a tired voice asked suspiciously, causing the brunet to freeze. Purposely did he drop his bag and turned around, eyes empty and vacant of regret nor pressure.

"I need money." he simply stated.

"Uhh, why?" Jounouchi asked confusedly. "What are you going to do with it anyway? It's in the middle of the night, Einstein!" the man who could not fall asleep informed with an annoyed growl.

"I'm leaving, Jounouchi." he confessed matter-of-factly. There existed no sufficient lie or other escape as substitute. And the truth was not harmful. If Jounouchi proved hazardous, he could dispose of him. He would be easy to overpower, he was sure. "Give me money, or you'll be an obstacle."

"…Leaving?" the blond asked in shock, processing the words slowly with a disbelieving and sceptical look.

"Yes." the brunet replied unaffectedly. "They'll come soon, Jounouchi. If I were you, I'd be on the run as well."

"You can't go! We're going to announce everything to the media tomorrow! Everything will be okay, Kaiba! They won't get you ever again." the man urged almost passionately as he stepped forward as his hands clenched in frustration.

"I don't trust your system, Jounouchi." and he had no reason to, either. Slumped shoulders showed defeat.

"But… you haven't seen Mokuba yet." he objected. Kaiba's eyes paused for a second, contemplating.

"It's not worth losing everything over." he decided finally. An outcome he was not surprised to find himself thinking. Mokuba held no importance. Rather, no grave one, to be precise.

"How can you say that! He was everything to you!" Jounouchi hissed at the man with no shame.

"The past is the past, Jounouchi." he told in a quietly serious tone. "It doesn't matter anymore. Now, will you give me any economic supply or not?"

Of course, Jounouchi would not. He refused, disobediently sitting on a nearby chair to visualize his protest. The brunet merely snorted as he continued his search. Much to Jounouchi's dismay, the brunet did not return empty-handed.

"Get your greedy paws off of that, I earned that money fair and square!" he hissed while trying to be quiet. There was no need for Honda to wake up and get engaged in his problems once more. This was his load of work, not anyone else's, and he should have deduced that sooner.

"You can earn more." the brunet dismissed, packing it with the rest of his gained items. And in the end, Jounouchi failed to properly struggle against his choice. That did not mean he stopped doing so however.

"So can you! You used to be really rich, Kaiba. I'm talking filthy rich here! You practically owned the world!" he told enthusiastically, hoping to convert the other into his belief with inflated words.

"…The world?"

"Exaggeration, alright. But you were really powerful! And you had lots of money! If we show you to the media, you'll get it all back, Kaiba. You'll have so much money, it wouldn't even fit in this apartment!"

"And look where it all lead me to." he told, eyes connected with the blonde's now disappointed brown ones. Silence rang soundly in Jounouchi's ears. It was deafening, scolding him joyously. And then the brunet began to move, taking the obviously full bag to the door.

"I can't stop you, can I?" the blond man asked with a sad smile as he casually leaned against the wall, watching the other prepare for departure. A part of him knew he could not stop Kaiba while the other wished to fight. But Kaiba seemed so far gone by now compared to before, and all he wanted was a good life instead of this complicated perplexity.

"No. I'll kill you if you try." Alpha told calmly as stolen shoes were put on. He could not let them get him again. Never again.

"Kaiba…" Jounouchi sighed out, his will tamed. "I just want you to know…it doesn't have to be like this. If you'd only listen, I could give you your old life back. You could be truly free again." he spoke of a promised sanctuary so easily, blue eyes remained sceptic. "You don't have to run." he told softly.

"I have listened to you, Jounouchi. But your plan relies too much on external help." he declared, his feet protected by shoes required by sin, and his upper body now encircled by a jacket. Most likely Honda's, judging by the size.

Kaiba was not aiming for laughter when he threatened to kill him. And he was not joking when he said he would leave. He was so sharply sincere it stung severely due to the accompanied realization.

Would he see him again? Would there ever be a repair to this broken route? A silent goodbye, eyes casually meeting and then the blue ones disappearing behind the now closed front door. Off to who knows where.

Gone.

But he could not let him do so, now could he? He had made a promise…yes, a promise. That promise that made him go this far.

He couldn't be a screw-up all his life. Not when someone else depended on him not to be so. And with such a quick speed attained, he practically flew into his bedroom, ripping off his bed-time clothes and putting on normal ones. And he shoved other pieces of clothing into a bag, much like the brunet had done, while taking money from his secret stash and wallet.

Out the door, but not forever gone. Kaiba was solely his responsibility now. Kaiba was too dangerous to people who crossed his path. Kaiba was…lost.

Reminded that time was running out, for Kaiba could be long gone if he did not hurry, he quickly wrote Honda a goodbye note, but clearly pointed out it was not farewell, which he left in the refrigerator; the first place one properly look at in the morning.

Then he ran. Ran so fast down the stairs, because the elevator was not quick enough, and then he dashed out off the building. Each step took an eternity, and each breath never filled his lungs fully. The coldness of the night was not apparent to his swiftly moving self, uncaring of physical changes.

And Lady Luck still seemed to be on his side whenever truly yearned for, because he needn't run long to find Kaiba. Seeing the familiar back walking calmly down the desolate street, his legs found themselves moving quicker with the goal in plain sight. Bellowing out his name over the empty street in the middle of the night, the other man turned around. Questioning Jounouchi's motives by a mere expression and awaiting the other to stand before him. Jounouchi's pace never faltered, needing to catch up as quickly as possible.

"I…I…" Jounouchi said, panting, as he reached Kaiba and stood before the taller man slightly hunched. Trying to catch his breath "I can't let you leave again, Kaiba." he told, his breaths growing more regular and steady as his posture slowly straightened. Eyes confidently staring precisely into blue. "Wherever you go, I go too." he declared, head proudly turned upwards as his chest moved visibly up and down with each breath attained. Examining looks were given him, the brunet not certain what to think.

"…Why? What's in it for you?" the suspicious man questioned calmly with narrowed eyes that did not discourage the other, but the opposite.

"I'm going to make things right, Kaiba. I'll…I'll make you remember. And I know you probably don't want that. But I'll be useful! I'll teach you how everything works. How people work. Everything, Kaiba. Anything you want." he stated, caught up in his own paradise of completed dreams. A slight frown was on the taller man due to these declarations.

"But I don't trust you." Kaiba merely discarded emotionlessly. Jounouchi made a lopsided smile, much too pumped with delirious joy over a newfound solution to be deterred.

If he left with Kaiba, then no one else had to be hurt again. His friends would be free of suspicion, and Kaiba could never have any chance to hurt them. His problem alone, and he would fix it.

"And I don't trust you." the blond replied back with a valiant tone. A hint of a smirk appeared on the brunet when hearing it, satisfied with the non-committal outcome. Casually he turned around and began walking away.

"Perfect symbiosis then." he mentioned smoothly as the blond man scolded him for leaving without notice. Sprinting the short distance to catch up and walk beside him. Where he now belonged. And as he walked calmly beside the tall posture, his gaze looked behind them. Lingering on his previous home. But he would come back. He'd never leave forever.

Yet he did not know what he was getting himself into. Kaiba had proven unreliable, dangerous and disturbingly emotionless. But he was still human. And these feelings inside the brunet weren't his fault. They had brainwashed Kaiba, most likely. And it was all his own fault that he had allowed it to take such time before finding him. But he would fix it. He'd find a way. He had to. Because the graveyard still missed his presence, and his promise was not fulfilled. He would make Kaiba **want** to return to Mokuba. That he would. For Mokuba did not deserve reluctance after all this time.

And Kaiba only smirked with content inwardly. For Jounouchi was gullible enough to be used. And when he would not need him anymore, when Jounouchi would have to leave him due to inefficiency, there would be only one option left; to dispose of his existence. Because Jounouchi would know too much by then. And leaving people with too much information was a dangerous move.

Until then, he was the perfect pawn in a greater game. And he would use him with brilliancy.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

Words: 13 590  
Ehehehe...oops?

Alright, I've been fretting over this chapter so much, I have pretty much grown numb to it now as it is imperfect and does not satisfy what I wished to accomplish. However, it moved the story forward tremendously which I am pleased over. I am also well aware over my fast pace in this story (it is intentional) but if I move _too_ fast, tell me. And just so you readers know; I plan on editing the number of days it took for Jounouchi to figure out it was the Medical Centre. As reviewers pointed it; it was far too quick and I agree. So now we shall all assume it took somewhat longer, no?

And I am really grateful for all the reviews! (I have review replied but the site is screwing up (again!) so I don't know if they have been reached or not. But I have, as always! Promise.). It's always a tremendous help on the way to see them when one lacks inspiration, and it makes me want to write (since people are actually waiting for me to stop being lazy hehe)

Ah well, I have talked too much! Ta-ta!


	6. Absent Normality

**Warning:** Second shortest chapter so far, spelling and grammar mistakes crawling around and a bunch of things you should already be used to by now.

**Note:** I'm such a slow updater, I know. But it's so hard to work with a solid plot, because I have never done it before in such a way. I'm a newbie, what can I say :P Please be patient with me, and I'll strive for perfection.

**Recap:** Kaiba killed (?) the police chief with an almighty pen, Jounouchi went schizophrenic all through the chapter, never containing a solid train of thought, and then the two to-be lovers scurried off in the dead of the night, escaping together.

* * *

**Raison d'être**  
Chapter 6

by Growing Pain

* * *

A loud yawn escaped his widely parted lips as lazy scratches soothed his irritated scalp, causing a further mess of his already tangled hair. Acting according to routine, the man rose up from his bed, attaching a pair of trousers to his almost naked legs before stepping out of his personal sanctuary. And as always, the brunet walked past the living room, easily turning on the television with the remote control before continuing his walk into the kitchen in this quiet place. 

One hand scratched the neck as the other massaged his tired eyes in order to awake. A second yawn then escaped his dry lips while his slouched body drew closer to the refrigerator.

It all screamed of such normality as the absence of it failed to shine so obviously.

Opening the refrigerator's door, as he had done countless times before, an odd item made itself known to his now alerted eyes, stealing his attention instantly. The guilty white laid peacefully still.

"What the…" the man mumbled, senses awakening as his mind grew curious. A piece of paper with the words "To Honda" sloppily written on it was visible. The man instantly snatched it out of the cold temperature to hold in his warm hand, staring at it in disbelief yet not daring to unfold. Already recognizing the handwriting, as well as the act, instincts and personal knowledge took over. He had encountered this scenario all too often.

And it almost always meant the same thing.

Worry began to fill him shamelessly. And without much mental consultation, he begun to sprint to his roommate's bedroom, dreading what he hoped would not be reality. Practically ripping open the door when having arrived, he was met by the sight of unwanted revelations.

It was empty.

And now he was truly awake.

"No…" he murmured to himself, the still air the only one to receive his hollow word. Temporarily frozen, he could only stare before thinking of a second option as frustration slowly set out to cloud his mind. Quickly he dashed to the room Kaiba had inhabited, and hopefully still was. But the door to it was already open, revealing a deserted mattress to his approaching form. He could only stare in disbelief caused by shock.

Shunning the truth that attacked his vision, he shook his head as he stepped backwards, eyes steady on the void that now was his apartment. For it couldn't be so. No…it could not.

…But why else would everything be so deserted?

All too quickly did he unfold the small paper in his hand in hope of finding his theory proven wrong. Strained eyes started all too quickly to scan over the words that were obviously written in a haste.

Being right had never felt so regrettable before.

"Hi. If you're reading this, that means I'm not here. I've got to make this short, so: I'm running away with Kaiba (as strange as that sounds). There's some pretty bad people that want him, and if we stay he'll get captured again. But I'll come back, so don't come looking for me. This is my responsibility.  
- Jou

PS! Get rid of this note as fast as you can, or the police might find it or something. Oh, and don't trust them! I don't know who else might be involved. And if I take a long time coming back, tell Shizuka I, you know.

Take care."

Gone. Vanished from his life, left as a burning memory. And having left so carelessly as well, not bothering to consult with him first. The exclusion left a stinging slap on his face in realization.

Would he come back? Could he? Jounouchi wasn't supposed to do this. Not supposed to do this **himself**! They were friends! He would share every burden thrown his way, as Jounouchi would do the same for him! Why this sudden change? Why so intent on doing it alone when teamwork was what made them before?

Although interfering with his logic, a sense of betrayal could not help but lurk inside him, hidden in the depths he would never admit having. Discarded so easily…they all were. For what? Kaiba didn't matter! Their friendship did!

"Jou, you stupid, stupid idiot…!" he hissed out in a try to control his anger. To cause aversion of his feelings, one hand clenched around the paper as his nails dug into his skin while the other fist copied the action.

If only he had never taken on the case. If only… Then this mess would not exist.

"A special announcement has arrived from the Domino Police -" the news anchor proclaimed in the other room, only vaguely taking the man's interest as his mind held onto and discarded various actions he could be doing.

He had to find Jounouchi. This was dangerous. He could not let him go through with this. And especially not alone. How many times would he have to tell him it was dangerous before Jounouchi would get it through his thick skull?! Or more importantly, start to care.

"-Jounouchi Katsuya, age 23, is currently a suspect of the very shocking murder of the now deceased Domino Police Chief; Shimata Nobu." the man stated with the ever present creased brow. This time managing to contain a more serious and tense voice to illustrate the gravity he was to make people aware of. "Both fingerprints and hair samples have been discovered on the crime scene, leaving little for doubt -"

"…Jou?" the man's weak voice suddenly mumbled to no one, body frozen as the words forced themselves onto him, refusing him a moment of interim standstill. With reluctant feet did he wander to the living room, the TV screen suddenly feeling ominous and threatening as an enlarged picture of his friend appeared on it. All while painting him in the light of a criminal.

"-a gun is missing and the police suspect him to be armed with it. They ask the public to remain cautious if around him, and alert the police as soon as possible as he is capable of -"

It continued, these streams of manufactured truths, hiding behind the mask of justice and sincerity. He did not believe their convenient words.

Even so, he could only stand there, doing nothing in his useless state. He was angry. So insanely angry at his reckless friend that never fully bothered to think through any consequences. Always forcing him into these situations of worry that would give any other person a heart-attack. It was unfair to load this burden onto him. So reckless, so damned reckless and uncaring of what other people wanted or thought.

"Fucking idiot!" he snapped, closely followed by a roar that was anything but majestic, dressed in hurt and betrayal and all other things so very, very painfully caused by Jounouchi. And then his foot kicked the old couch which's colour had begun to fade, eyes hateful and unforgiving. Kicking and roaring and hitting and panting. A repeated cycle of failed attempts at trying to mask his inner feelings.

The chief was dead… **Dead**. And Jounouchi was the prime suspect. Probably the only suspect. And now everyone would feast in the news, trying to bring down his naïve friend by cutting at his ankles, bidding him not to run any further.

But Jounouchi better run now. And run fast. Because he could not run with him this time when the story was a more complex one than ever before. He had no real opportunity to run with him if he wished for a positive outcome to follow. Jounouchi sure had ensured that, not allowing him inside his thoughts.

He was not even sure if he would find them, wherever they were.

And if he would, that'd mean others could find them as well. By then, it would not matter.

"Why, Jou?" he mumbled through clenched teeth as his tense posture tried not to shake from all colliding emotions inside, now that he finally had found a way to keep somewhat calm. Hands so folded, his nails buried themselves inside warm skin for comfort in this all too serene morning. Still standing with his front towards the television that shamelessly continued onwards, the condemning words were etched into his memory.

Jounouchi's life was on the line. All for Kaiba. And they might get captured all too soon. He was sure that the presence of corrupted authorities failed to instil proper fear into his friend's heart. Otherwise he could not have left with him. Always too focused on helping. It was always so. Always. But this time, the stakes were unreasonably high for a man one does not care about.

"Why, Jounouchi?" he cried out. "Why do you always have someone to save?!"

The irony. Taking care of someone else made it so that Jounouchi couldn't fully take care of himself. Which was now the top priority. Keeping him safe.

And if he could not run with him, then he would stop those who would cut Jounouchi's ankles.

"Domino Police." the receiver told calmly on the other line.

"Officer Honda here." he spoke as deep breaths were produced, still not physically calm. Yet his mind was clear at last. "I have information regarding Jounouchi Katsuya, the suspect of the murder on Shimata." his thick voice announced as eyes glared at the television screen that had now changed its subject.

If he could not run with him…then he'd cut the hunters' ankles.

**XxxX**

His heart had stopped beating, a cold feeling spreading from his chest while his muscles tensed with undeniable power. His breathing was stilled and he could not focus, his fingers gripping tightly around the steering wheel until they dared to turn white, in order to keep them both on the road safely. The speed was lowered as the task was proven troublesome with all the scattered thoughts running vividly and mercilessly through his previously oblivious mind.

"-the police assumes him to be armed with the missing gun, and advice anyone that finds a man with this description to call the police immediately. Once again -" the radio informed with certainty to his unprotected ears.

Murderer. They saw him as a murderer. A cold-blooded killer.

His friends would hear this. His sister as well. Would they all believe these words? Accept it as truth? Would she? He never explained about the blood to them the previous day. And contacting them could be dangerous. They shouldn't get involved. It was better this way.

For he was wanted for murder. And the one who did it sat right beside him, probably no emotional reaction fostering inside his heart from this revelation. No feeling was sought from all this, for the concept seemed almost foreign to the other man.

But he would never accept that.

"…You lied." he accused darkly, head refusing to turn to look at the brown-haired man. For he knew he would not stand to look at that unbothered face. It would infuriate him. Call out the rage bottled up inside and make it seethe until it boiled over. He mustn't see.

Yet he did, the image appearing at the back of his mind. Those pale cheeks, stained with slowly dripping blood. Those blue eyes, that lethal ice. And the lips that never apologized for any sin.

"Your emotional state was unreliable. I did what I had to do to calm you down. It was only meant -" he explained calmly. Assuredly. It was now clear he did not understand what Jounouchi thought was wrong.

"Shut up!" he interrupted suddenly, his temper taking a hold of him. Falling into routine, unable to break out. The car wavered slightly in its path through the desolate forest. "You lied! You freaking murdered him, Kaiba! Fuck, you… You killed a person! Can't you get that through your thick skull?! He's dead! He won't come back!" he ranted as his eyes threw themselves back and forth between the road and the passenger, letting his anger seep out to flow over the other. Sharp, steady eyes was all the reaction given.

"…That was the intention. Would you rather have him chase us?" the murderer reasoned, a small series of unexpected coughs following. They went by ignored.

"No! But… God, what's wrong with you?! How can you not care?!" monster. He was a cold, uncaring monster.

"It was for sake of survival, Jounouchi. Why won't you see that?" Alpha retorted, temper running low. For Alpha failed the see the problem, only irritated over the emotional state his temporary confederate was in. And Jounouchi noticed. Noticed how the world slowly crept up on him from behind, wanting him captured. Noticed how helpless he appeared to be to his very own eyes.

And most importantly, he noticed the ice that hadn't begun to thaw.

**XxxX**

"Have you gone insane? You know I can't allow anyone with personal ties to join so recklessly, it could jeopardize -"

"I know that!" the brunet interrupted boldly, their raised voices carrying themselves to what was outside the walls. They better. The more upset, the more convincing. And he had rage to spare. "But I know him! I know how Jounouchi thinks! We could use that!" he urged, persisting with undying fire.

"…I already have many and skilled men on this case. You know it's highly prioritised! God, the media is all over it! We can't allow a screw-up!" he informed what was already known before calming down, slumping down slightly in his desk chair and lighting a cigarette to calm his nerves, automatically offering one to his employee. The man turned the offer down. "Chief Shimata was invaluable to us, and I can never fill out his shoes. But I must do what is right, and that is to assure that the investigation of his death goes by perfectly." he lectured, his steady voice growing cold as his eyes began to fill with contempt. "That Jounouchi…we can't let him get away with this."

"I know that! And I want to catch him too!" a smirk was seen on the elder man, shallow dimples visible on his round cheeks.

"Are you sure? In your statement you left to my officers, you said you two have been friends since your childhood. That's not something to take lightly." he told, suggesting a future betrayal. Honda's eyes remained glued and firm, never once faltering. They did not bother to be insulted by the suggestion.

"Chief Bunji, -" he began with a voice that needed to be controlled, for it was noticed, as his breath was not in synch. "I…when I came here, I was nothing. A nobody. Chief Shimata changed that! He made me believe that there really is hope in this world. That we can catch the bad guys, so the good ones don't have to suffer." he revealed, eyes narrowing in remembrance while reluctantly starting to water. Or so it seemed.

"And Jounouchi… I can't believe he would do something like this! That's why I need to find him, Chief! He needs to pay for what he did! I can't let him hurt others. This is the best thing for him. I don't know what's come over him, but he's not thinking straight. I need to get him some help!" he urged, proof of a friendship still alive and shining through, giving credibility. "You know I only want to help the investigation! I called in to you as soon as I saw the news! I let you go into my home to collect evidence even! Why would I betray?!"

But the scrutinizing eyes were still unsure after this impressive act.

"I **have** to be on the team, Chief. I have to. I don't care if you don't give me any money for it, or if you make me work twice as much, or if I get no days off even! I need this. I'll take the smallest part, Chief. Anything you give me, I'll be grateful for it. And I promise you, all of my strength will go to finding Jounouchi." he tried, eyes sincere and posture determined. Shallow dimples returned and a sigh too impressed to sound defeated spread over the room.

The man was convinced.

And the deceit continued.

**XxxX**

"It's wrong, Kaiba." the blond man informed with a now calm tone as he sat casually on top of the car's hood, holding an untouched sandwich in one hand. His eyes were fixated with the view before him. Such an endless, vast area. So open to the world, while they hid in seclusion created by trees.

He had to make him understand somehow. For one day Kaiba would return to the grave. And he couldn't do it when he was so cold inside. Mokuba deserved better. He deserved recognition. Mourning. Love. Regret. Anything but a blank look accompanied with indifferent thoughts.

Why it was so important to he himself to make it come true, he could not fully answer. In the end, it felt right, and at the moment, he had no other sense to trust but his gut.

"Why?" the brunet questioned the rule that came with no explanation. His eyes stared at the wide sea in front of them, leaning against the hood beside Jounouchi, borrowed clothes now protecting his body. "What's wrong with surviving?" he inquired this new philosophy that seemed alien to his logic.

"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with surviving." the blond revealed with a small smile that quickly faded. "But that doesn't mean you can kill people, Kaiba. That's only for emergencies." a snort followed his explanation, rudely setting aside his words.

"And that wasn't?"

"No. Because you could've made him drop his gun. You could've told him to get out, and we could've taken the car and drove away from there." brown eyes narrowed, memories of stained blood on pale cheeks tightly embracing him. He hated such a memory. It interfered with what he had to do. His mission. His promise. His temporary substitute for a reason.

"Then he would have been alive, and able to contact his subordinates and inform which car we were in." he pointed out the flaw, causing a distinguishable frown on the other man's face. But the blond man was too drained on emotions to be fully angered, his throat still soar from his previous yelling that had taken place not long ago.

He was surprised the other man was still with him, despite all that. Then again, he didn't have much choice. Yet it was a fragile assurance he held onto. Kaiba was with him, despite other options. He mustn't forget that.

"You just don't get it, Kaiba." he told with a cold snort. "Everyone wants to live. So you have to let them, or this world would be all…in chaos, and stuff." he tried to reason, his hand lazily raising itself and bringing the food close to his mouth.

A chilly wind breezed passed them, dancing around their forms and not allowing either to go untouched, grabbing a firm hold for several long seconds. Violent and firm. Mixing with the sound of the rising wind was the repeated and harsh coughing of the brunet, taking the blonde's attention for a moment before dismissing it. Here they would stay for the night. And then they would drive to the nearest city, now that they were finally out of Domino. Luckily before any police started to guard the borders.

It wouldn't take long before the police would figure out what car they were using though. Thus, they had to leave it behind. Hopefully it wouldn't be stolen. Yuugi would probably not want that. He probably didn't want it to be taken by him in the first place, but his friend had borrowed it to him so often, he owned his own set of keys. It was so typical of Yuugi; always sharing. Even important things. He smiled to himself, warm eyes meeting the horizon.

This way, by taking it, he took danger away from his friends.

It was all for the better.

"This world…it's not perfect, is it?" eyes filled with something resembling regret dared to know, interrupting the serenity of a magnificent sunset, the coughing now ceased.

Alpha's ears were on the alert for an answer, wishing to know. Had he idealised the world without proportion from his dull cell in order to have hope? It had been such perseverance to live, and it was still such an effort to survive.

Why did everything prove to be a struggle?

"No. Definitely not." Jounouchi confirmed easily to his dismay, giving the other unsure looks due to the unsuspected subject that had arose.

"Then why live in it?"

"We haven't got much choice, do we?" a lopsided smile. Taunting the other's logic almost playfully despite the dark atmosphere hovering over them.

"…It needs to be changed." brown eyes froze for a second at the surprising thought before his eyes sought blue ones. Questioning with his gaze, then sensing the sincere yearning for it.

"Then we have to stop hiding. Hiding won't make any difference!" he urged, always trying to convince the other. The brown-haired man merely shook his head slowly, dismissing the proposal.

"No. Survival always comes first."

"So what's stopping you? You could make all of them go down! All we have to do is contact the media! Japan won't stand for this!"

"They have power over me." the low tone came out, his finger unconsciously raising themselves to trace over the metallic device around his throat. An insulting snort was heard beside him.

"Idiot." the blond man grumbled, continuing on with words almost too incoherent to hear. "What makes you think I'd let them hurt you?" the words of absolute and unconditional protection made themselves known as brown eyes avoided eye contact, staring at the wide sea rather than the majestic beast Kaiba had become. A bite of his sandwich followed shortly.

And Alpha was still confused as to why everything seemed to matter so much to the other, vaguely aware he appeared to be lacking something Jounouchi wasn't. His fingers gently circled around a cut-out photograph of Mokuba hidden in his pocket, while wondering if anything of that was really that important at all.

**XxxX**

The air hung piercingly serious between the two men, each in a chair and with troubled expressions.

"Now, you see, our efforts must increase in trying to bring him back. There is no possible way of foretelling how he would react." Dr Wakai told, anticipating the worry of the other man, who's expression remained calm and analytical. But the eyes were not able to be shielded, despite the glasses, and thus told of the worry he would not let on.

"So death is an option?" his voice asked, feigning calamity.

"…It is always an option when he's out of our control. This time is no different. But I don't suspect it to be a large percentage even so."

"Always trying to cheer me up, even in dark times." Takashi commented fondly, a forlorn smile on his lips that only added to a ghostly appearance along with the bags under his eyes and wrinkles that had begun to show these last few years. "But I'm afraid I have to tell you some bad news as well." he told with a now hard tone, leaning forward with hands clasped, letting his arms rest on his knees. Wakai nodded for the other to go on, paying full attention.

"I suspect we have a mole among us." he told as if ashamed, a feeling of betrayal lurking inside. Wakai's composure did not falter.

"Ah…that I do too." he informed, and neither of them were surprised they had been thinking in the same lines. "Do you have anyone in particular you suspect?" the question was asked casually, and the eyes of the other man found themselves astray. There was a doubting silence for a few everlasting moments before he found his voice once more.

"…No." Wakai's eyebrow raised itself in wonder, but did not question.

"Then let's start our preparation in order to take statements from everyone regarding the day Alpha escaped. Things have been too stressful these past few days, so we've had no time to do the obvious." he suggested, rising up from his chair and gesturing for the other to follow. With a brood expression Takashi did as told.

But Wakai could not help but notice, that the other man's feet were dragging.

**XxxX**

Her green eyes stared observantly at the computer in the desolate room, her fingers rushing over the keyboard while her ears were more aware than usual. Soon, a page started to load before her eyes, showing a map along with a red, bold dot. She smirked.

"So you're out of Domino now." she murmured with interest, eyes slowly filling with interest when otherwise devoid of it. A satisfied and composed outlet of air, then she quickly shut it down in case anyone should enter.

It did not take long before the task was finished, and she was staring at a black screen, no light in the room save for the small portion that managed to sneak in through the cracks around the door. Despite the lack of activity, she remained seated in the darkness, her mind working.

After a moment of silent contemplation she rose up, pink lips twitching upwards as she walked away from the computer.

"Let's see how long you'll survive, Alpha." she suggested in a soft yet daring tone before exiting the room of secrets and stepping out to her world of treachery.

**XxxX**

His steady breathing was calming to listen to as much as it was alien and almost unnatural to him, leaving it impossible for his fatigued body and dulled senses to fully relax and give into sleep.

He did not trust Jounouchi.

And yet they shared the car as a sleeping place, the outside too cold for him to take shelter.

What if Jounouchi had merely tried to build up his trust, only to aim for his life when sleeping? What if he tried to take off his shackle? Of course he himself was a light sleeper, but after all this exhaustion, he did not trust himself strongly enough to think he would awake immediately if the blond ever came to touch him.

His form, sitting on the backseat while Jounouchi was in the driver's seat that was pulled backwards, hovered over the sleeping man, intent eyes trying to distinguish lines in the darkness.

He was still not used to this unlit environment.

So far, the other man had failed to notice his presence, too tangled in a web of sleep. His own breaths consciously hit the other man's face. Growing dangerously and offensively close. But Jounouchi did not wake, senses too indolent to react.

It was interesting to watch Jounouchi sleep, so stripped of a shield to protect him. Because of that, it was also pitiful to watch him sleep, because he did not regard the possible danger Alpha himself would have registered long ago. This made the other weak.

It was in a prolonged fashion that his hand reached for the man's serene, unknowing face. Hesitantly and expectantly he moved, unsure how to go about. And as his fingertips found the soft and warm skin, the rest of his hand rested with it, lightly pressed around the temple area. As fingers came in contact with the blonde hair, he subconsciously noticed a difference. It did not feel like his own. Attempting to understand, his free hand touched his brown strays while taking comparing strokes of the other man. In the end he found Jounouchi's to be softer. It proved interesting humans had different contexture of hair.

It was such an unusual act for him to do, to hold without harming or without the intent to harm, even.

Yet despite his planned and unplanned touches, the man rested peacefully. It was growing slightly upsetting. Jounouchi did still not awake.

Tracing his hand down from the cheek and to the throat, there was no response or reaction, sleep undisturbed. Then his hand circled around the throat, preparing. And he pressed lightly at his larynx, applying pressure to make it more difficult for the other man to breathe.

Still, Jounouchi was helpless, only reacting in taking deeper intakes of air and slightly tossing his head. Having had Jounouchi's final reaction remembered, he retreated his hand, going back to watch the other man stoically yet displeased.

Jounouchi had no sense of awareness when sleeping. Would he have to protect them both at all times? This proved to be a hassle. He had assumed that the other man could take care of himself and not giving him more trouble than what already existed. He had no time for watching the other's back. This undoubtedly made him a hindrance.

However, for the time being, Jounouchi was useful. Yet a hindrance all the same. So he would have to teach the other himself how to survive. There was not much else to do. People were after them, and Jounouchi knew the environment better than he. Without him, he would be as weak as an infant.

At such he retreated to the corner of the backseat, eyes unwilling to leave Jounouchi's form. Dreadfully slow he felt himself slipping in awareness, but eyes always on the other man. Just in case.

Yet it was still interesting. Such a fascinating display.

After all, he had never seen a person asleep before.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

Words: 4910  
Wohoo! I am so proud! After the previous longassed chapter, I told myself "GP, don't you dare do it over 8000 words this time, or I'll kill you!!". Of course, threatening myself seem to work quite well, so I think I might do this more often now, hehe.

So, I've changed the summary, in case you guys haven't noticed. It used to be "The past you can't see. The future you can't escape. The humanity that is lost. Will redemption ever find its way to your soiled hands?". My question is; should I keep the new one, the old one, or come up with a different one entirely? I want it to sound interesting, but that's so hard since I have to be vague. Any thoughts?

So anyhow, as you see, Honda isn't just a random background character here. Whoot! He's being useful! I personally think he'd be the one to do such a thing for Jounouchi, since he cares pretty much for him.

The line where Honda cried out "Why do you always have someone to save?!" when concerning Jou; well, I think Jounouchi got himself a serious hero-complex in the show. I'm quite angered they never went in and solved it or gave reason for it or something. Nyahaha, so I take that task upon myself now. Actually, there are many problems in the show that were never looked into/solved, which angers me, but oh well. I gotta keep telling myself it's only a kid show after all.

And as always; thank you all, my wonderful reviewers! -glomps- Your words make me strive to be as good as I can possibly be! Merry Christmas to all of you, and may you get a bunch of presents!

Thoughts, opinions, feelings and constructive criticism is always dearly appreciated.

---  
-in a singing voice- All I want for Christmas is a **review** from you!


End file.
